Taking Chances

Everything and Nothing

Bernard stepped on the gas, wanting to lose the drowning feeling that crushed him in the road rush. With a sudden tug, Bernard pulled off the dogged tie that seemed to choke him all night. But it didn't seem to help him breathe easier at all.

Seeing Sarah with Matt was pure torture- every loving smile, every meaningful glance that she freely gave him agonized Bernard. His mind told him to walk away, but his heart wanted, needed the punishment and willed him to watch.

So he just stood there and allowed the pain to eat him up.

"Serves you right..." He silently said to himself, biting into his knuckle as he drove.

Bernard couldn't go home yet. His empty place would just drive him crazy with loneliness just like the many nights before.

So he went to the place where he always went when he needed release.

He found the basketball court empty as expected. He should be dead tired by now after all the work that he had to do all day. But the pain that burned in his heart energized him.

He got out of his coat and took the ball from the back of his car. He walked up to the ring that greeted him like an old friend. And at that moment, Bernard really did feel like it was the only friend he had left in the world. He found comfort in feeling the ball rise and fall under his fingers, in lifting off the ground to slam it into the hoop.

Ironically, this place where he found retreat is also the place where he pushed her away from his life...

He remembered feeling so angry at Sarah. He was supposed to fly to Davao that day to be with his family. But he chose to be with her. It was one of the rare days where they could be together and she already promised to be with him. But for the nth time, she cancelled.

Because her parents didn't want her to go.

And they always ended up like that... It was like a broken record that they kept dancing to.

He felt so defeated. He felt like he was fighting their war alone. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Bernard!!! Ano pang ginagawa mo dyan?" Sarah cried in frustration. Her parents asked if Bernard could go to dinner at their house instead of them pushing through with their date.

Bernard tried to remain cool and continued to play. "Di ako pwede."

"Ipagpapalit mo ko para sa basketball mo?!"

Hearing that made him snap out. "Oo! Parang ikaw lang! Parati mo naman ako nilalaglag diba?! Oras mo lang, pamilya mo lang ang mahalaga. Yung oras ko, tsaka pamilya ko walang kwenta sayo."

Sarah started to cry. He could tell that she was really guilty that he wasn't able to join his mom because of her. "Sorry na hindi na naman ako tumupad sa usapan. Pasensya ka na... Pero pwede ba na sumama ka na lang muna sa kin? Nagmamakaawa ako sayo... Chance na natin to..."

Bernard never understood why he needed to court her family. It wasn't like that in the States. He couldn't accept that Sarah, who was a fully grown adult, couldn't find the guts to take control of her life. How much longer should he suffer to pay for the sin of courting Sarah without her parents' permission?

He glared at her while she cried. Couldn't she see that he was hurt too? What about his pain? Why wouldn't she care?

He took a deep breath and with a cracked voice said, "Alam mo Sarah, sometimes I think that you don't love me at all. I mean, are you really in this with me? Kasi parang ako na lang ang lumalaban..."

Sarah winced at his words. But he wouldn't take it back. He had to be true to himself.

"Binibigyan tayo ngayon ng pagkakataon nina mama at papa na magkaayos. Gusto ka lang nila makilala. I'm sure, mamahalin ka nila pag nakita nila kung anong klaseng tao ka. Please naman Nard... Wag ka naman magsalita ng ganyan... Syempre mahal kita."