Pain Is Pain, No Matter What Form.

15) Sirius' POV:

Everything around me was black and white. Most of it was grey. Ironic really. If I was to turn back into my human form, it would all have no colour still. Remus is the one that is my soul mate and for your soul mate to turn around and say they have had enough, it hurts. We were all fine until he started to not sleep great. From there we have had arguments, small but still arguments. They kept growing into bigger arguments, but we never said we hated each other. The moment the argument was done we would apologise. This time, he walked away. This time he looked me in the eyes that showed me he didn't love me anymore. He was my world. When I found out he was the one who could carry Aria and I was only able to have one child due to medical things, I was a little gutted. I wished that I was able to carry children so I could have more than one. He could still get someone pregnant but he wanted to carry the child so much. I wish the argument had never happened. I wish I kept my stupid mouth shut this morning. If I hadn't went and said what I did, I might still have Remus with me, to make me feel better, make me feel safe and secure. This is my life now. Living in a small shack, the cold air seeping in through the cracks, wondering how Harry and Aria are getting on. But the one that hurts me the most is if Remus has moved on to someone else. He will be overjoyed to see I have left. At least now he can find someone who he can love in place of me. If someone is to come looking for me here, which will probably never happen, I have my little hiding place I used often when I wanted to be alone as a kid at school. With super sensitive hearing, I can hear everything on the grounds of the castle still. Hagrid and Fang walking around, making sure everything is in order, Dumbledore shouting my name. Dumbledore shouting my name? Really? Why is he even looking for me? Does he know I have left Remus? He won't know where I am surely.

"Immobulous." Dumbledore shouted.

I heard the creaks of the willow stop. He was coming out to the shack. I got up and went to my hiding place. He won't find me here. I listened to his footsteps getting closer and closer. The door of the room finally creaked open. He would leave eventually.

"Sirius. I know you are here. I can feel your magic." he stated as he looked around the room.

I forgot he can sense other people's magic. I stayed put though. Maybe he would give up.

"Don't force me to summon you." he sounded threatening.

I didn't want to go flying through the air towards him so I gave up hiding and walked towards him.

"Come now my boy. Change back to your human form." Albus smiled.

I obliged and stood before him.

"What do you want?" I asked, the coldness dripping off of me.

"To get you to come back to the castle. Remus is worried sick about you. He came to me in a blind panic. I don't think this will benefit him, Harry or Aria. Harry knows. He is worried about you. He is also scared what this will do to Remus. Remus needs you Sirius. He told me you got into a fight earlier." Albus transfigured boxes into comfortable arm chairs.

He sat down in his and signaled for me to do the same. I complied and looked down at the floor.

"It was my fault. I really love Remus and I have messed everything up now. I shouldn't have said what I did. If I hadn't been so stupid then he would still love me. He is only concerned about what happens to the kids because he is a werewolf and can't control his anger on the lead up to the full moon. He doesn't care about me anymore. It is all my fault. I just want to be alone and stay here. He can move on, find the person he truly loves and forget about me." I mumbled.

"Remus does love you. He loves you more than you can think. He was heartbroken when he came to speak to me. He is taking the blame for being angry at you in the first place." Albus spoke calmly.

"Don't you get it? He doesn't care. He is saying that so he knows that I am there for Aria and Harry when he can't be. Well I can't be there for them because he is going to have to be there too. I cannot face him again after the look I got. He told me himself in some words that he doesn't love me any more. He gave me the look of total disgust. Just go. Don't bother trying to convince me otherwise." I got up from the chair and transformed back into a dog.

"I am sorry Sirius. I really am." Albus parted.

Once I was certain he was away, I transformed again to my human form, sat on one of the chairs, brought my knees to my chest, dropped my head against my knees and cried. This was so frustrating. No one got it. No one knows the look I got from him. He hates me. He cannot possibly love me.