Playing with Fire

e p i s o d e | t w e n t y - t h r e e (pt. 2)

Grandma is less-than-pleased to see us back home early at first, but she quickly shrugs off her annoyance when Kai reveals the news. I can tell that she wants to say something encouraging to me – just like everyone else – but she doesn't know the right words. So, she just allows us back into the house with fake grudgingness in her voice.

The car ride back home had been a tense one, with everyone trying to avoid saying anything about the news, while not trying to make light of the situation. I'd felt like I was back in the mindset from a few weeks ago when faced with a social setting: uncomfortable. And as much as I knew that I could easily appease the situation myself, I didn't try. I was reverting back to my prior self.

There's a knock on my door, and Kai enters slowly, leaving the door slightly ajar behind him. He sees me sitting distractedly at my desk and lets out a sigh. Normally, I'd be pleased to see him, but I'm just so indifferent to everything right now that I don't feel anything.

"Anna," he says to me, "are you okay?"

I nod in response.

"They're going to catch him soon," he continues firmly. "Eastbrook has a good police force."

I know he's just making up his facts as he goes, but the effort can be appreciated. Truthfully, I'd done my research on Eastbrook's police force a long time ago. They were slow, way too connected to the media, and not especially stern. That's how most high school kids got away with all of these parties and underage drinking.

I remember despising them when I was little, because I thought that, if they had gotten to the crash site sooner, they might have saved my parents.

But that's not the problem now. All I want is for them to catch the murderer again.

"Kai, for this past decade, you know how hard I've tried to forget about everything, right?" I finally say, my voice coming out a little too calmly. It's even terrifying to me.

He nods. "You did a good job, Anna."

"Well, all those years of suppressing the memory just makes it even more vivid now," I breathe, staring into nothingness.

The fire. The alcohol. The man.

"And I have this overwhelming sense of hatred towards him," I continue. "But it's not for what he did, because I've hidden that hatred for too long. It's for letting me remember again." I turn my head to look at Kai, a lump forming in my throat. "Why couldn't he have just let me forget peacefully?"

Kai gives me a long hug, patting the back of my head. "Don't worry about that, Anna. He'll be locked up again in a matter of days. Either that, or he's going to get caught in a different state, and he'll be even farther away from you. You'll be safe."

It's not about being safe in the future. It's about erasing the past now. But I just allow him to try consoling me, before I manage to compose myself.

"Anyway," I say hastily, trying to change the subject. "There's nothing I can do about that now." There's only one other thing that I need to talk to him about now. "So, Rowan told me that you already know."

"Know what?"

"About us." Saying that to Kai is so strange. I never imagined that I'd be saying such words about someone else to him – especially about Rowan Hawthorne.

Kai presses his lips together for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, Anna," he says quietly. "I know."

"Do you hate me for it?"

He shakes his head. "Of course not."

"Well, then," I say thoughtfully. "Do you hate him?"

There's a moment of silent contemplation as I hold my breath, waiting for the response. Finally, Kai responds, "No. I don't hate either of you for it. In fact, I'm going to try to be happy for you." He forces a smile. "I know I've told you to avoid him for so long, but I see that me telling you to do that was never going to stop you in the first place."

I stare at him, bewildered by his lighthearted response. "So, you're okay with it?"

"I'm just afraid for you, Anna," he says somberly. "I'm just afraid that you'll end up being hurt by everything in the end."

I'm not sure what he means, but before I can respond, my door swings forcefully open. Kai and I immediately snap our heads towards the entrance, only to see Valentine staring at us in incredulity.

"What does that mean, Anna?" she whispers. "What does that mean?"