Playing with Fire

e p i s o d e | t w e n t y - e i g h t (pt. 1)

It feels like a miracle to have Anna back.

The days we had spent away from each other no longer have place in my memories. What matters is that she came back. She chose me. And that means that I have yet another chance.

I'd almost forgotten about seeing Kane outside of my house a couple of weeks prior. He hadn't shown his face again, and that was enough for me to hope that he'd forgotten about me as well.

But, although I had been able to clear it from my mind for a while, I catch Anna on the living room couch, curled up in her signature position, watching the television screen on across from her. She doesn't notice me as I quietly step into the room. The news continues to blare about Kane White's disappearance, while Anna stares at it silently and expressionlessly.

She gives a little start when I walk behind the couch and pretend to look over her shoulder at the television. "What are you watching?" I ask, feigning ignorance.

Anna shakes her head and turns it off. "Just catching up."

"Are you still worried about that?" I ask her concernedly, heading around the sofa to plop down beside her.

"Aren't you?" Her eyes glisten with nervousness. "I don't know how to explain it. It's not really him that I'm afraid of. It's just ..."

"I know." I interrupt her as she trails off, stroking the top of her head reassuringly. "You just have to stop reminding yourself about it. He can't do anything to you anymore."

She buries her face into her knees. "I just want to forget about everything from the past. I've been trying so hard."

I stay quiet for a moment, and then mutter in a low voice, "Anna, don't do this to me now."

Her head rises and she looks at me with a tired gaze. "Do what?"

I face her seriously. "Do you know how long I've known about you?" When she doesn't respond, I answer for her. "Ten years. I knew about you ever since you came onto the television screen the day of our parents' deaths. And I was partially empathetic and partially grateful to you. Empathetic, because I knew exactly what you were feeling at the exact same time. And grateful, because somehow, you had unconsciously shielded me from facing the rest of the world like you did."

Her head is tipped to one side as she just stares at me. I continue, "I was shocked out of my mind when I realized what a happy individual you were. When I befriended Kai and saw you from afar, I couldn't believe how positively you looked at your life. The more I watched, the more incredible I thought it was. And for the next ten years, I grew up vowing to make sure that I would never show my unworthy face in front of you."

Anna adds a smile to the interested expression on her face. "Well, I'm glad you did."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "But are you? I feel like you've lost that positivity because of me. Because, maybe – subconsciously – I remind you of all those things that happened in the past. And that's why I tried to stay away."

I hadn't realized how difficult it would be for me to tell her this. My throat feels dry, as if I've just coughed up a long-held secret. Anna just searches my face for a while in silence, before letting out a sigh and leaning her head against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "But I promise you that I wouldn't change a thing right now."

My apprehension slowly dissipates, and I swallow back my gratitude for her words. Realizing how sappy I've made the atmosphere, I abruptly stand up and clear my throat.

"Anyway," I say sternly to her, "As much as you'd love to stay here, you have to return to your place sooner or later."

She scowls at me impishly. "I'd love to stay here?"

"Don't deny it." I sniff contemptuously. "I mean, why else would you have stayed beside me for the whole night?"

Her jaw nearly hits the floor. "Oh, I don't know; because I'm nice –"

"Anna, I know you're madly in love with me, but you haven't even been able to brush your teeth this morning."

Her hand instinctively covers her mouth, though I'd made up the insult on the spot. "I take it all back," she says through her palm. "I regret everything." When she stands up, she gives me a dirty look, her hand still covering the bottom of her face, and heads towards the front door. "You're lucky you were in physical harm yesterday," she growls. "I'm only being this nice because you were sick."

Please. She couldn't be mean if she tried. I just fake a cough in front of her. "Oh, I feel another bout of illness coming up. I guess you'll have to stay nice to me for a while."

She mockingly throws a punch at me before pulling out her phone. "I'll call Kai to pick me up, then – since you're so offended by my presence."

The charm contained in her small effort to be angry is so lovable that I just want to pinch her cheeks. "I'll take you back, just so that Kai doesn't kill me for keeping you here so long," I say to her. "But you'd better visit me again as soon as you can."

"Meaning the moment Sawyer wakes up on this Saturday afternoon?"

She gets it. "Precisely."

As I drive her back, Anna suddenly asks, "Do you remember when you told me that I probably wouldn't fall in love with you? Why did you say that?"

There she goes, thinking about the past again. I do remember saying that on the night that I'd first been brave enough to listen to my feelings. I said that more as a precautionary warning to myself; I knew that it could turn out to be true, and I had to prepare myself for that scenario mentally. Of course, nothing could have prepared me for what happened throughout the duration of our relationship.

"I was just trying to save my ass in case you later broke up with me," I respond boldly.

Anna rolls her eyes as we come to a stop in front of her house. "I thought I was organized, but you're ridiculously well-prepared."

"Hey, I didn't know how relationships worked."

She crinkles her nose as she takes off her seatbelt. "You're right. That's weird to think about. You've gotten so good at it."

"Why, thank you." I'm flattered. "Tell your brother I said hi."

"He'll probably say something along the lines of 'screw you.'"

I smile lightheartedly. "I'm used to it."