What About Forever {l.s}

XXIV

Harry's POV
Song- Over Again :) :(
    I thought that seeing Louis on Monday would be awkward but it isn't. I was ready for him to not sit next to me, but for some reason he does and he even starts a casual conversation with me like nothing ever happened. I guess now that he's with this girl he thinks it's safe for us to be seen together. I think it's rediculous. I've done my time of being what everyone wants me to be and it's not worth it. It never is.
    "How was your weekend?" He asks me.
    And what am I supposed to tell him? Do I make something up about how I had fun with friends, ran some errands, was tied up with studying? Because I can't tell him the truth, no. How I only slept for a total of four hours because he wasn't next to me and how all I did was mope around my room and write out long sad texts to him, only to delete them before hitting send. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of who I am without Louis, since without him I really am nothing, or I have become nothing. I remember how in that letter he wrote to me before, he said how being without me made him stronger and taught him to take care of himself and I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel. Like am I enabling him by being with him, was I just holding him back? The only thing I do know is that we are very different in that aspect, because when I'm without Louis, everything I thought I was, all my confidence that he helped to build up, shatters the second I realize he's no longer mine. I've never felt weaker, and so lost, like the only path I've ever known has been destroyed and now I don't know where to turn because I never even considered those other paths, why would I if I know this path leads me to something wonderful? Come to find out, this path may lead to a dead end.
   "My weekend was alright. How was yours?"
    "It was great." He smiles.
    He probably wants me to ask why his weekend was so spectacular, but I already saw his posts online of him with Jacey on Saturday, so him having a "great" weekend just confirms his feelings on her, she's great. And I don't want any part of that, not even just hearing about how much fun they had together.
   I wanna say that I know for a fact that he can't really be falling for her, but I'm beginning to feel like everything I thought I knew about Louis is turning out to be dangerously incorrect. For starters, I had been so certain that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. That he needed me as much as I needed him. That he felt in his bones, in his blood, that being with me was right since that's how I felt about him. It isn't safe getting so comfortable, the second you think you know how things are gonna play out something changes. And being wrong feels like a punch in the gut... or the heart.
     "Lou, what if you're just making a big mistake?" I warn.
    "It doesn't feel like a mistake."
    "Salt looks like sugar. If you saw me put salt in your tea you wouldn't even know anything was wrong until you took a sip." I mumble.
    "I don't know what that's even supposed to mean." He whispers with a giggle.
    He thinks this is a game. That might just be the problem here.
    "Never mind."
    "Please don't put salt in my tea." He begs with an adorable little pouty face. I fucking hate him.
   "I wouldn't dream of such a thing, Louis. But I can't say the same about someone else." I say with an eyebrow raise. I'll play his game.
    "I'll have you know Jacey would put an extra spoonful of sugar in my tea." He smirks.
    "Don't be so sure. Seeing can be deceiving. It could be an extra spoonful of salt she's putting in. You haven't tried it yet."
 
    I have math next with Alison, who I'm not looking forward to seeing. She didn't talk to me much before, but I have a hunch she'll have a lot to say once she sees me today, considering I left her at the dance on Friday and ignored her texts and calls all weekend.
   I get to class early. She's already seated so I choose a seat the farthest possible away from where she is but once I drop my stuff down I see her packing her books back up to come over to me. I get out my phone, pretending to be very focused on something other than her. It doesn't work.
   "Harry." She says.
  I timidly look up at her. She's wearing makeup, but not too much and her blonde hair is curled loosely.
   "You look nice today." I say, all smiley, unsure of what I mean by it.
    "Yeah, thanks," She let's herself blush for an instant but then it's back to buisiness. "Are you okay? I was kind of worried. You seemed distraught when you left the dance in a hurry and then you went M.I.A for two days."
   "I was just in my dorm room, a little depressed because, um," I lower my voice. "The, person is officially dating some random girl. Well I don't know if it's even official but anyways. I just saw them kiss and dancing together and I just got overwhelmed and fled. But thanks for ya know, worrying about me I guess."
   "I'm sorry about him. I'm just glad you're okay." She passes me a smile.

i hope you all had a good thanksgiving :) ive discovered chapters come easier to me late at night when i force myself to just start writing instead of thinking about it too much, I definetly come up with the best writing when im tired too which is insteresting. ill be editing tomorow, this chap and others. i might go back and change up the first chap a lil and some of the other earlier ones so dont mind that but yeaa byee love love love you and omg im almost at 1k reads :))))))
x Emily