Neighbors (Davekat)

The Two Ships

Be the one who is waiting for sweet death:

I got up from the couch in my apartment and walked to my bathroom, looking back at John, whose eyes were fixed on the television screen.

I thought to himself how much of a cool guy I was, thinking ,'how could anyone possibly not want me?' I shook his head in disappointment, not for me, but for everyone.

Putting my charm aside, I can't shake the feeling of something.

I'm completely aware on how ridiculous this sounds, but I feel something. It's coming, but I don't know when and where.

I walked into my bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror. Usually, I'd smile at myself and think 'what a sexy motherfucker,' but now, I see nothing.

I took off my shades and stared stright into my reflection.

This is me. This is Dave.

Not cool-guy swaggy Dave, just Dave.

Dave, the guy that has mad skills with swords, Dave, the guy who trusts a bird he named Martha more than he trusts his friends, Dave, the guy who loves music, Dave, the guy who lost his mother, Dave, the guy who really loves apple juics but won't drink it in public because it's a 'child drink,' Dave, the guy who is terrified of puppets, Dave, who loves Karkat.

Now, I have no way out, I can't tell Karkat how I'm feeling because John is holding me back. But does Karkat even care? I mean, I told him not that long ago, and he stated that he didn't care. I mean sure, he looked out of his element, but I couldn't have caused that. He hated me, if anything.

Why is it me, though? Why is it that whenever I have something good going on, or so I thought I did, it turns to shit? Why is it fair for someone to ruin lives?

My hands turned to fists the more I thought about it, and each breath I took got quicker. 'Why is everything so fucked?' I thought.

I slammed my door open and stomped towards John, who was already startled by the noise of the door hitting the wall.

I stood there, staring at him with anger and frustration, I spoke, "What are you planning on doing?"

"What?"

"If I leave you, what the hell are you planning on doing to Karkat?"

Without taking his eyes off of me, he stood up, "Dave-"

I shook my head, "No, don't you 'Dave' me! For fucks sake, John! Why can't you just leave? Why can't you just get the hell out of my life? I'm so godamn in love with the guy who lives across from me, and why can't you just let me have him? What the hell do you want from me?"

His expression changed from sympathetic to angry, "You know why I can't leave? Because, I love you. I love you, and why can't you just love me back? For fucks sake, that guy in the building next door absolutely hates your guts, and you love him? What the fuck is the matter with you?"

I stood silent.

Does Karkat really like me? How would I even know?

John continued, "You're over there, stressing about some guy who tells you he hates you, insults you, and I'm over here telling you that I love you, wishing that you'd just come to your senses. It pains me to see so much of your godamn time and emotion going towards someone who clearly doesn't want it. Are you fucking blind?"