My Idol's Baby Sister

Insomnia

The world around me came crashing down the moment my mum told me that my dad had died. I wasn't sad at first because I thought it was a sick twisted joke and I made her repeat it but that just made my mum cry. That's when numbing depression washed over me and swallowed me whole.

I don't remember actually crying but I'm sure I did, I don't remember the flight back to California, the next thing I knew I was in a car and Tommy was driving to my parents' house in Pasadena. I don't think Tommy let go of my hand the whole way home.

Now it's the middle of the night, tomorrow morning is the funeral. Tommy is asleep beside me and Melody is asleep in her room, I'm just sitting up in bed because I can't sleep and it's been this way since the phone call with my mother.

Actually now that I think of it, the last time I actually slept was on the flight from Athens to Amsterdam. I didn't sleep at all in Nijmegen, I didn't sleep on the flight home, I didn't sleep in the car ride to my mother's or the car ride home. The last time I slept was on the flight to the Netherlands, it was about two days ago now but it seems like it was decades ago.

It's just hard for me to think that my dad, my hero, is gone. My dad has just always been there for me, Alex, and Eddie. He worked his ass off as a dishwasher when we first moved to this country to support his family and pay for my medical expenses. The fact that Melody will have only known this amazing man for four years and they baby I'm carrying inside of me will never meet his or her Opa breaks my heart.

I carefully pull the covers off myself so I don't wake up my husband and tiptoe out of our bedroom. I creep down the hall towards Melody's room where the door is open a little bit, the warm glowing light from her night light illuminates the hallway.

I gently push the door to my daughter's room open and lean in the doorway. Melody is peaceful sleeping and, well, snoring. She's wrapped up tightly in her light yellow comforter and has a tight grip on her stuffed lamb. Her walls are lined with pictures of Mötley Crüe so she doesn't miss daddy or her uncles while they're on tour. There's still toys all over her floor from when she was playing earlier.

"I love you so much more than you'll ever realize, little lamb." I whisper. "Sweet dreams."

I close her door over leaving it open a crack before continuing down the hall. I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen next. I'm not hungry so I'm not really sure why I wandered in her but I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it up with orange juice before taking a seat at the island.

Tommy

"Katie, come here." I mutter and feel around the bed.

Katie hasn't really been coping well with the passing of her father, I don't blame her by any stretch of the imagination it's just that I'm worried about her. Even though it's like she's not feeling anything right now I want to make sure that she knows that Melody and I love her a lot.

"Katie." I say a bit louder as I continue to pat around the bed.

After a couple minutes of unsuccessfully locating my wife I push myself up on my elbow and flick on the light. Once light fills the room I realize that Katie isn't in bed or in the room at all.

"Katie." I groan. "Where did you go?"

I pull myself out of the warm embrace of my bed to go and hunt for my wife. I walk down the hall and stop to peak in Melody's room just to eliminate that possibility but my daughter is asleep in her bed alone. I continue to walk down the hall and then down the stairs. I see a light on in the kitchen and I know I've found my wife.

Katie is sitting at the island staring at a glass of orange juice. She has yet to notice me so I lean in the doorway and watch her.

From the outside it would just look like Katie is having problems sleeping but the thing is she hasn't been sleeping. I think Katie is going on close to forty hours with no sleep and it's really starting to worry me. It's like Katie's here but her mind is six million miles away, it's freaking me out because I know that she's not coping or dealing with her sadness and depression.

"Babe, it's late." I say and Katie jumps a little bit before looking at me.

"Yeah, you should be asleep." She tells me and I laugh.

"We both should be." I remind her and lean against the island so I'm facing her. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing." Katie huffs and I smile.

"Try again." I say and she goes cross eyed.

"Everything." She mumbles before narrowing her eyes. "Everything was going really go for a long time and then this happens and fucks everything up."

"I know, baby." I say and kiss the top of her head. "It's going to be hard for a while but the answer definitely isn't to stay awake until things get easier. It's not good for you and it's definitely not good for the little ankle biter that you're carrying around inside you."

"Tommy--"

"Don't 'Tommy' me, Katie. You need to sleep." I state and she rolls her eyes. "Come on, I'm serious." I say and hold out my hand to her.

"We both know that I'm not going to sleep but will it make you feel better if I go to bed with you?" Katie asks and I smile.

"Yes, I need my wife to protect me from the monsters under the bed and in the closet." I laugh and she smiles. "I love you."

"I love you so much more than you'll ever realize." Katie whispers and I kiss her lips.

I don't think I could love anyone as much as I love Katie, she gives me the one thing I've always wanted. She carried my baby girl inside her for almost nine months and now she's carrying my second child inside her. I will forever worship the ground that my wife walks on because she gives me my children.