Lost Cause: A Rizzoli And Isles Series Book Six

Chapter 33

Maura Pov

     I wasn't sure what made me crawl off of my wife and pull the covers over my body, as if there was something I needed to hide. Before I slid off of her, I saw the passion in her eyes. The love and compassion of the woman that was always there for me. She didn't prod me when I turned my back to her.
     I felt her watching my back for a while, before she drifted off into her dreams. I slid out of bed to put on some sweatpants and one of Jane's shirts. Before going to bed again, I went into the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
     My wavy, honey blonde hair was kind of messy as it fell over my shoulders. The shine that my green eyes used to have had dimmed.

What's wrong with me?

     After a while of staring at myself, I shut out the light and went back to bed.
I layed there for a while, watching Jane.
     "Jane?" I whispered to see if she was awake. No answer. I sighed. I scooted closer to her and huddled close to her. She briefly shifted awake and wrapped her arm around me, pulling me closer to her nude body while pushing me into her chest.
     My hands were tucked between me and my wife. Jane's heartbeat was soft as it beat gently in her chest and into my ear. Some emotion had overcome me and I couldn't figure it out, as I started to sob quietly again.
     Jane heard me and slowly woke up before sitting up in our bed and looking down at me.
"Maur?" Concern was in her voice. She ran her fingers along my back, looking down at me.
     I continued to sob uncontrollably as she stood up briefly to wrap a robe around herself.
...
Jane Pov

     Something was up with Maura and after I put a robe over myself, I sat back on the bed and helped her up.
     "Let's go talk." My hand reached hers and we went out into the living room and onto the couch, in the dim light of a lamp I turned on.
     My legs were criss crossed as I faced the blonde, who was now looking down.
     "I don't know Jane. I don't know why I have these episodes." My wife looked up at me and I tilted my head, urging her to continue talking.
"I guess all of this stress, with Ellen recuperating, Melony randomly showing up, everything is a little out of wack and I just don't know." She looked down again, folding her hands together.
     She tended to get emotional about the way her body looked, even though the scars and wounds happened years ago. Anytime something caame up about rape or assault, she shut down.   I didn't blame her though. She had to look at the scars and see them every day of her life.
     I took a deep breath.
"Maura. Did you pull the covers up earlier because-"
     "Yes Jane. Yes." She whimpered and I sighed while moving closer and wrapping my arms around her, pressing her temple against my chest. She had her fingernails gripping into me and started to sob lightly.
     "It's alright babydoll. You're alright." I rocked her gently and she calmed down a bit.
     "I don't understand why after all this time, I have such issues still. It's something that should've eased away a long time ago." She whispered and I kissed her head.
     "I love you." I said gently and she gingerly nodded.
"I don't know what I'd do without you." She mumbled quietly while staying embraced to me.