Until I Really Do

Chapter Forty Three

The thought of the death of Sharon's father never left Matthew's mind. He couldn't get himself to think past the fact that he had to be the one to break the news to her; news he knew would wreck her completely. He couldn't bring himself to tell her, no matter how hard he tried.

And he did try. For three days, he tried, going over it various speeches continuously in his mind with each new speech sounding more pathetic than the last. There was no easy way to possibly break the news to her without wiping that glimmer of joy that sparkled in her eyes every time she held their new baby close.

Unable to keep the news from her any longer, Matthew reluctantly entered the nursery. He paused by the door, his heart skipping a beat at the sight that greeted him.

Seated on a rocking chair with the baby in her arms, a breathtaking smile lighted up Sharon's face. It was the happiest he had ever seen her. It was the first time that he truly believed she was happy -she was happy being here, with him, and in his home. It was the first time he believed he wasn't going to wake up one day to find that she had run off on him again. And for the first time in many months, the feeling of contentment washed over Matthew; he was content knowing his wife was happy.

For several seconds he stood watching the scene behind him, the memory of his intention for coming here in the first place, completely gone until she raised her gaze to him and smiled. It was then that he remembered, knowing full well that he was about to convey news that would take the smile off of her face.

Letting out a weary sigh, he crossed the room. "I need to talk to you" He said, taking the baby from her arms and placing her in the crib.

"What is wrong?" A frown quickly displaced her smile.

He ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of how to break the news to her. He had wasted three days contemplating the easiest way to tell her, but had come up with nothing.

"Sharon, your father passed away." He finally said.

She sat still for several seconds, the color draining from her face. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but her lips produced no sounds. Then, she shut it again.

"I'm so sorry." He knelt before her, taking her trembling hands in his.

"What happened?" She whispered, shaking her head.

"No one knows. He was found dead in a dark alley. There were no wounds or signs he was murdered. He might have been sick."

She let out a shaky breath, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Pa was a good man" She glanced up at him, sadness clouding her eyes. "He was a really good man, Matthew!" She said, before falling into his arms, her loud sobs ripping his heart into millions of pieces.

~*~

It was all her fault! George Freelance was dead because Sharon had abandoned him. She had been selfish enough to think he could survive without her. He had been her responsibility and she had abandoned him.

She sat grieving for her father, inconsolable even by Matthew's presence. His firm hold on her proved incapable of keeping her from falling apart as the image of her father appeared before her eyes. She saw him; a man damaged enough to place his daughter on the gambling table. He was damaged enough to lose her to the vile man that was Jenkins. He was damaged enough to let Jenkins haul her over his shoulder and carry her out of that tavern, kicking and screaming.

But he came back. George Freelance, as damaged as he had been, had come back for her. Surely that had to mean that he loved her! Surely it was the part of him that cared about her that caused him to come to the farm that afternoon, looking for her.

It was true that he had attacked Nana Lois and his presence had caused a lot of trouble, but it had been the best he could do -for some sick, twisted reason, it had been his best way of expressing his love for her.

He hadn't been the best father, but he had her father. He had been all she had left. He hadn't taken care of her in anyway, but he had been her only family, and that day, when he showed up on the farm and caused a scene, begging for her return, she had turned from him. She, like every other person in the world had turned her back on her father and he had died alone, on the streets.

"I should have gone with him." Her words came out in broken sobs. "I should have been there for him -with him. It's my fault, Matthew. I turned my back on him like everybody else. I neglected him when he needed me the most. I was selfish."

"You couldn't save him." Matthew tried to reassure her but she shook her head; she should have tried. "Blondie, you can't blame yourself for something you couldn't help." His chest rumbled against her back. "I know I can't take his place but at least know I'm here. I'm always here for you, Blondie." He tightened his hold around her and she leaned further in.

Sharon didn't know if she could trust that Matthew would always be here. Hadn't she already lost all the people she cared about?

Slowly, she turned to look at him, her gaze searching his for signs of deceit; she found none. She instead found that the slight pulling of his brows together was brought about by the concern he felt for her. She knew the sadness in his eyes reflected the sadness of her soul. But so much more than anything, she knew he loved her, and it was his love for her that was never going to die.

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