Being Me.

The Confession

Noah was on his way back to work after his short vacation. He was standing in the chocolate aisle helping out a little girl pick her favourite type of chocolate bars. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Alex. She'd been waiting for him.

"Hey."
"Hey."
"I'm glad you're back."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Can I talk to you, alone?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Let's go down to that bookstore. I want to show you something."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Noah."

He wasn't sure how this was going to go. They'd already been to the store once and that didn't end well. Here they were again, standing next to the bookstand where Noah spotted Yolanda's book back then.

"Buy this for me."
"What?"
"Yeah. Buy it."
"Why? Is it your birthday?"
"Does it have to be my birthday for you to buy this?"
"Okay. Okay."
"Let's go."

Alex pulled Noah out of the store. They drove to Alex's house in her mom's old car. It was a thirty minute drive. They'd a lot of time to spare.

Okay. This is the perfect time. I'm just going to be honest with him and say it. Phew. Okay, here we go. What am I even doing? How can I make this easier? What if he thinks I'm being a total drama queen? Ughhh!

"Uh. Alex? What's going on? And why are you turning left? I thought we were going to your house."
"What? Yeah. Oh shoot!"
"Are you alright? Shall I drive?"
"No. I mean yes. I'm fine. There's something I need to tell you. But I don't know how to."
"Just say what you need to."
"Okay. Remember when I got all worked up the other day?"
"Sure. Who could forget that?"

Noah chuckled. Alex raised her eyebrows and stared at him.

"Okay. Go ahead. Make fun of me."
"No. No. Tell me."
"Kay. So that buddy of mine wasn't really my true buddy."
"Okay. What do you mean true?"
"Well. It was complicated. I don't know if we really were friends or not. I mean we hung out together. We did stuff. But it was never something that made me happy."
"Then why did you do it?"

"She was my friend! How can you ask that?"
"You just said you didn't know if you were really friends."
"Yeah. You know what I mean."
"No. I don't."
"Oh God. Don't make this any more difficult for me Noah."
"I'm not. You say what you want to."
"Kay. Look. Long story short. We weren't really the best of friends and things happened. We kind of grew apart and I didn't want to buy her book because I was jealous."
"Jealous?"

"Yes. Jealous. I know that's stupid. But I do feel jealous of her. She has gotten this far in life and look at me. I haven't done anything. I don't even know what I want to do. And she's become this great author that people like and I'm just stuck here with Mr.You said that and you said this."

"Wow. Wow. Firstly, don't call me that. Second, she's not you and you're not her. And I don't care how much you hate or dislike her. You've no right to be mean about her life. She's doing what she's doing. You do what you do. And if you don't know what to do, then I guess you've to figure it out. Instead of spending your time thinking about and comparing yourself to people who are no longer a part of your life, you should be focussing on yourself. That'll make your life a whole lot better."

Alex was spellbound. She never heard anyone speak so confidently about anything ever like the way he did just now.

"Okay. Mr.Motivational Speaker. I'll do that. Thank you"
"Again with the naming. Can't you give me a better nickname? Something cool."
"I'll think about it."
"Oh you better."

She didn't expect this to go so well. She didn't have to explain herself too much like she always did. This was more of a comfortable conversation. She was relieved. It was time for her to give him the big present she'd planned to, when he came back.

I hope he likes it. I know he will.