Of Broken Hearts and Tears

Chapter 13

Zayan was feeling very uneasy as he entered the ICU. He had so much on his mind that he felt like he would have an emotional breakdown. His sister was there lying on the bed hanging on a thin thread that connected her to life.

His steps faltered as he looked at her pale face, as if it was drained out of all life.

 He couldn't imagine a life without her. She had always been there for him. How could he live without her? What if something happened to her? He couldn't loose another person in is life. He was losing everyone he loved. First he was orphaned then he lost his wife. He couldn't lose her too.

His eyes filled up with tears as he took in her condition. He closed his eyes and thick drops of tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them away. He slumped down in the chair next to the bed and he put his head on her arm. His shoulders started shaking as a multitude of emotions hit him. What if something happened to her?

"No."He said aloud. "No. Areesha you are a strong girl. You will make it. How is your son going to live without you? We all need you. Please. D-don't leave m-me-" He said with tears streaming down his face. His eyelashes were wet with all the tears he was spilling but he couldn't control them. He couldn't see his sister lying there and he watched helplessly.

It was as if everything was replaying. He had prayed so much when it was Leya in the same but fate had had no mercy at him.

His heart ached. He could not take it anymore. Tears had stopped spilling and he sat there emotionless staring at her with all the tubes around her. His throat had tightened. It was as if someone was trying to strangle him with bare hands. He swallowed deeply. He couldn't stay here anymore. This place was suffocating him. 

He got up from the chair abruptly and it made a loud screeching sound. He pushed away a lock of hair from her forehead that had escaped the green hospital cap on her head and kissed her. As he pressed his lips on her forehead he felt it so cold.

He rushed out of the room quickly without looking back. It was like he was running away from reality. He wanted to run away from this. H wanted to wake up and find out that all this was a nightmare and that his sister was fine.

He was walking so fast that he didn't notice someone coming in front of him. He bumped into the person and almost toppled over but balanced himself.

He looked up to see a distraught Maya standing in front of him.

"S-sorry." He muttered without looking at her face and attempted to leave but her voice stopped him.

"Z-Zayan... She's going to fine." He looked at Maya and saw her looking at him reassuringly. He felt himself nod. He must have looked like a zombie. His eyelids still held traces of wetness around them and unconsciously he wiped his eyes.

"Your mom said to give these to you." Maya said to him and she held a some food towards him. He glanced towards it and almost immediately shook his head.

The most important person in his life was lying in the hospital so how could he digest anything?

"You need to eat. Please just eat a little." Maya said to him. She didn't know what overcame her but she felt like she owed him that. He looked so pale with dark circles around his eyes and he looked like he had been crying. Her own brother wasn't eating anything at all so she couldn't do anything.

Zayan observed her carefully. She showed no sign of any sorrow at what had happened. In fact she just looked emotionless and she wasn't even looking at him in the eye like the usual confident girl she was.

 He had witnessed her that day. It wasn't possible for her to be over that incident in just this time. He had noticed how she had come late at the hospital and how cautious she had been around Fawad. He was sure that nobody else in her family knew anything so he was genuinely worried for her. 

When she was not here he had actually been concerned. He knew how emotional girls got and he was so worried in case she harmed herself out of depression but she had proved to be a strong girl. Not everyone had the ability to hide their emotions that well just for the sake of staying strong for others. And he admired that in her. He probably saw right through because as a lawyer he knew what girls went through after such occurrences. And had it not been the situation he would have saluted her bravery.

"Where are you lost?" Maya said waving her hand in front of his face and he snapped out of his trance.

"Sorry." he said embarrassed. He had probably been staring at her all this while.

"Here." Maya said handing him the sandwich.

"Have you eaten anything yourself?" He asked her skeptically.

"Uh no I'm not hungry." She said awkwardly. She had lost the ability to digest anything. Every time she ate anything she puked it out so she would rather not.

"Yes you are." He said stubbornly and Maya raised an eyebrow at him. He halved the sandwich and handed one piece to her.

"Thanks." She said awkwardly and went to sit down on the chairs.

Zayan also went and sat down next to her and she looked at him in surprise but he didn't pay any heed.

Zayan looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Talking to her had actually distracted him and his attention was diverted. He didn't feel like ripping everything apart anymore. He felt oddly calm. She gave him strength unknowingly. 

He thought if she could stay collected after all that was happening in her life then he most certainly could. All he could do was pray for his sister and that was obviously better than crying his eyes out.

"Why aren't you eating?" Maya asked him suddenly and he noticed that he hadn't even tasted the sandwich. He quickly took a bite to avoid the awkwardness of the situation and almost immediately puked.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Maya asked him almost at once and he had difficulty swallowing the bite.

"I just can't eat eggs." He said making a horrible face and Maya almost chuckled.

"Do you want me to get you another sandwich?"

"No no it's fine." He said dismissively trying to ignore the flashbacks he was getting.

Leya had always been like this. She knew how he couldn't eat eggs so she tried to find out new recipes and add eggs in them and he would eat that happily only to find put later that there were eggs in it. She had been the definition of a perfect wife and he hated how short there relationship was. God knew how much he loved her and he still had nightmares about the day she died. 

He didn't want to lose another loved one now. He was done with life. His sister was the person who understood him like no other. He wouldn't be able to bear her loss. He could not imagine not being able to send his sister the teasing texts even when she didn't live with him anymore. He couldn't imagine her not being there for him anymore and the way the doctors were losing hope he wanted to kill everyone. Kill himself for not being able to do anything for her.

"Zayan the doctor's are doing there best, just pray to Allah. You know dua can change a person's destiny." Maya said beside him and he was startled.

She had noticed how he kept on clenching his fists and how his expression was changing to that of pure agony. It felt to her like his thoughts would eat him up if he didn't open up to someone.

Her brother still hadn't come back from the hospital mosque and her parents were with the baby so she felt like she was the only one who could comfort him.

"I can't live without her." He said to her and a tear was rolling down his cheek. She wanted to wipe it away and tell him that he should trust Allah. That was the only option they had. But she couldn't reassure him.

Her own eyes were pooling up. She could only think of what he was going through. It was just being human that helped you understand what the other person was going through. It was just sympathy she was feeling towards him not because she pitied him but because she understood what he was going through.

But sadly for her she only knew part of the equation. She didn't know anything about the demons he was facing from his past.

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