Being Me.

The Uncertainty

It was her first day at work. She wasn't sure what she was doing. But whatever it was she was ready to take on the challenge. Yes, this job felt more like a challenge and less like a profession.

She was second guessing her decision and wanted his guidance. She called him and asked him to meet her up for coffee when she'd a break.

"Hey there. How's the first day of the dream job coming along?"
"I don't think this is what I wanted Noah."
"What?"
"It's hard to describe. But I kind of don't enjoy it. I know it's only been three hours since I started working on this. But I already hate it. Do you think I did a big mistake?"
"Not at all. Even if it's a mistake you've got nothing to lose. Although I must say I'm surprised that you're already giving up."
"I'm not giving up. I only stated the facts."

"Alex. You should try to make an effort to like this job. Give it a week's time. See how it goes. If you leave it because you're scared or because you think it's hard, that'll mean you never tried. When you want something in life you need to be ready to give it your all. You should make sacrifices even if it means stepping out of your bubble if comfort."

"Maybe you're right. Okay. I'll try."
"Good. Now you should get back yo work and I should be going as well."
"Hey. Thanks."
"Sure buddy."

Days went by and Alex was learning how to handle her problems. Noah won't be around always to help her out. She needed to be more confident and independent.

On day seven she wrote in her journal,

Dear diary,

Let's be real. This dream job is not for me. I know it would be hard to get used to. I know I've to try hard and get out of my comfort zone. But it's not that. I just really don't feel happy about this decision. I don't feel like I'm doing something that will contribute to greater good of the society.

Who am I? God! Sometimes I don't understand myself. I guess this is part of "growing up." Whatever that is.

But I do feel like quitting. I know they say quitters are not winners or something like that. I don't belive in that. Just because you quit something it doesn't make you a loser.

Now I'm not going to state examples of great people who quit something they were good at to do something bigger. But I will say that I need to figure this out sooner than later. There's something that'll truly satisfy my soul but it's not this "dream job." Doesn't feel so dreamt anymore.

It pays the bills. So I must keep at it till I can figure something else out. It's better I don't talk about this to Noah or mom. When the time's right I'll let them know. First I need to let myself know.

Yours,
Alex

She was quite confused. Some would call her a drama queen. Others a reserved young adult. But she was done being labelled by others. She was ready to make her own identity. And she didn't need anyone's approval or stamp on it. She would make her own decisions and be her own self.

For now she was going to stick to the boring job that once felt like a distant dream. Whether that made her happy or grumpy was quite clear.

Not happy was evident. Grumpy? Let's leave that up for interpretation.