What About Forever {l.s}

XI

I finish parting my hair to the side, getting it just right before messing it up again, shaking it out to have it look natural- I don't want it to look like I'm trying, like seeing him is a big deal to me... even though it is.
Louis should be here any minute. We're going to go see a film (of which I forget the title of- but it doesn't matter.. I'm not going for the movie. I'm going because Louis wants to see the movie and I'll do anything he wants to do.) and I plan on taking him to dinner afterwards. Not a date, just some time to slow down and make conversation while eating a nice meal.
I hope he doesn't think its a date, that's really not what I'm going for. Unless he wants it to be, in that case I wouldn't mind an after-dinner kiss. I swear he looks at my lips when I speak... I've been craving his lips against mine so badly.
"Harold!" I hear Louis call. That's not my name but its something he likes to call me. Anything for Louis.
I walk slowly to the door- if I rushed to open it, it would be apparent I've been just sitting here waiting for him. I think I'm over-thinking it all though, I think this boy is making me lose my mind.
When I see him, my face gets hot. Earlier in class he had been wearing the purple jumper. Now he stands in front of me dressed in a navy blue button down shirt, with a white collar peaking through, and white pants accompanied by suspenders. His chestnut-brown hair is down in a side fringe with pieces of hair going in different ways. I think he's stunning.
But am I underdressed? I look down at my sneakers. Maybe he was planning to take me out to dinner.
  He smells like too much cologne.
"Ready to go?" I ask, unable to hide my smile as I look at him.
"Oh, um actually I just came to get my charger, I think I left it here."
I feel my smile fade and I wonder if he notices.
I go to get his charger from the outlet next to my bed. Where we sleep.
"Thanks." He says.
I hand the charger to him. When I do, my fingers brush his and my stomach tightens.
"Do I look okay?" He asks me, a worried look on his face as he nervously runs his fingers through his hair.
"You look great, Lou." I force a weak smile.
I pick up on the fact that he can't seem to stand still. "Why do you ask?" I question.
"I'm kinda going on a date." He says.
"With who?!" I say it as almost a yell but I cant hold it in. He didn't get all dressed up for me. I spent hours contemplating whether or not to ask him to dinner, twenty minutes trying to remember if he likes me better in grey or black, all for him to blow me off for someone else.
"Do you remember Brad?"
"Y-yeah." I look at him and he looks hazy. I blink back tears.
"Him. We've been getting really close lately and it turns out he likes me. We'll see how it goes, I don't know. Do you think he'll even show up?"
I ignore his question.
I can't handle what he's telling me. It feels like my heart has been continuously falling this whole time and it just hit the ground.
"You were supposed to hang out with me tonight." I say shakily.
"I'm sorry Harry, I guess it just slipped my mind. Rain check for next Friday? Or tomorrow if you're free."
"You never even talk about Bradley."
"I didn't want to be annoying I guess."
"What's annoying is making plans with someone and then bailing on them to go out with someone else." I say.
"Whatever, Harry. I'm not gonna argue with you. I'm sorry, I really am, but it's like, we can go to the movies whenever and I can't exactly reschedule this date, ya know? This is very important to me."
"I'm not important to you, I get it. Thanks, Louis."
"You have to make this so hard! If you actually cared about me you would be happy for me and not be so selfish." He turns to leave.
"Give me my sweater back." I say under my breath. I only half mean for him to hear it.
Louis freezes. "W-what? Your sweater? No...no..." He turns around and his eyes widen like he's seeing me for the first time.
I nod my head slowly, giving him the answers to the questions he never asked.
"Harry Styles." He says to himself, everything coming together.
"Louis."
"You fucking bastard!"
He pushes me.
I grab hold of his arms which were swinging near my face.
"Louis, please don't-"
"All this time you listened to me talk about you, acting all sympathetic and you fucking... it's you, the ex-boyfriend is you! You knew all along and you pretended like-" He trails off.
"I know. I should've just said something, but I was afraid you would stop talking to me."
"You wanna know why I still wear it?! That sweater?" His voice is filled with anger but his glossy eyes tell a different story.
His stance softens.
I let go of his arms.
"Why?"
"I used to wear your clothes because they smelled like you. And you were comforting to me, you were my happiness and whenever my dad got done beating me up and I could hear him going after my mum, I would lay in bed and pull your stupid sweater over my head and I felt better because I was overwhelmed with the scent of your stupid fucking cologne and your fucking sweat and you. I was so fucking in love with you and all of a sudden you were gone and all I had left was your god damn sweater. You were my home, Harry, and you left me with nowhere to go. But I guess you can have the sweater back now because I am DONE with you. So please do me a favor and take every last piece of yourself out of my life because I got over you and you left me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be with someone who doesn't pretend they're someone they're not." He looks at me for a second longer before leaving.
With tears running down my face I rummage through my junk-drawer. With what I was looking for in hand, I walk to the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror.
I see a monster, a liar. A selfish, disgusting, liar.
I look at the razor blade in my hand and then drag it across my wrist before I can change my mind.
   Louis does this so why shouldn't I?
I feel dizzy looking at my own blood forming on the fresh cuts.
This is what liars get.
Anything for Louis.

Ive been waiting to write this chap since chapter one ahh and the ending part was a last minute thought and sorry if its depressing lmao but i hope you like it, i gtg to bed rn bc school in the morning fuck
love youu
x Emily