Of Broken Hearts and Tears

Chapter 40

Twisting the keys into the key hole, Zayan opened the door to his apartment. Stepping inside he shut the door with his foot hearing it click and dropped his bunch of keys on the counter as a clink sound reverberated through the quiet apartment. His steps were lazy and lethargic as the heels of his shoes clacked against the polished marble floor.

He glanced at the clock on the wall as it chimed 1:00 PM. The apartment was so quiet that he could hear the sound of his own sighs. That was the only reason he didn't like coming home early. It made him feel his loneliness and he hated that feeling. It would make him go back to the past that was gone but still held him in its strong clutches. His loneliness would make him dwell in pity and heartbreak.

Maya wasn't around either and his mother was probably sleeping. It was strange but seeing Maya at home made him feel a little less lonely. He had no explanation for that, no words could do justice to that feeling. He didn't even want words to express that feeling. It had irked him at first but slowly he had accepted it without questioning it. 

Running his eyes around the almost dark room, he sighed. It was a little less darker than his thoughts at least. He could see everything. In his mind, there was darkness everywhere. 

With one hand he loosened his tie that was suffocating him or maybe it was the silence around him that was eating him up or maybe the noise in his brain was killing him. Or maybe it was a mixture of them all. He didn't want to think about it. He wanted to close his mind and turn off his thoughts for once.

He dropped his laptop bag on the antique coffee table and shrugged off his coat. Rolling the sleeves of his pristine white dress shirt to his elbows, he plopped down on the couch crossing his legs on the center table in front of him, not bothering to take his shoes off.

Running a hand through his luscious locks, he closed his eyes and rested his head against the couch letting the silence of the room eat him up. 

The chandelier was dimly lit so the room was almost dark with the curtains pulled up to block the cold winds of the harsh winter. The curtains managed to block the sunlight only because the harshness and coldness were still there. The harshness was inside him so there was no escape from that anyway. 

With half open eyes, he laid his head against the sofa and stared at the chandelier right above him. Only a few golden lights were lit, making the lounge look calm. For him though, it was anything but calmness. When there wasn't peace inside his mind, he couldn't find it outside either. It was impossible to quieten his mind. Actually, it was possible. He had mastered the art over the years and he knew how to snub his thoughts and just get on with flow of life. That's what he had always done. Bottle up his feelings and live with it. He let his thoughts stay inside his mind and they slowly poisoned him. 

He didn't want to get rid of this poison though. It was sweet poison. It kept him alive. 

Another in his shoes might have wanted to forget his past and try to move on but it wasn't that way with him. He wanted to live in his past. He knew it was gone and it wasn't coming back. But he didn't want to let go or he had accepted that it wasn't possible for him to let go. Only dying could make him move on.

In the middle of his haphazard thoughts, a mouthwatering aroma whiffed through his nose and he inhaled it in with a sigh. His eyes were closed and he knew he was just imagining things. He'd never come home to such a scent that made his apartment feel like home. 

He just knew coming home to the smell of burnt food because Leya was an expert at that to the extent that he had forbade her from the kitchen in their flat. A miniscule smile grazed his lips at the thought.