Pain Is Pain, No Matter What Form.

28) Aria's POV:

I walked away from uncle Sev's class and let out a sigh of relief. He forgot to give me some dreamless sleep which is good, I can stay up tonight reading and let myself slip away if I need it. The bell went and there were loads of people about the halls. I didn't walk fast to arithmancy. I just hope Draco is sitting on his own so I can join him. I walked in and my teacher seemed almost surprised to see me but smiled over at me. I saw the seat next to Draco was free and I sat beside him. He let me snuggle into him as he explained what we were doing and then we stayed snuggled up for the rest of the class whilst we worked. It was a quick lesson and the bell went to signify there were no more classes and it was time for dinner. Draco waited for me to pack my bag up and carried it over his shoulder for me. He gripped onto my hand and Harry walked beside me and Pansy walked backwards in front of me asking me questions. I didn't really answer but they also didn't really give me the chance to answer.

"See you later in the room A. We can talk then if you are up to it." Harry rubbed my arm and left to join his friends at the Gryffindor table.

I looked at the staff table to see that my parents and uncle Sev were watching me. Uncle Sev had moved his usual place to sit looking down at the Slytherin table. He would be able to keep a close eye on me now. Draco pulled me down when I didn't sit and wrapped an arm around me. Dumbledore made a speech and then food appeared. My stomach became cramped and protested at the smell. Everyone dived in and took some food but I sat there looking at it as though it was about to jump out and attack me.

"Come on. Severus is watching you and so are your parents. I know you don't think you can but try a little and they will be happy that you tried." Draco whispered.

I looked over to the staff table and seen he was right. I picked up a serving spoon and put some stew on my plate. It was a small spoonful but it was something. I played with it a little, swirling it about my plate, on occasion taking a nibble of it and my stomach clenching. It was the most unjoyable meal ever. Pansy started talking to me so I used her as an excuse to not eat and talk to her more. I remained my usual happy self. She didn't suspect anything. Draco nudged me a few times and I nibbled again but mostly I spoke. Once dinner was finished I met up with my parents in the entrance hall with Draco and we walked up to the quarters.

"I know it is a school night but you can stay the night if you want to Draco. It saves you walking all the way from the other side of the castle to the Slytherin common room." father suggested.

My jaw would have dropped if I wasn't clenching it tight. I prayed Draco would say no to this idea. I don't want to say no to him and risk our relationship but if he declines, he isn't declining me he is declining father's offer. Right?

"That would be wonderful. Thank you so much." Draco smiled and squeezed my hand tighter.

I smiled and didn't say a word of it. This would be complicated on how I am to cut. I would have to come up with something good. Make up? Could I pretend that I was bothered to put on make up this morning and I am taking a while to take it off? It is worth a shot. We went into the quarters and we didn't talk. Draco and I waved goodnight to my parents and went through to my room.

"I guess I will just do a cleaning charm on my uniform tomorrow." Draco laughed.

"Right. I will get changed in the bathroom and get my make up off. I will leave you to whatever you are going to get changed into. I have jogging trousers in the bottom drawer and along with some baggy t-shirts and stuff so chose what you want. I might be a while because this stuff is hard to get off." I grabbed a random pair of jogging trousers and a baggy top with long sleeves for me.

I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I stripped off and picked up my razor. With a flick of my wand the bandages came off and were on the ground in a heap. I slashed myself and I don't know how long for but there was a knock on the door.

"Babe? Are you alright?" Draco asked sounding worried.

"Yeah. Just getting the last of my make up off then I need to get changed still. Like I said, it is tricky to take off." I lied and cursed inwards to myself.

"Ok. Don't be too long though, I want to cuddle." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I cleaned the razor and flicked my wand to get the bandages back on me. I cleaned the floor of blood and got into my PJs. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Draco was lying in my bed with the covers drawn back. He hadn't bother with PJs, he was just sleeping in his underwear.

"I was hoping you were kidding that you were wearing those." Draco beckoned me over.

"Nope. I am cold and I need all the heat I can get." I smiled and got into bed with him.

"What happened today with Severus? He had you excused from class." Draco asked and smoothed my hair out.

"I was just really tired and Sev just thought it would be best if I rested and got some sleep because he thought I was going to collapse or something if he let me continue on throughout the day." I whispered, a little embarrassed about it.

"He is right you know. One day you will, if you aren't careful. You say not to worry but I can't help it. You look like someone had punched you everyday because you don't sleep well and I guess it makes me worry. Also you eat so little and it makes me think that it is possible you might break in two one day when I hug you and I am scared. You tell me you are fine and I want to believe it but I can't. You need to see it from my perspective and maybe then you will see why we are all worried about you." Draco pulled me closer.

I never thought I would hear those words. I felt my heart shatter in my chest. I burst into tears and broke down. I finally let out all these months of fronts, the walls broke and I showed what I really felt.

"Draco, I'm not ok. I never have been. You have all been so worried about me and I never knew till now what I have been doing to myself. I put up a wall to stop myself from feeling the pain and I took the stress out on myself because it is hard to put on a face of not caring and happiness everyday when really I am broken inside. I am scared Draco. I'm scared. I hate my life. I hate the fact that I am in danger. They got into the school and got me once, they can do it again. What if they do? He will kill me the next time I cross his path. Harry would have to watch him kill me and I know what the last thing done to him, imagine him having to see me get killed, what would that do to him? They can still get me, he can still get me. I am terrified everyday that somehow one of them is here, watching me, just waiting for the right moment to grab me and take me away from here again. Please Draco, don't leave me." I burst out.

I let out what I was sure he wanted to hear so I could get him off my case and he just listened and held me close whilst rocking me back and forth.

"I am not going anywhere babe. I am here for you always. I will never leave you. You are my world. To see you like this hurts. I will protect you. I will help you get better. Now I know what you are afraid of I can help. You will get better and I will be by your side until the day we die, nut we are going to die old and happy, not anytime soon." Draco whispered.

I nodded and let him continue to rock me. I felt my eyelids getting heavy and I closed my eyes tight. The last thing I remember is Draco telling me everything will be alright again.