Playing with Fire

e p i s o d e | f i f t e e n (pt. 1)

I've been holding back from doing anything stupid for this entire week. When Kai and Milana's dating news broke out, I had been stunned. Out of all the people in the world, Kai chose the one that was least expected. And sure, I had felt a little betrayed at first, because he'd always sworn off dating in high school for Val and my sake. He always believed that taking care of us was enough for him. But the more I thought about it, the more it didn't add up. And the more I realized that he was just ...

Bored. And maybe a bit bitter about what happened with Rowan. So, maybe he needed a distraction. Or perhaps he truly does care about Milana – which is highly doubtful, according to Val – and I'm just looking into it too much. But either way, I'm going to support his decision, because he supported mine.

Well, somewhat supported. I guess he's never fully been accepting of me being friends with his arch-nemesis.

But now he can't say anything, because Valentine absolutely despises Milana, and Kai chose to date her. As awful as it is, I guess part of me doesn't even mind his decision.

A very small part.

I see Benji following Val to her locker and immediately smile a little to myself. She hates his presence so much, but I think they're adorable together. But my smile dissipates once I realize that that's probably how she kept seeing Kai and me. I shake my head to myself. Well, that's not how I imagined us.

"Benji, I'm going to wrap this backpack around your neck if you don't leave me alone right now," I hear Val snap as I approach her locker.

Benji looks at her with sad, puppy-dog ideas. "I was just curious to know whether you were going to Hawthorne's party later tonight." He finally notices me, and gives me a bright, cheerful wave. "Hey, Anna. How are you doing?"

I smile. "Fine. There's a party at Rowan's?" Of course there is. I've been hearing about it all week. But it's best to play innocent.

"Yeah." Benji's eyes sparkle. "He must be going at it, now that he lives by himself. Honestly, I don't even like the guy, but his parties are the only ones that I'll actively listen for."

"What do you mean, you don't like the guy?" Valentine slams her locker shut and rolls her eyes. "You are such a child."

"I'm such a child?" Benji looks offended. "I'm a man, thank you!"

She aggressively pulls on his cheek. "Yeah, tell that to your baby fat."

As she storms off, Benji stares at me with wide eyes. "Anna, do I still have baby fat?"

I pat him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

That probably didn't help, but I have to get home quickly and prepare.

Prepare for what I'm going to say to Rowan when I show up at his party.

Sawyer sips on her iced coffee as we sit across from one another in the café. I'd asked to meet up with her, because I had absolutely no idea as to what I was going to do. I could tell from the look in Kai's eyes when I told him that I was going to follow him that he was absolutely displeased – but he didn't bring up the promise I'd made to him in the past, or the possibility that it could be dangerous. Instead, he just nodded, almost to himself, as if he expected it all along. Meanwhile, Valentine had squealed excitedly again, saying that I was finally "growing up."

Neither of them would be able to help me.

"Honestly, Anna, I can't say that I'm surprised," Sawyer tells me, once I spill out my issue with parties. "Social situations and alcohol, huh? Those two things are what stop you from going?"

I nod hesitantly. "I don't do well when those two things are put in my face. But I'm going to take your advice and confront Rowan today. And a party is the only place where he'd actually pay attention to me."

Sawyer taps on her chin thoughtfully. "I don't know if putting yourself in danger is the best idea, Anna."

I cock my head. "But it's the only way."

She shrugs. "I just hope that you don't get stuck in a bad situation. I would offer to go with you, but I already told Rowan that I was going to stay away from his parties."

Darn. It would be nice to have Sawyer there.

"I just really want to be friends again, you know?" I sigh. "I mean, it's thanks to him that I even met you."

She considers this for a moment, before smiling softly at me. "Anna, I know that you're very innocent and pure-hearted, and that's why I'm saying this, but your concept of friendship is very much different from others'."

Well, I can't argue with that. Most people take their friends for granted, because they've always had them. "I know," I reply.

"And ... I feel as though it would be hard for you to distinguish between someone you really want to be your friend, and someone who you're falling in love with."

I stare at her for a second before recoiling back in my chair. "Oh, no, no, no," I say quickly, waving my hands out in front of me. "That's not at all what's going on. Besides, I've always –" I stop myself from finishing the sentence. I had been about to say that I've always been in love with someone else, but that would only lead to a different conversation.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Sawyer giggles. "But let me ask you something – why do you want to be Hawthorne's friend so badly?"

I don't even have to think about this, because I've asked myself that question so many times. "It's because he understands what it means to be treated differently because of your past," I respond quietly. "And that's why I thought that he was the first person who didn't do that to me."

Sawyer looks at me with a serious expression on her face, before letting out a breath and relaxing her shoulders. "Anna, most people who find someone like that fall in love. And I can't imagine you being an exception. You have normal feelings, too, just like the rest of us."

Though her words are starting to stress me out, the more I think about them, they're also reassuring. Normal feelings, huh? Well, of course. I've always wanted to be normal. So, if I am normal, I'm possibly falling in love with my brother's enemy and my first real friend.

Being normal is a lot more complicated than I'd thought.