I Am A Monster (David Escamilla A.U.) (#Wattys2015)

②⓪

"Remember The Time You Said "Son, It'll Be Alright."? Remember The Time You Said "Son, It Will Be Just Fine."? Well, I'm Waiting For The Day That My Mind Says It's Had Enough. And I Pray That Day Will Come Soon So I Can Finally Feel Loved. I Just Wanna Feel Loved. I Just Wanna Feel Loved." - Sick & Disgusting ~ Beartooth

——

Just remembered that "5 years ago" David was a senior in high school and "4 years ago" David would have graduated...oops. If it's too confusing go back and re-read the chapters...I went back in and edited them...Sorry!!!

——

I stayed with Dave at my apartment. He nervously fritted about, making sure I was comfortable, well fed, and happy. David didn't explain what had happened with his father, or why we had to make a quick exit, but by the way he was acting, I could tell it wasn't really bugging him.

My brothers were due to come home tomorrow night and I warned Dave that he needed to be out of here by the time they got home. Benn wouldn't like it. He would be furious.

David was cooking me dinner and I was sitting on the couch, leafing through my homework.

"Fuck, these Trig questions are killing me." I moaned, flipping my notebook shut. "Thank god it's May. I'm going to be out of school soon." David chuckled, bringing a plate in for me and himself. He placed the plate on the coffee table and he sat down next to me, picking up his fork. "What didja make me?"

"Pork chops and some rice. It's not much, but it's filling nonetheless."

I smiled at David and began to eat. David was a really good cook. He cooked better than most people I know. It would be expected from someone his age and his stature. He lived alone, he ate alone, and he worked alone. Except for school. In school he had all of us.

"Thank you." I told him, leaning my shoulder against his. He leaned right back, chuckling.

"Any time, Charlie." I always wondered who saw this side of David. I know the guys probably never saw it. Maybe Sydney saw it. Maybe David's past girlfriends saw it. And maybe Andy saw it. But he was such a tough guy. It hurt me to know he had to act differently around everyone in school to gain respect.

When we finished dinner, David opted to watch a movie on TV with me. We were flipping through channels before he decided to settle on some channel that was playing a drama. It was the movie Fly Away Home.

Instantly a pang of hurt and nostalgia hit me like a wave. I felt my stomach tie up in knots and a lump grew in my throat.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?" David asked, looking at me with a strange look on his face.

"My...my mom and I used to watch this movie together all the time." I said tiredly, my voice cracking. "I haven't watched it since she...since she died."

David looked confused and nervous. "Huh?"

"This used to be our favorite movie." I sighed. "But...she's gone now. And I..." I felt tears in my eyes and I looked over at David. "Do you ever feel so guilty and so upset and you feel like you did something wrong? But you know you didn't...but you still hate yourself for it?" I bit my lip and watched as David frowned.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

I shook my head. It was a story for another time.

"I hate myself because of it." I whispered. "Do you know what that feels like?"