Until I Really Do

Chapter Sixteen

Releasing her grip on the curtains, Sharon stepped back as they fell over the window, blocking the horrid view before her. Yet, the curtains failed to block the image from her mind.

Staggering over to the bed, she resumed her position on the edge. She sat still for several minutes, the image of Gretchen and Matthew kissing, filling her mind until it was all she saw. Sharon told herself that the kiss changed nothing, but she knew quite well that it did; it changed everything. It changed her plans to stay here, married to Matthew. It changed her hope for security and companionship, and while she had hated to admit it, it changed her hope for love. It became very clear to her where Matthew's heart laid. Even more so, it became very clear to her how little she meant to him, his only purpose for marrying her being his intention to possess his inheritance and nothing more. While he had stood and demanded her body, he had only sought to use her, to defile her and toss her to the side in exchange for his inheritance and Gretchen. Matthew Steiner wasn't unlike any man she had ever met; he was exactly like every man she had ever met. Even more so, Matthew Steiner was worse for he wore the mask of a saint over his beastly heart.

Sharon could not help but imagine what would have happened if she had given him the opportunity to consummate their marriage. She knew very well that even the consummation of their marriage would have been unable to stop him from tossing her aside once his aim was reached. Perhaps he would have even handed her over to the next gambler once he was done with her?

Burying her face in her hands, Sharon fought the desire to cry. It would appear that her life was nothing but a game to the men she was unfortunately subject to. She was an object, a pawn!

Angered by the thought, she scrubbed her sore eyes with her sleeves and rose to her feet —she would not sit here and cry. She would not sit here and cower from the rest of the world like one who had something to be ashamed of. Indeed, she had nothing to be ashamed of for it was Matthew who showed no respect for their marriage vows and it was Gretchen who participated in the shameful act. Sharon would not remain trapped in her room while the two were allowed to have a wonderful, warm breakfast!

She slipped out of her nightdress and into a light pink dress. It was the same dress she had gotten married to Matthew in and one of two dresses that had made it to his house with her, the other being the grey one that she had been wearing when Jenkins kidnapped her on the night at the tavern.

The pink dress was lovely and had belonged to her mother before she passed. Even now, wearing it with her hair pulled to a braided bun behind her head, Sharon could see the similarities she shared with her mother- the same light blue eyes, the same blonde hair. Her skin was slightly tanner than her mother's due to the hours she had to work in the sun, and she was slightly taller. It was no wonder that her father, when he got drunk, would mistake her for her mother.

She turned from the mirror, and releasing a nervous breath, began making her way down the stairs to the kitchen.

~*~

Matthew had half the mind to skip breakfast altogether that morning, but he knew his mother would frown at his decision. He also knew he had no solid excuse for skipping breakfast, other than the fact that he was desperate to get away from Gretchen; to keep as much distance between them as was humanly possible, if only to get the memory of their kiss and the guilt that came along with it, off of his mind.

He should not have kissed her —he scolded himself for the umpteenth time that morning. The kiss did nothing but remind him of all the things he loved about her and he hated himself for it. He hated himself because he knew he was married and also because he knew he could never be with Gretchen. Not only did she turn down his proposal, she turned away from him when he needed her the most.

"I can't do this," he had whispered, pulling away from her and ending their kiss.

"Why not?"  Beautiful brown eyes stared back at him.

Running his fingers through his hair, Matthew let out a breath. "I'm married."

"To a woman you can't possibly love," Gretchen's words were true but they were certainly no justification for his actions. "You're in love with me, Matt, not her. I know it," she stepped forward, her hand settling on his chest. "I can see it."

Matthew shook his head, refusing to let her words get to him.

"Am I wrong?"

"Gretchen," he breathed, fully aware of her hand that was still pressed to his chest.

"There's nothing stopping us now, we can still be together."

Unable to respond, Matthew had turned sharply around and hurriedly made his way into the building, desperate to get away from her. For he knew if he hadn't, she would have seen the effect her words had on him and would have used it against him, and he wasn't certain if he would have had the willpower to resist her.

Gretchen was right; his marriage was not built on love, nor was there a possibility of love. Sharon was withholding everything from him and pushing him further away.

As the thought of Sharon drifted through his mind, she appeared in the kitchen, dressed in the same dress she had worn the day they got married. Matthew vividly remembered that day. He especially remembered the look in her eyes when she told him he would never possess her heart.

Crossing the room without a word to the people in it, Sharon took her place by his side.

"Matt, would you mind so terribly, giving me a tour of your lovely property?" Gretchen called from her position on his left hand side.

He shrugged, his gaze on his plate."I have to work."

"But it'll be lovely. We could all go together." She whined.

"Not me, I would absolutely hate to get sunburned." Grace sounded displeased.

"And I'm not feeling perfectly well. I do believe I need a nap after the trip yesterday." His mother said.

"Then I guess it's just you and me, Matthew." Gretchen sounded pleased by the idea of being alone with him. Matthew frowned, desiring anything but to be alone with her.

"Don't you mean you and me?" Sharon spoke for the first time that morning.

Surprised, Matthew turned to her; she sat beside him, her eyes fixed on Gretchen.

"What?" Gretchen said, the edge in her voice hard to miss.

"Matthew already said he needed to work, and Grace and Elle are uninterested in a tour of the property. That leaves the two of us."

"Oh," Gretchen let out what sounded like a nervous laugh. "I don't suppose you're interested and I'm certain I can convince Matthew to come along with me."

"Why wouldn't I be interested in a tour of my property?" Sharon raised a brow.

"Yours?" Gretchen laughed, dismissing her statement with a wave of her hand.

"We're married, aren't we? What's Matthew's is mine seeing as I'm his wife." Matthew thought she spat out the last word, but he couldn't be certain.

Silence followed, Gretchen seemingly unable to respond. Sharon sat still, her eyes still fixed on Gretchen.

"Very well," Gretchen finally said, and when Matthew turned to her, he thought he saw a fire in her eyes he hadn't seen before. "Let’s walk."

"Let's." Sharon said, and a bitter taste immediately filled Matthew's mouth.

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