+ Positively Negative - | Freddie & Joey

20. Freddie + Broken Once, Twice, A Thousand Times [Part Three]

It's really getting closer and closer to the end... Wow. I've got tears in my eyes (how lame).

Thank you for everyone who's read, who's reading, and who is still to come I guess.

Oh, and the picture on the side would be of Freddie and Joey :3

Chapter Twenty

Broken Once, Twice, A Thousand Times Part Three

Freddie +

After we’d eaten, Joey and I retreated upstairs. It was strange, because I actually felt a little uncomfortable once in my room. Of course I had all these rather erotic thoughts in my head the second he bounced a little and threw himself onto my bed, facing upwards, arms and legs splayed out, head lifted a little and eyes closed. Despite having given him a blow job already, I didn’t want to take Joey further than he was ready for -again, anyhow.

I knew I should have told Joey about moving then- that was why I’d wanted him to come home with me after all- but again I was chickening out. I was too scared of what his reaction would be… Whether he’d be that upset at all. And despite the two of us only being official for not even two days, I was still going to miss him a hell of a lot, wherever I went. Would he miss me as much as I’d miss him?

I stalked over to my bed and flopped onto it, belly up. Joey placed his hands behind his head. I looked across at him, his pensive features intriguing me. “Hey,” I called gently. He turned up and glanced at me.

“Yeah?”

“What are you thinking about?”

Joey turned back to facing the ceiling and didn't answer for a moment, looking as if he, himself, wanted to know the answer to my question. Eventually, though, he sighed. “Just how much I've changed and stuff, I guess. Like, I was thinking back to when I was a kid. Before I thought- well I never really thought about it, but I assumed I was shy and... Insecure, I guess. Like I am now-”

“You're not!” I protested, more out of shock than disagreement.

“I am,” Joey smiled a little. “I'm just really good at hiding it, at this point.” Oh. I couldn't quite comprehend that. He'd always looked so self-assured around his friends, and confident. He wasn't the loudest- and come to think of it, he didn't talk as much as half of them. But I'd still never imagined he was insecure.

Though... When we'd started working together -just us two- Joey had been a little less sure of himself. I'd thought that was just because of my being... Gay.

“I miss being a kid,” Joey stated. It was wisftful.

“You preferred life then?” I asked him.

“Yeah.” He turned onto his side and looked up to face me. My duvet was covering one of his cool blue eyes a little, so I reached a hand over and pushed it down.

Joey was beautiful.

“Don't you?”

“I...” didn't really know. My childhood was a mixed up stage in my life. It was pretty uneventful most of the time. “I was a quiet, shy and fairly obedient kid.” I began with the quirk of a lip. Joey looked on. “Yeah, it was boring. I do remember, though, that whenever I was upset about something, instead of throwing a fit and screaming the house down I would go inside the cupboard opposite the stairs and just sit there for the longest time.”

“What did you do in there?” Joey asked, watching me with wide eyes. I grinned. For a moment there I was so tempted to yell masturba-ate! Instead, I shrugged and closed my eyes for a moment. The last thing I remember doing in there was thinking about Dmitry and cutting myself for the first time. That was just before I started at the school, before I'd decided to just accept everything that had happened to me, and accept who I was. I hadn't been in there since I'd started there, met my friends, come out officially. I guess it was as if I'd literally come out of the closet.