Until I Really Do

Chapter Twenty Eight

“Will you not only have a wedding with me, but will you also stay married to me?”

Matthew's words echoed in Sharon's ears, forcing a smile to her lips until she cheeks began to hurt. But, she couldn't stop smiling neither could she stop staring at the new addition to her finger; the ring. The beautiful ring that fitted her finger so snugly, she wondered how she went all her life without it... without him. How had she gone all her life without Matthew and these wonderful emotions only he could create within her?

Her smile broadened as she screwed the ring further down her finger. She could still picture the look on the rest of his family's face when Matthew announced their impending wedding. Certainly, none of them appeared pleased by the news —none except Nana— and while Sharon found that she didn't care for their opinion, it was the look on Gretchen's face that caused Sharon's smile to broaden; the look of absolute horror. It nearly seemed like someone had slapped her hard across the face, causing the blood to drain from her face until she was as white as a corpse.

Sharon knew Gretchen wanted Matthew back, and it was the realization that she had not only won in the unspoken battle between herself and Gretchen that brought so much satisfaction Sharon's way, but also the realization that she had won Matthew's heart. Unlike the many times others had chosen themselves above her —her own father choosing his liquor over her, and the vile Jenkins choosing the cancellation of his debt over her— it warmed her heart to know that Matthew had chosen her above Gretchen and even above his own father's threat to divorce her.

In many ways, Matthew's father reminded her of her own father for they both seemed to share a penchant for manipulation. And although there were times she wondered what had come of his threats to deprive Matthew of the money he needed to pay his debt if he didn't divorce Sharon, she wasn't certain she wished to find out.

Rising to her feet from where she was perched on the edge of the bed waiting anxiously for Matthew to show up, she made her way to the window and pushed the curtains aside. Her eyes scanned the darkness, looking for signs of Matthew returning from the stable where he had gone to water the horses right after dinner. It felt as if he had been gone for hours even if she knew it had merely been minutes since he left and she came up to the room.

Still, she missed him. The part of her that did not like being apart from him for too long, continued to search the dark environment until she spotted movement and easily discerned his silhouette.

He approached the building, a small smile curving her lips as he neared. But just as he reached the front porch, he paused in his track.

Sharon watched him, slightly confused by his hesitation. She barely saw his face and from her position, she couldn't see the porch, but she assumed he was speaking to someone on the porch.

Curios, she leaned further against the window and peered down at him, hoping to catch a glimpse of his companion just as he took the stairs that led him up the porch.

She saw nothing then. She neither saw nor heard anything even as she listened for the sound of the front door opening.

Withdrawing from the window, Sharon turned to face the door, hoping he'd make his way inside. Doubt clouded her mind, the images of his assumed companion filling her with unease. But she pushed her doubts aside and instead stood anxiously by the window, her eyes fixed on the door, her hands clasped before her as she toyed with the ring on her finger.

He asked me to marry him, she mentally murmured, reminding herself of her victory —me, not Gretchen. He loves me, not Gretchen. He chose me, not Gretchen.

Still, with every second that ticked by, her doubts seemed to get the upper hand; but he's with Gretchen right now. Perhaps they're even kissing. Perhaps he still loves her?

She shook her head, trying and failing to push the thought aside. Turning sharply from the door, she stalked over to the bed where she resumed her position on the edge. She could not be certain Matthew was even with Gretchen, least of all give in the thought of them possibly kissing. She would wait for him to return to her. He would return, wouldn't he?

Groaning, she sprang to her feet, her thoughts torturing her. Perhaps if she went down there, she would put her fears to ease. Perhaps then she would even see how silly she was acting!

Grabbing her night coat, she turned and made her way out of the room and through the dimly lit stairs. The building was silent, making it clear to her that Matthew was most likely still outside. Whatever he was discussing seemed to be important, she decided, slowing as she reached the foot of the stairs. Perhaps it was best she went back upstairs? If he was in the middle of an important conversation, it would most likely be with a farmhand and not Gretchen. Perhaps it had to do with seeing about their wages?

She tightened her grip on the railing, willing her legs to take her back up the stairs. Yet, curiosity held her captive, her fears threatening to drive her to the edge of insanity until she was resuming her walk through the building and to the front door, coming up with an explanation for her presence if asked; she would simply say she had come down for a glass of water and heard sounds on the front porch. Not only was it a good excuse, it would help to ease the tension that was sure to arise once he realized she had only come down here to eavesdrop.

Releasing a soft sigh, she slowly pulled the door open and pushed the screen door. It gave way before her, darkness temporarily blinding her until her vision adjusted to it enough to see almost clearly.

Still, Sharon doubted what her eyes saw. For certainly none of it could be true, could it? And if it was indeed true, it couldn't possibly mean anything! She was simply being silly! She was overreacting. She was letting her fears win. She was letting it drag her into that very dark place again when she should be enjoying the light Matthew's love seemed to provide. And why was she crying?! She mentally scolded herself, willing her tears to stop pouring down her cheeks. But they wouldn't stop. The darn thing wouldn't stop no matter how much she begged them to stop! Her tears were as stubborn as the image of the two people before her, lost in each other's arms; Gretchen and Matthew. They clung to each other like their lives depended on it, failing to even notice Sharon's presence —or choosing to ignore her.

Indeed, nothing else seemed to matter to the couple as Gretchen's face remained buried in Matthew's chest, his hands running down the length of her back as he rested his chin on her head.

It was a simple hug —one that tore at her heart strings, but one that could have several explanations nonetheless. Perhaps Gretchen simply needed a hug? Perhaps rather than be with his wife who had stayed up all evening awaiting his return, he chose to spend his time with Gretchen?

Bitterness sprang up in her heart and she fought desperately to shove it aside. She would simply return to bed and ask him about it the next morning. He would not lie to her, would he? Even as the thought filtered through her mind, she reminded herself that he wasn't her father. He wasn't a liar. He wouldn't betray her. He wouldn't give her up like a piece of unwanted property. He wouldn't choose Gretchen over her. No, he loved her —her, not Gretchen.

Releasing her grip on the knob, she turned to go back inside when Matthew's next words stopped her dead in her tracks:

“I love you, Gretchen.”

The wind carried the words to her, forcing a chill down her spine.

“I can't stay, I must leave.” Gretchen's murmur only helped to heighten Sharon's grief.

The silence that followed screamed at Sharon, bombarding her battered mind with thoughts that made it nearly impossible to maintain her footing; why would Gretchen inform Matthew of her need to leave? Did he ask her to stay? Did he want her to stay with him? Wasn't Gretchen Matthew's first choice for a wife? Didn't Matthew have to marry Sharon because Gretchen turned down his proposal? Perhaps he asked her to marry him again, and after she turned him down for the second time, he had chosen to give the ring to Sharon as a means of spiting Gretchen?

Why were they here tonight? Was this his final attempt to get Gretchen to marry him? Would he demand the return of his ring once Gretchen agrees to his proposal?!

She meant nothing to him then. Like her father, Matthew was using her for his own benefit; to make Gretchen jealous enough to accept his proposal. Gretchen was to Matthew what liquor was to her father; everything. And Sharon was to Matthew what she was to her father; nothing.

“I understand.” Matthew finally whispered, dragging her back to the present.

Forcing her feet forward, Sharon silently closed the door behind her and made her way back to her room.

She could never win.

Copyright © 2016-2020 Lily Orevba All rights reserved.

I wrote myself to a corner with the last chapter, hence the late update. But I'm back on track now, so here's hoping you like this chapter.

Thank you so much for reading.