What About Forever {l.s}

XXVI

Harry's POV

"No, the guy didn't even touch him, he's fine. I don't know what's wrong with him." Alison says to Louis.
"Move out of the way you dumb bitch, can't you see he's having a panic attack?!"
"I-I don't know. Don't try to make me look like the bad guy here!"
I shut my eyes tightly and groan as their voices cause my heart to excelerate and my head to pound.
"Keep your voice down, you're making things worse." He tells her, seeing me wince at the noise.
I sense him nearing and open my eyes to see his face right in front of mine, him kneeling down to be at eye level.
"I'm making things worse?!" Alison continues as Louis gently puts his arm under mine and helps me up with his own support.
"Harry doesn't drink." He says. "So it's clear to me that you had a hand in him being here."
"Maybe not when you knew him. He told me he's been getting drunk all week. Listen, I only got him drinking to have a little fun and get his mind off of you! You broke him and now here you are trying to save the day. Well it doesn't work like that! You may have known him longer than I have but that doesn't mean you know what's best for him."
I badly want to say how wrong she is because Louis is of course what's best for me, he always has been, but I can't and I ask myself if it's because I'm too much of a mess or if it's because I'm not so sure anymore myself.
"And you do?!" He chuckles. "Vodka isn't what's best for him, but nice one."
"Stop. Just take me home." I beg, hiding my head in Louis' chest. He smells like cologne and I can't shake the thought of him wanting to smell good for her. I can't even fathom the idea of him being with anyone else.
"Alright, come on." Louis tugs on my arm.
"You're driving her back too." I announce.
He glances back at the tipsy blonde but without further issue, all three of us make our way to his car.
The car ride includes a much-needed silence.
He parks on the road after dropping off Alison and gets out to go on my side to help me out.
"You're coming to my room tonight." He says.
"I'll be fine, please just-"
"It's just one night. Come on, I hope I'm not that bad." He insists.
"I just don't think it's a good idea for us to be-"
"I know, I know, but please? Liam isn't there and I could use the company."
"Fine." I sigh.
I stagger out, nearly falling to the ground but he grabs me before I do. He leads me across the grass and to the frathouse, a firm grip on me the whole way there. I throw up in the bushes before going inside, making me feel a lot better and a little more sober.

"Why do you do this to me?" I ask after collapsing onto his un-made bed
"Huh?"
"You... make me feel like shit, leave me all by myself, block my number, then come back to take care of me. It's messing with my heart. Stop playing with me."
"That wasn't my intention, Harry. I didn't even block you, I got all your texts by the way, every single one of them. I just needed to distance myself, and it seemed best, because you don't agree with with me and my girlfriend. It was best for me." He concludes.
"Alison didn't do anything wrong tonight. Shes a good friend."
"I know. It's just easier to be mad at her than... mad at myself."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"We can still be friend though, right? I mean you can't be that pissed at me. I didn't really do anything wrong, aside from maybe yelling at you a few times. Being with Jacey... you can't be mad at me for that. I didn't cheat on you, we weren't together but I'm sorry if I somehow 'led you on'." He's now beside me on thr bed with his hand resting on my knee.
"We'll always be friends, I think." I say. But what I don't say, is how afraid I am that that's all we'll ever be. I want so much more for us, I want a house together, a family, I want to grow old with him. I mustn't be so greedy, at least I'm here with him tonight. It's just so difficult. To not want more.
"Good." He says softly. His soft voice is so gentle and sweet and everything about him is so cute to me I just can't handle it. You aren't supposed to feel this way about your friends.
"Hey, how was your date tonight by the way?" I ask, not really wanting to know but being a bit curious all the same.
"Oh. I cancelled on her."
"What?! Why?"
"I wasn't in the mood. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing for myself. I just don't know."

Louis squeezes out of his jeans and sweater and furthermore climbs under the blankets in his pink boxers.
"Pink." I smile wide at the ceiling.
"It's salmon, actually. Shut up!"
"You're so cute." I accidentally say alowed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." I apologize in embarassment. Louis and I always used to say things like that, flirt with eachother even, though thinking about it now, maybe it was all joking to him. But now he has a girlfriend, and I feel like I shouldn't be telling him how cute he is, because that probably makes him feel unfaithful and I don't want him to feel like that. If only I was the one he had to be faithful to.
"Okay. Shoes off, Harold. Then it's off to bed."
I glance at him. He's blushing.
Following his command, I slip off my sneakers, letting them make a thud when falling to the floor, then snuggle up under the blankets.
"You're gonna sleep in what you're wearing?" He questions.
"Yeah."
"Okay," He gets up to shut the light. "You've always slept in your clothes. I don't know why, because you have a perfect body." He says.
"I don't like... um... feeling exposed, I guess."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Yeah."
"I only sleep like this when I'm with you. Like, I've been really insecure with my body lately. Not that I think I'm fat or that like, Liam would make fun of me or anything. I don't know, I just always put on a pair of sweats and a shirt when he's here, which by the way, he's the worst because his stomach is nice and toned, he's always working out. But yeah, I just like, I always feel comfortable enough with you. You're just so nice and humble all the time and you're like a breath of fresh air."
"You're body's perfect." I say quietly.
He catches me by surprise when he inches closer to me to wrap me up in his arms. Even though I'm bigger than him, I've always been the little spoon. I love feeling protected by him.
"I meant what I said, about not being able to sleep without you." I whisper.
"Good thing I'm with you tonight."
"I wish you were with me every night." I say sadly.
"Harry?"
"What?"
"Me too."

i didnt even proof-read this yet, my chapters have been sucking lately so sorry and this one is a lot of dialogue i feel like but im sure you all know whats going on rn with the tomlinson-deakin family and i honestly feel like ever since jay passed, things haven't been right its like i feel secondhand depression for the family idk but r.i.p to a beautiful angel, always in our hearts, johanna
she must be so proud of louis' performance today, such a strong and talented family.
xx Emily