Pain Is Pain, No Matter What Form.

13) Remus' POV:

                 

I woke to a banging. I thought it was my alarm but it couldn't be.

"Lupin. Open up." came an impatient voice.

What does Severus want now? I flicked my wand to open both doors.

"Come in." I yelled.

I walked out of my office and into my classroom where Severus was shutting the door behind him.

"Why was the door locked?" Severus inquired.

"Didn't sleep last night. I had no classes all morning so I took that time to sleep. What's wrong? Has Aria woken up?" I asked in hope.

"She woke up but Poppy gave her dreamless sleep so she will be out like a light. But what I want to say is that she shouldn't be moved into your quarters. She is afraid of me. She will be afraid of you and Black and Harry and every other man she will come into close enough contact with. She is alright with Poppy so I think she will be alright with other females. I think she should remain in Gryffindor tower for now until she comes around to being comfortable around males. We will have to take extra precaution on this move and of course put up wards, make sure no one can get to her that is working for Voldemort but it is for her mentality." Severus sat on a desk.

I followed suit and sat on a desk opposite him. Due to being woken up from a few hours of sleep, my mind was still mushy but I understood enough.

"I will discuss this with Sirius later...if he is talking to me." I muttered the last part out of self hatred.

Although I muttered it under my breath, Severus still heard.

"What do you mean if he is talking to you? What happened?" Severus leaned over and placed a hand on my lap.

"Well we got into an argument this morning and I said something that I shouldn't have said. It wasn't that I so much said it but it implied that I didn't love him anymore and I didn't mean it. I am just afraid he won't listen to me, he hates me so much that he wants a divorce and then I might not see Aria or Harry ever again, I might have to quit my job so I don't put myself through the pain of seeing them in class. I am scared." I sobbed, finally letting myself let go of everything I kept bottled.

The thing that surprised me most is that Severus came beside me and pulled me into a hug. I sobbed on his shoulder and he stood there, rubbing soothing circles into my back and whispering things. It took a while but I finally got everything out and sat up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to break." I whispered as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Remus, you won't lose him. He does love you and he knows not matter what happens, you will always love him. Couples fight and you haven't been sleeping. He will understand that it was your sleep deprived persona and not you. Go now, before lunch starts and talk to him. I think he will just be glad that you came to see him. He will be beating himself up thinking he has done something wrong. Don't worry. You both really love each other. After today it is the weekend so you and Sirius have a full two days of getting to bond again." Severus shocked me by using my first name and referring to my husband by his first name.

Maybe that surprised me more. He was giving me relationship advice? But I couldn't deny it, he was right.

"Thank you Severus. It means a lot." I smiled a little.

"Now, off you go. I will lock up your classroom." Severus patted my back and I left him to it.

I walked with a bounce in my step. I knew he was right. Sirius and I love each other so much and Sirius will be waiting for me in our room. He will be sitting beating himself up about this and I will go in there with open arms, take him into a huge hug and not want to let him go or out of my sight. Then I will have to go teach class, who knows, I might give them some reading they can do in their own time for the next lesson and go spend time with my husband. I stopped outside the door and got my breath back. I opened the portrait with a huge smile and paused. I couldn't see him anywhere. I looked at the bed, the quilt had been dumped on the floor. The sitting area was empty. He wasn't in Harry's bedroom. The bathroom door was open and there was no water running so he wasn't taking a shower. He was gone. I ran out of the room, unsure of where he was. I didn't know where I was going until I saw the gargoyle.

"Fizzing whizbees." I shouted.

The gargoyle didn't stop me, it let me in straight away. I ran up the stairs, two at a time and didn't bother knocking the door at the top. I barged into Albus' office, lucky to find he was alone. He looked startled for a moment but settled when he saw it was only me.

"Sirius is gone. He isn't in the quarters. He and I had a fight this morning and I stormed out. I think he has left. He never goes out without me and I am worried. I don't know where he is, if he is still at Hogwarts and if he is alright. He ran away so of course he isn't. What do I do? Do you know where he is? It is all my fault. I shouldn't have said what I said. I should have took a deep breathe and been nice about it. I shouldn't have stormed away from him. I should have stayed, I should have said sorry. I am the one who made him leave. Harry and Aria will never forgive me for this. They will hate me because I have driven away their father. I have hurt the man that I love and I may never get him back. Albus, I need him. He was my rock. I know I can rely on him in tough times. I need to know he is alright. What have I done?" I panicked.

I sat down in a chair to stop me from going to a shelf, picking up a vase and breaking it.

"Remus my boy, calm down. He hasn't left Hogwarts. I would have sensed the magical presence leave. But I don't know where he is. You must remain calm. Don't try to find him and don't try to do anything that involves something dangerous. I will find him. I have nothing to do anyway. Now, go and get some more rest and then teach your classes. Afterwards, go straight to your quarters. I will come to see you to inform you of how the search is going, then we will go to dinner and you will eat a sufficient amount. After that we will come back up here and I will give you some dreamless sleep potion that will take effect until your body is fully rested. After that, when you are awake I will give you a progress report." Albus looked at me gravely.

"Yes, Albus." I whispered, head bowed.

"Good. Now, go get some more sleep. You still have a good two hours before you need to teach." Albus stood up and walked me out of his office, down the stairs and into the corridor.

We parted without a word. I usually ask Albus for help and then don't listen to him. But he was taking care of this one. I may not agree with some of the plan but at least he was looking for my husband, the man I love with all my heart.