What About Forever {l.s}

XIX

Harry's POV

"The person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. To try again, press one. To leave a message, press-"
"Give it a rest, I'm sure he's asleep. You should be too." Zayn says from his bed.
I pull the covers off of me.
"I can't sleep without him."
"You have before."
He's right. I've gone without Louis for years but right now is different. Right now, all I know is the feeling of emptiness filling the sheets beside me.
"Zayn, I need him." I say, feeling anxious.
"You're just getting yourself worked up."
I rise from the bed and feel around for clothes on the floor.
"What are you doing?" Zayn groggily asks, hearing me rustling around.
"Going to see him." I say, hopping on one leg to squeeze back into the jeans I wore earlier.
"You'll see him tomorrow."
"I need him now." I say as I head towards the door.
  It's almost 11pm now, and the coldness of the night-time air is nearly unbearable.
   I know I should probably be giving Louis some space, after all, maybe it's me who's stressing him out, maybe I'm suffocating him. I saw him just a couple hours ago and already I'm going back to him, but I just couldn't handle laying in bed without him there.
    I'm feeling instant regret as I rap on the door and Liam opens it, rubbing his eyes and wearing only his boxers.
"Harry... what do you need?" I'm as surprised that I'm here as he is.
"I...I ehm... I couldn't sleep." I say as almost a whisper, my cheeks getting hot.
"Oh, come on," Liam says, pulling me into the room and shutting the door.
"He's having a hard time, too." Liam whispers.
A lump under the blankets sits in Louis' bed.
"Harry's here." Liam announces.
The lump moves and a little head peeks out from it.
"Why?" Louis asks in a low voice, sounding like he has a stuffy nose.
"I'm not even sure," I admit. "I couldn't sleep and I felt like I should be here."
"I don't want you here."
   I get a glimpse of Louis' eyes which appear puffy and red.
"Louis, stop." Liam warns.
"Whatever." He says, realizing I'm not going anywhere because it seems that Liam ultimately has the power.
   "Have you been crying?" I ask, hesitantly getting settled into Louis' bed, still fully clothed.
   "You shouldn't be here." Is all he says as he turns his body away from me.
"He can't sleep either but I can't help him because he won't tell me what's bothering him." Liam chimes in.
"You wouldn't be able to help, for gods sake, Liam! The least you could do for me is respect that I don't want to tell you every single thing that goes on in my head. I just want to be left alone." Louis snaps.
"As you wish." Liam finishes, shutting the light. I admire his patience with Louis.
"Do you want me to give you a back rub?" I ask quietly after hearing Louis sniffling.
   "What?"
"To soothe you. You seem stressed."
"Oh. Yeah, sure, I guess."
   "Harry, do I get a backrub after?" Liam sarcastically asks.
   "Go to sleep!" Louis yells causing Liam to laugh.
Louis scoots closer, his bare back facing me.
I slowly run my hands over him, feeling his warm, smooth skin. His muscles tense at my touch.
   "Cold, Harry." He mumbles.
   "Yeah, sorry. I almost froze to death walking here, it's brutal outside."
I start to massage his shoulders first, working my way down to his little waist, enjoying every second of getting to feel his body.
"Is this okay?" I ask, talking less about the back rub and more about whether or not me giving him a backrub affects where we stand. I know that where we stand isn't exactly clear, but I'll leave it at being just friends because he certainly did not want to kiss me when my lips were right there in front of him. Though it'll be difficult, no, perhaps the hardest thing I've had to do other than leaving him, I'll settle for being his friend and will swear to hold myself from grazing over that line because I need him to know I respect what he wants. But I think that I'm making it harder for myself. I mean, it's easier to not have something at all than to keep being teased by it, laying next to it and giving it a backrub and not being able to have it...
"Yeah, thanks, that feels nice." He whispers.
I really don't want to sleep, I want to ask Louis thousands of questions about how he feels and what he thinks happens when we die, but I know that if I want to be here tonight I need to stay silent to let Liam and Louis sleep.
I slowly trace the bones and ridges of Louis' spine as his breaths grow deeper.
I make the decision to wrap my arms around the front of him, gripping him with every inch of my being, my body vibrating with the beat of his. I would prefer him to be the one holding me but I don't mind because I know he could use comforting right now.
I burry my head into the top of his back and whisper to him, though he's asleep.
"Love you, Lou," I think about the letter he wrote for me. "So much it hurts."
I worry that the word "love" crosses the line. I can't lie to myself and say that I love Louis as a friend, because I don't. I love him in the "I want to be with you forever", head over heels, care about you more than myself kind of love.
"I know." Louis replies, startling me.
   I thought he was asleep.
...
"Harry, Harry, wake up."
"Louis, what is it?" I squint my eyes open, only to see the morning sun casting in through the window to perfectly highlight Louis' face.
"It's almost eleven. Don't you have a class soon?"
I spring up. "Damn it. I must have forgotten to set my alarm." I say, rushing up to get into the bathroom.
"When do you need to be there?" Louis asks, raising his voice so that I can hear him from the other room.
   "Half an hour, maybe sooner. Don't you have a class this morning too?" I ask as I focus on the mirror, attempting to get my hair to look presentable.
   "Uhh yeah, but the doctor said it was understandable for me to stay home today and relax if I felt the need."
   "Oh, okay. Are you gonna be alright here by yourself?" I ask.
   "Yes, I don't need someone watching over me every second. But if it makes you feel any better, Liam gets home early today so I'll only be alone for a few hours."
   I borrow a pair of sweatpants from Louis as well as his jacket which is very warm and smells like him. I feel strange though, wearing sweatpants to class because even though everyone else shows up in basically their pajamas, I feel more productive when I dress up a little.
   Before I leave, I go over to Louis and give him a quick hug.
   "Relax today. Sleep, take a bath, watch a movie. Seriously, Louis."
   He giggles. "Okay, Harry."

   In my first class which is math, I hear Louis' name come up in the conversation of the people behind me.
   I turn around to face two jock-looking guys and a brunette girl holding a coffee.
   "Sorry to eavesdrop but uh, what were you saying about Louis? Louis Tomlinson?" I ask, feeling protective.
   Even if he's just my friend, friends stand up for friends.
   "Oh, yeah, him. Turns out he's gay as hell. Did you see the video of him and that tall guy liplocking at a party?" The girl says.
   I feel the blood boiling in my veins.
   "He's not gay." I tell them.
   "Dude, you sure about that? He looked like he was having a good time eating this other guy's face. Kind of funny if you ask me." One of the guys says.
  "It was a dare and he's not a pussy so he sucked it up and did it. Stop talking abput him." I say, coldly staring into his eyes.

...

This chapter probably sucks but ive been busy and stressed and yea but hope you enjoy :)
I lowkey have writer's block for the next chap so who knows how thatll go ha tty next weeknd babes
x E