Until I Really Do

Chapter Thirty Nine

Matthew listened intently to Stanley as he gave him the monthly report on the farm, a smile claiming his face for the first time in days. He could hardly believe it but against all odds, his farm was finally coming back to life.

“Thank you, Stanley.” He smiled, dismissing the farm hand with a nod of his head.

He made his way into the house and up the stairs, his mind replaying the event of earlier that day with Sharon. It had been all he could think about as he went about his assignments in town. He found himself getting lost in his head through the task of delivering Gretchen's letter to London, helping her shop for her journey the next morning and finally returning to the farm to go over the inventory with Stanley.

He was exhausted, but he found it impossible to want to do anything but be with Sharon. Then there was nagging thought that she felt something for him, the thought that she cared enough to engage in a fight with Gretchen.

Groaning, he settled into bed and kicked his boots off. He could talk to her, he thought, lying flat on his back. Perhaps they could have a conversation in the morning? He didn't know if she would be willing to talk to him, but he decided he was going to try. There was after all no point in staying away from her, especially because they were having a child together. They were stuck, even if she did not seem pleased about being stuck with him.

~*~

A smile played at the corners of Sharon's lips as her gaze followed the upward and downward movement of her hands that traveled around her belly. Other than the sudden outburst of emotions and the overwhelming urge to puke half the time, her small figure was beginning to announce the life that was growing on her inside. Of course, it was hardly noticeable but for the one whose eyes were keen enough to take note, it was.

She reached up and pulled her hair into the best bun she could muster at the moment, her stomach growling for food. Or was it the child? She couldn't tell.

Pulling the door open, she made her way to the staircase, and made to go down the stairs, pausing in her tracks as her eyes caught sight of the two people who stood at the foot of the stairs.

Completely unaware of her presence, Matthew and Gretchen stood trapped in an embrace. It was painful to admit, but Sharon thought they looked perfect together —Gretchen with her lovely black dress and red hair that was pulled into an elegant French braid, and Matthew, looking cleaner than she had ever see him in a freshly starched white shirt and grey pants.

Sharon was the outsider, the unwelcome intrusion upon what was supposed to be the perfect love story. She was depriving Matthew of the woman he truly loved; it was a painful thought, but it was the truth. It was part of the reason she had run off in the first place; because she knew she could never possess Matthew's heart when it was already in possession of another woman.

Sighing, she straightened and held her night coat tightly against herself, deciding not to allow the sight before her bother her. There was after all no real point in crying over the truth, as painful as it was. She had come here for breakfast, and while her own ego urged her to go back to her room, she put it aside for the sake of the child rapidly growing within her.

Forcing one foot after the other down the stairs, she found it impossible to tear her gaze off of the couple as they released their hold on each other and stepped back, giving her a full view of the bright smile on Matthew's face.

It was refreshing to see; his smile. It almost felt like she hadn't seen it in ages, like every time he looked at her, all he managed was a frown. Unlike Gretchen who gave him joy, all Sharon seemed to evoke in him was sadnes—

Her thoughts were instantly cut short as her body tumbled forward, her grip loosening its hold on the rails. Pain shot up her sides, knocking the air out of her lungs until she was nearly passing out from it.

Horrified, she tried to catch herself, her hands flailing aimlessly in search of something to grab on to, but her spinning vision made it impossible to do so as her body continued to tumble down the stairs, its sharp edges scrapping painfully against her sides until her head was slamming hard against the wooden floor.

“Sharon!”She heard her name amidst the sharp ringing in her ears and the pain that clouded her mind.

Tearing her lips apart, she tried to speak, but her tongue remained stubbornly glued to the bridge of her mouth.

“Sharon! Oh God!”

Something pulled her ragged form forward, forcing a pained whimper from her lips.

“Matthew, what can I do?!” She heard another frantic voice somewhere in the distance of her mind.

“Gretchen, get a doctor, now! Get Stanley, Nana, get anybody...” His voice seemed to be fading around her, her eyelids fighting desperately to fall shut. But she fought against them, realizing for the first time that she was in Matthew's arms. She hadn't been in his arms in ages. She missed being in his arms. She wanted to snuggle close against him and revel in his presence but the pain made it impossible to do so.

“Blondie? Sweetheart, stay with me.”

She focused her gaze on him, the black spots in her vision clearing up a little to give way to his weary face, sad eyes staring back at her. The sight of him seemed to tug on the strings of her heart, momentarily numbing her to the pain she felt. She instead wanted to take his own pain away. She wanted to reach out and wipe away his sadness. It was her fault that he was sad, wasn't it? How could she have hurt the man she loved?

Tears filled her eyes then as realization settled in; she loved him. She had always loved him, which was the exact reason she had run away in the first place; she was afraid of how she felt. She was afraid of the pain she thought would accompany loving him.

Her hand felt like steel but she managed to raise it up to his face, her fingers brushing his cheek.

“Blondie,” he whispered softly, taking her hand in his. She felt his warm lips brush her knuckles.

“Ma...th...ew...” She tried to speak, a bitter taste filling her mouth as darkness began to shroud her vision.

She thought she saw his lips move, but the intensified ringing in her ears made it impossible to hear him.

I love you! I love you more than anything in this world —her mind screamed, even if her lips remained adamantly glued together.

Unable to fight the darkness any longer, she let out a soft sob as her eyelids flickered shut and her body gave in to the darkness.

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