Exposed (Book 1)

17. Jason

Audrey's text scared the shit out of me. I thought for sure it meant Marquilla was heading to rehab, but it was just a false alarm. Marquie was being her typical self and living it up. It's none of my business if she does it, but I can't help feeling protective over her. I mean, I'm her boyfriend! I should be concerned since she's been doing it for a while and it's an illegal substance. I don't support her doing it and she never does it when I'm around; that only concerns me more. My biggest fear is the cocaine taking over her life and leading her closer to death. That's why I was going crazy over that text.

I talked to Lindsay about the issue a few days ago. She told me Marquie's completely fine and she hasn't been snorting too much coke since the album's been keeping her busy. Thank God she hired Lindsay! That girl is honestly a lifesaver and keeps Marquilla in check. I think she would be in a worse position if it weren't for Linds. I worry a lot less because of her.

We're down to the last few shows, so life is mental right now. Every chance she gets, Marquilla texts me about promoting the song. I think I've listened to "Come on Over" a hundred times already. That's excluding all the times I've heard it on the radio while driving to the venues.

I don't think she needs my help, to be honest. The song seems to be doing fine without me saying people should listen to it and whatnot. I mean, it's number two on the charts! Yet she's still hounding me about it.

Marquie: Why don't you tweet about the song? Don't you love me? Don't you want to support me like I've been supporting you?

I sigh as I slide my phone across the table. That's the sixth text she's sent me today. She knows I can't tweet about her song every single hour, especially since it's crunch time with the tour.

My mind is going insane from exhaustion—mental and physical. I'm sorry to say it, but my health comes before her career. This tour has been hardcore testing me. I don't know if I can take her constant demands when I'm in this state. I love her, but she needs to understand that it can't be all about her. I don' know how much more of this I can take. Sometimes it has to be purely about me.

Me: I will later. Tour is killing me.

I turn off my phone so I'm not tempted to read her response. I know that whatever she's written, it'll make me feel guilty about the lack of support I've been showing. It doesn't necessarily make me a bad boyfriend. I'm just extremely busy and at the last leg of this tour.

I have to put all of my focus into this or else everyone's going to think I'm a terrible singer and performer. Exhaustion is no excuse in this industry. Nobody's going to take it when majority of people don't like me. I'd like to think I'm not terrible seeing as I sound the same live as I do recorded, and I work my tail off to make sure each show is better than the one before it.

"You seem agitated," a squeaky voice observes. "It's totally Marquilla, isn't it? Don't lie to me when I know it's her, Jason. It's okay if she's getting on your nerves. You can tell me, you know?"

I sigh for the second time and shamefully nod my head in response. The smug look on Sofia's face makes it seem okay for me to get frustrated over Marquilla. I should never feel this way about her. The only emotions I should feel for Marqulla are love and adoration.

I've noticed a pattern on this tour. Sofia seems to find me whenever I'm hung up on Marquilla, which in turn appears like Sofia Giante is purely on tour to mock me. I know she always means well with her advice, but it's daunting when everything she says usually counters my relationship. Sometimes she needs to keep her opinions to herself; I'm confused enough as it is. I don't need anyone to make this harder.