Playing with Fire

e p i s o d e | f i v e (pt. 1)

Living with Anna for ten years has gotten me very accustomed to her daily schedule – especially the one involving sleep.

Every night, she'll fall asleep – whether it's at her desk or on the floor or on her bed – at eleven. It's almost as if she has an internal clock that shuts down when the clock hits eleven o'clock at night. Approximately twenty minutes after she falls asleep, she gets restless because she starts dreaming. I assume her dreams are about her past, because she gets this serious expression on her face.

I first discovered this when we were both eight, and I unintentionally caught her asleep in the living room. She'd tossed and turned on the couch, looking as though she was going to roll off at any moment.

Ten years later, the same thing still happens every night. So, I quietly poke into her room, make sure that she's not sleeping at her desk, and then crouch down beside her. She never looks peaceful when she sleeps.

So, I hold her hand. After a few moments, she seems to relax. She looks so much more serene, and she stops flailing around in her sleep.

I don't know if this helps her for the entire night, or if it's just for that one hour that she can sleep peacefully. All I know is that, unbeknownst to her, I'd discovered that little secret ten years ago. And every night since then, I've done the same thing for her.

It's the least I can do to help the nightmares fade.

***

Rowan Hawthorne.

He doesn't deserve to be around Anna. He doesn't deserve to even stand in her presence. So, why is the world allowing him to take such positions around her?

Anna had been thrilled to tell us that she was going to be helping out with the new "peer group learning" program that Principal Eyre had set up (which Val is also a part of, thanks to her ridiculously-low grades). She's been going on about it for days. However, that also means that Rowan is going to be doing the same thing with her. It's at times like these where I wish that I'd focused more on my grades – though I'm not nearly in Val's range, I'd never found grades to be all that important. It's a little unnerving realizing that Rowan has actually kept up with his schoolwork better than I have.

Of course, it's too late now. I don't have the heart to ask Anna not to do something just for my own, selfish reasons. She's strong. I'm sure she'll handle Hawthorne just fine. Plus, I have Valentine as my personal reporter – even though I doubt she'll be useful, considering how infatuated she is with Rowan in the first place.

God, the thought of that just sends chills down my spine.

Anna knocks on the door and pokes her head into my room at the same time – a habit she's built from the combination of her innate politeness and me constantly telling her that she can just come in whenever she wants. She smiles at me when I glance over my shoulder from my desk, and waves a little.

"Hey," she says, leaning against the wall next to the door. "So, I was just wondering if you could take me to the library again." Her eyes flicker over to my desk. "But if you're busy, that's fine. It's not an emergency."

I stand up without hesitation. "Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it."

I've gotten into the habit of doing any and all favors for her. It started when I was a kid, and it's extended until now. After Grandma decided to take her in, I couldn't reject anything Anna asked for. How could I? I knew exactly what it was like to lose my parents – although they'd died even earlier than Anna's did. I can't remember their faces, but I know Anna remembers her parents'. And, as a kid, I vowed to make sure that she didn't have to feel that same pain ever again.

But Anna's too kind to allow herself to take advantage of her "free pass to everything," and she still feels bad in asking me just to drive her places. No matter how much I've attempted to show that her requests don't bother me at all, she's always been too nice.

"So, why do you have to go again?" I ask her, as we get into my car. She's not one to openly head to a public place out of her own free will.

I notice that she bites her lip a little before responding. That's usually a sign of nervousness, though she hasn't said anything about being troubled lately. "Just for school."

Weird. I have most of the same classes as she does, and I can't think of one that requires time at the library. Well, I'm not going to pry. I have to remind myself sometimes that she doesn't have to tell me everything. It's just hard to imagine that, because we've always been so close.

"Hey, Kai?" Anna suddenly asks me, though she continues staring out the window with a closed hand against her chin. "On a scale of one-to-ten, how deep is your hatred for Rowan Hawthorne at this point in time?"

I glance over at her, surprised by the randomness of the question, before looking ahead again. How deep is my hatred for him? That's a hard question. On one hand, I'd like to say infinite, because I'll never be able to forgive him for what he did. But on the other hand, if he heard me saying that, he'd have the satisfaction of knowing that he's still prevalent in my mind. So, instead, I just laugh and reply good-naturedly, "Why do you want to know?"

Anna turns her head towards me. "I mean, I'm just making sure. You know, since I have to do this whole mentorship thing with him."

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"Not at all," she responds, a little too quickly. She must have realized that, because she clears her throat. "I mean – he's whatever. He hasn't personally affected me negatively."

Not yet. I notice my hands starting to tighten on the steering wheel. "Anna," I say calmly, "you should know that he's a very dangerous person. I thought we were friends, too, once, and look how that turned out. Nothing good will come of you trying to be nice to him."

"I'm not trying to be nice," she protests.

"I know. You're just nice."

She huffily blows on a strand of hair above her forehead and sighs. "I don't think he wants to be my friend," she grumbles, almost to herself.

That'd be for the best. I can't even imagine Anna and Rowan being friends in the first place; they're way too different. Anna can barely stand being in a room full of people, while Rowan is glorified by his ability to draw attention to himself. Anna's the most innocent human being you'll come across, while Rowan's notorious for having the least morals. I don't know if it would be psychologically possible for them to get along.

I stop in front of the library and watch as Anna clumsily ducks out of the car, nearly hitting her head on the way out.

"Call me when you need to be picked up," I call to her, and she throws me a thumbs-up sign in response.

I start to drive away, before getting a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Foreboding? Concern? I can't be sure. But I turn the car around and head back for the library anyway. Better safe than sorry.