Conceal,Don't Feel

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Jordan's POV
I woke up in the familiar a dorm room. It was none other than Tracy's. I knew because of the Supernatural poster in the corner of the room. "Morning babe!" She says wrapping her arms around me. Wait is she naked? Wait am I naked?! Oh great looks like I blacked out. Ugh this has only happened on New Years last year. I woke up on a street corner next to a bar and had no idea how I ended up there. "Morning. We hooked up last night didn't we?" I ask sitting up. "We sure did and it was great sex." She says as she slaps my ass I rolled my eyes at her as I started searching for my clothes. "Why don't we just make things official baby?" She asks sitting behind me on her knees as I start putting my pants on. "What do you mean?" I ask as she starts kissing my neck. She bits my ear and whispers "I think you know what I mean." She says as I put my bra back on and throw my shirt over my head. "Tracy I told you this from the first night we hooked up. I don't want to ruin our friendship. I mean what happens if I get super drunk one night and make out with some other chick." I say "Mistakes happen babe." She says "Tracy I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I hurt another person that I cared about. I can't do that again okay I just can't!" I say somehow she got in front of me and kneeled down in front of me. "Okay I'm sorry babe. I get that you haven't forgiven yourself for what you did to Alex. I didn't mean to make you upset." She says I shrugged "It's whatever." I say starting to get up but before I can get out of her dorm she steps in front of me. "No Jordan come on don't shut me out babe." She says "I'm not your babe." I say as I push past her.
Flashback
"Jordan!" I hear Alex call for me. I smile as I grabbed the ring box. "Yeah babe?" I ask as I held the box behind my back. I look up at her and my smile fell when I saw her face. "Babe what's wrong?" I ask "I think you know exactly what's wrong!" She says raising her voice. I look at her confused. "You cheated on me! How could you do that to me Jordan?!" She says in tears "Alex I didn't mean to. It was an honest mistake." I say trying to explain myself. "So What willingly fucking someone is a mistake!" She yells "I was drunk Alex I didn't know what I was doing!" I say "No Jordan I think you knew exactly what you were doing." Alex says calmly "Alex please believe me." I pleaded with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry Jordan. It's over." She says starting to walk out. "No babe wait." I say "I'm not your babe." And those would be the last words she speak to me.
"Jordan!" I hear my English professor say "Yes professor?" I ask "You weren't daydreaming again were you?" He asks "Of course not sir." I say as the class laughed he sighed "Pay attention Ms.Jones this will be on the midterm." He says while I hear people snicker. I rolled my eyes and jotted down a few notes trying to push that memory to the far back of my brain. I sighed in relief when I heard the bell ring. I packed up my class and headed out. "Hey Jordan wait up!" I hear someone say I look to see Chris running to catch up to me. "Hey Chris I didn't know you attended UCLA" I say "Well now you know. Matt goes here too and so does Nicky." He says "Wait really that's cool." I say "Yeah so listen I've got our schedule all worked out for rehearsals and stuff. I figured we could rehearse on the days we don't have classes and we could do some shows on the weekends. How does that sound?" He asks "Sounds perfect! I'm really excited to get to know you guys better." I say "I know me too! Just think soon we'll all be best friends." He says with a sparkle in his eyes. I smiled at how excited he was. "Yeah but listen I really gotta head back to Demi's. She'll probably think I'm causing trouble or something if I'm not back by lunch." I say "Alright but the real reason I wanted to talk to you was to invite you over to Matt and I's apartment. We always have like a get together when we meet new people. Nicky will be there." He says smirking at me. "Okay I'll be there!" I say smiling at the thought of seeing Nicky again. "You so have a crush on her." He says in matter o factly way. "I do not!" I say "uh huh sure! Come on babe it's so obvious that you like her." He says "Okay but even if I did like her. I'd like to get to know her better before jumping into a relationship. Especially since things didn't end very well with my last one." I say looking down "Oh damn I'm sorry dude. I didn't know." He says I nodded and sighed "It's okay it's been months since it happened. I guess I haven't had time to actually think about it." I say "Well if you ever need someone to vent to. I'm all ears! I know break ups suck. Hell I thought about proposing to my ex but then he ended up being a jerk and cheated on me. But if I had proposed to him then I would have never met Matt." He says smiling mentioning his boyfriend. "Yeah thank Chris. I'll see tonight okay?" I say "See you tonight Jordan!" He says waving as he walks off to his car. I walk to mine and throw my backpack in the back. I make it back to Demi's just in time for lunch. "Hey I was surprised that you actually woke yourself up. Looks like little Jordan's all grown up." Demi says as I walk through the door. Huh she actually bought that. That was easy. "Yeah well I had to learn to set my alarm since I now had no one to wake me up in the morning." I explain "Anyway I was wondering if I could go over to Matt and Chris' place tonight. They are having this get together and it's only gonna be them Nick and I." I say "I thought you didn't want to hang out with total strangers?" She says as I rolled my eyes. "Well they seem pretty cool and I'd like to get to know them better." I say "Okay but you know the rules." She says "Yeah I get it. No alcohol,No weed even though it's legal now in this state, and No sex. Not that I was planing on getting laid tonight." I say "Mhm sure you weren't." She says smirking at me. "Whatever think what you want I'll be up in my room." I say as I head upstairs. I sigh as I enter the room. Finally some peace and quiet. I dropped my stuff and decided to go out on the roof. I took a couple of shots and smoked a couple joints. "Conceal, don't feel. Right Elsa?" I chuckled to myself as I checked my phone for texts and I had a few.
Tracy😏💋: Jordan im sorry. I didn't mean to upset you like that. Come on dude just talk to me.
Brady💊🚬💉: Hey dude just made some of my special brownies!
Nicky💞: Hey heard you're gonna be at Chris and Matt's tonight! Can't wait to see you there!
I smiled at the last text and sent her a reply as well to Brady telling him to save me some of those brownies. "Jordan? Are you on the roof?" I hear Demi call from inside. "Um Yea I'll be inside in a sec!" I say quickly disposing of the joint and covering my stash. I also popped a piece of gum into my mouth so she wouldn't suspect anything.  I climbed back inside to see a very suspicious Demi in front of me. "Can I help you Superstar?" I say annoyed with the look that she was giving me. "Actually yea you can. Do you mind explaining to me why the neighbors called me saying that a teenager was smoking weed on my roof." She asks with an eyebrow raised. "Well you've got the wrong teenager Superstar. You took away any weed that I had." I say calmly a tactic I learned from Brady when he was trying to hide the fact that he had a drawer filled with drugs from campus supervisors. "Oh so you wouldn't mind if I looked to see for myself?" She asks "No! I mean is that really necessary?" I ask "Jordan move aside." She says "Since when do you trust some neighbors word over mine?" I ask "Since they have actual evidence and you don't." She says showing me the picture of me on the roof smoking the joint. "You've been caught Jordan. So just accept defeat." She says "Ugh whatever I was planning on leaving soon anyway." I say "Why are you like this kid? When did you become a druggie?" She asks I scoff "So that's what you're labeling me as now!" I say "No Jordan I didn't mean it like that." She says "Well It sure sounded like it. But if you must know it's because they helped take the pain away. Since no one was there for me in a time when I needed them the most." I say "I would've been there for you Jordan. I was just a phone call or text message away." She says "Don't you think I tried calling you Demi! I must've left you dozens of voicemails but you never got back to me. So take my stash,forbid me from seeing my friends,hell put me under house arrest if you feel so inclined to. But no matter what you do things will never go back to the way things were two years ago." I say and with that I left. I texted Nicky asking if she could give me a ride over to the boys' place and she said sure. I know I must've hurt Demi but she hurt me too. I tried reaching out to her many times after Alex and I broke up but she never answered.
Flashback
"Hey this is Demi! Leave a message!" I hear the voicemail say as it's followed by a beep. "Hey Demi um I know you're probably busy or something but I just really need someone to talk to and if you could give me a call back I'd really appreciate it. I-I miss you Dems. Okay well bye." I say as I hang up that was probably the millionth voicemail that I had left her. It had been a week since Alex broke it off and I was an absolute wreck. I didn't know what to do with myself. My friends and sister were all giving me the could shoulder and now Demi was too busy to talk when she promised that she would always have time for me. I just needed to get away from it all. So I did the only thing I knew I went to take a walk. "Hey kid you look like hell." A guy with dirty blonde hair says "Yeah well I feel like it too." I say "Here it'll make you feel better." He says handing me a flask. I shrugged and took drink letting the burning liquid into my system. "Fuck that's strong." I say wincing. "You get used to it. I'm Brady by the way." He says "Jordan"
"Jordan!" I was snapped out my thoughts by Nicky calling me. "Huh?" I say "Dude you okay?" She asks "Yeah sorry I'm just a little out of it." I say getting in her car. "Wanna talk about it?" She asks starting up the car. "I'd rather not. Just a lot of shit going on." I say "Well it's a good thing tonight is all about having fun and forgetting the bullshit." She says "Yea forgetting bullshit sounds nice right now." I say "That's the spirit we're having fun tonight and that's a promise." She says as I gave her a small smile she backed out of the driveway. I sighed sometimes I wish I just could forget the bullshit. But unfortunately like every single mistake I've made it's never forgotten. Always there as a constant reminder that I screwed up. But maybe tonight I'll be able to forget for once.
A/N: Hey guys so sorry this chapter is kinda all over the place but anyway what do you guys want to see? Hope you guys are enjoying this story so far. Well until next time guys love you!

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