Playing with Fire

e p i s o d e | s e v e n t e e n (pt. 2)

On the outside, I just asked Rowan Hawthorne to fall in love with me. On the inside, I'm screaming at my insanity. What did I just say? What does that even mean? Why did I say that? I had been ninety-point-five percent sure that he was about to kiss me, so why didn't I move away? And why the hell did I grab his face with my hands like a madwoman?

It's too late now. As stupid as I feel, I can't just take everything back. So, I just gulp to myself and continue searching his gaze.

He takes one of my hands in his and removes it from his face. "Anna," he says gently, "I think you're misunderstanding yourself again."

I can almost feel my heart plummeting into my stomach. He's probably right. I don't know what love is. In fact, for the past decade, I'd been madly in love with Kai – or so I thought. The fact that I can even consider changing my mind after all that time proves that I have no idea how to comprehend my feelings.

"Sorry," I mumble, allowing my remaining hand to drop. Rowan catches it with his.

"But I'm down," he suddenly adds cheerily.

"What?"

He raises his eyebrows impulsively. "I don't think you'll fall in love with me, Anna, but we can start by dating."

I cock my head blankly. Did he just say dating? "But Rowan Hawthorne doesn't date," I point out. Wow, I'm starting to sound like a perplexed child. But he just said he wanted to try dating, didn't he? That's totally against his philosophy towards relationships.

"I didn't," he clarifies. "But I can try."

My mind suddenly drops back down to Earth, and I unintentionally let out a gasp, before covering my mouth. "I – uh – let's keep it hidden for now, though. I mean, there's Kai and everything –"

"Anna," Rowan says warningly.

"Hear me out," I hastily continue. "Neither Kai nor Val would be happy to hear this. I'll get everything sorted out, and then I'll let them know, okay? But in the meantime ..." I place a finger over my mouth. "It's a secret between us."

Rowan reclines against the house again, his lips formed into a pout. "So, my first girlfriend is going to be a secret, huh?"

"Adds to the mystique, doesn't it?" I offer, waving my fingers in the air.

"How can you turn everything into positivity?" he sighs. "You're seriously one hell-of-an optimist."

I shrug. I pride myself on being a hopeful person. "Oh!" I exclaim. "I forgot – I have to ask Sawyer to pick me up."

"Sawyer?" Rowan throws me a sideways glance. "You two are close already?"

I nod, pleased. "She offered to take me home early."

He covers his face with a hand. "God, why didn't I expect this to happen?" he mumbles. "Don't listen to a thing she says about me. She always paints me in a bad light."

"I've already heard plenty," I retort, unable to hide my amusement. "And I'm still here."

Rowan lets out a groan of annoyance. "Forget it. I'll take you home."

I pull my phone away from his grasp as he reaches for it. "No. I'm going to have some alone-time with my friend."

"Why did you say it like that?"

"Because you've always said you weren't my friend," I respond, resisting the urge to stick my tongue out like a child. "So, you just promoted yourself from acquaintance to –"

I hesitate to say the word, so Rowan finishes for me. "Boyfriend? What, are you embarrassed, Anna? When you were the one who suggested it in the first place?"

"Wipe that grin off your face," I snap, my cheeks growing warm.

"Whatever." He uses this opportunity to snatch my phone out of my hands and calls his own. "I just think that you should have my number." As he hands the phone back to me, he asks, "Oh, does this mean that I'm not allowed to hook up with strangers anymore?"

My jaw nearly drops, but I swallow down my disbelief. "Why, do you want to?" I demand challengingly.

I can tell that he's entertained by my hesitant expression. "No," he responds, ruffling the top of my head with a hand. "At least not tonight."