Exposed (Book 1)

14. Jason

 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've been thinking about how blessed I am. God has given me this once in a lifetime opportunity to share my music with the world and connect with the people—the fans who made this happen. I thought about how He gave me my beautiful mother and sister, and guided my dad into being a better man for our family after our rocky past. I also thought about how He graced me with a beautiful angel who's guided me through last year's insanity. I wouldn't have been able to cope without Marquilla; I'm forever grateful for her presence in my life.

But God can just as easily take all of this back; that's mostly what's been nagging me. In a matter of seconds, something terrible could ruin my career. I'm only nineteen. I adore what I do, so I'm definitely not quitting music soon. Whatever happens, I know the Flamily will always stand by me because they believe. I don't want to let them down.

And then there's Marquilla...I don't know how I'd be able to cope if she breaks up with me. What if something bad happens to her because of me? I know she has her issues. I'd hate to be the one who makes her spiral. My heart wouldn't be able to take it.

I can either focus on the positives, which is what I currently have, or I can dwell on a negative alternate universe. I hope God can hear me when I say that I'm deeply indebted for His blessings. I'm honored to live with this kind of privilege now. Of course I don't want this to go away! Why would anyone want to lose money and fame when it can help raise awareness to causes and voices in need?

Most people only think of themselves when it comes to super stardom, but that's not how I was raised. I'd love to keep my platform for years to come to enlighten and enrich peoples' lives. If God decides to take it all away, then I won't question Him because it'll be His decision.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" a squeaky voice asks.

Sofia is standing about a foot away from me on my left. She shoots me a weak smile before taking a seat and staring out at the view. It's not much since we're sitting on stage. The only thing before us is an empty stadium and the sun faintly shining in the distance.

To normal people, this would be a fascinating sight to see. You can just imagine it being filled up with fans coming to see you. But I'm not the most normal person in the world. Besides, it's the same thing no matter where you go. An empty stadium is an empty stadium until people pile in and the snow begins. Only then does a stadium come alive.

"The doors don't open for another hour and a half," I note as I glance at my phone. "It's a bit too early to get ready, Sofia."

She sighs and shakes her head. I never noticed how concerned she looks until now. Sofia's been worried about me since the Goodrems and her kidnapped me.

Marquilla was far from understanding when she FaceTimed me about that picture. I knew she'd get pissed, but I didn't think she'd be absolutely fuming over it. Nothing bad happened and even Lindsay vouched for me! Yet Marquilla wouldn't have it. Now Sofia thinks my girlfriend's a psycho who thinks every other girl in the world is vile. None of that is true at all.

"Jase, talk to me. What's up? You've been really out of it lately. Whenever you're not putting on a show, you blank," Sofia voices.

"Nothing's wrong with me. And I'm not out of it!" I insist as I lower my gaze. "I'm fine, Sofia. I really am."

"No you're not!" she argues. Luckily there isn't anyone around us. Nobody can hear how harsh her tone was. "Jason, you love people! You're a natural people person. Lately, you've distanced yourself from everyone. You can tell me what's wrong, you know? I don't want to see you be this lonely, Jason. You're my friend, and it kills me to see you this upset. You can trust me."