Remember Me

Chapter 10

Week six. Kristian is back at school again, though he has not said a word to me. He talked to Carlos but acted as if I don't exist. Carlos notices this the other day and asked him if he wanted to hang. Kristian said sure, but once Carlos said he was going to just grab me he changed his mind. He was avoiding me of course. He hates me. He blames me. I couldn't blame him, but he could at least look at me when we are inches apart. We haven't had a surfing lesson in weeks. I have been doing it on my own, failing every attempt.

Kristian was doing fine when it came to the crying, he has cried in weeks, until now. It's weird, I didn't know guys could cry this much. I thought it was just once and then back to macho and holding back emotions. I had enough of it this time, he made me feel bad every time he did and I am sick of feeling bad and I am tired of mourning. The funeral was a few weeks ago, Kristian didn't show up till everybody left. How do I know? Because that's when I went as well. I stood far back watching Kristian as he brought up a bouquet of pink hydrangeas; I assume those were her favorite. He also held a gold chain, possibly a locket? I don't really know, I didn't check. He dug a little hole where Elena was buried and placed the necklace there. Then he said something in Spanish and walked away. I only held a bouquet of white roses, I wasn't sure which type of flower was appropriate to bring and I of course couldn't remember which ones were her favorite. I stared upon her tombstone that read Elena Roman~1995-2016~Sister, daughter, friend and beloved angel. A tear had escaped my one eye so I kissed the tombstone and left before I started crying and that time I wouldn't have been able to stop.

I march upstairs, tired of Kristian 's crying but mostly tired of having to feel guilty and tired of him avoiding me. "Kristian !" I yelled, while banging on his door. "Open up." He said nothing. I banged once more, nothing again. "Okay fine, don't open, continue to avoid and ignore me." I press my back against Kristian 's door and sigh. "But I have to tell you this, it is about time someone did."

"Elena is gone Kristian and it wasn't my fault, or your fault, there is nothing we could have done to stop it. Believe me if there was I would have." He continued to stay silent and I continue to talk. " I know you loved her, but it is time to let her go, I don't mean forget her, I mean let her rest in peace, she can't rest if you keep sulking over her." This time I hear movement coming from the inside of Kristian 's room. At first I thought he was coming to open the door, but all my hope drained once I heard the sound of loud music turn on. He is trying to drown me out. With depressing music, One of them surprisingly came to mind as soon as it began. I started humming to the intro and once the lyrics came in I began.

" Nobody ever knows, nobody ever sees, I left my soul , back there now I'm too weak, most nights I pray for you to come home, pray to the lord, pray for my soul," I paused as the music, knowing that the chorus was just about to kick in. I slid down onto the ground and lean back on Kristian s door, singing with my eyes closed as I put my heart and soul into it. "...now please don't go, most nights I hardly sleep when I am alone, now please don't go, I think of you whenever I am alone, so please don't go..." The male in the song began humming again and I took the time to catch my breath before continuing on again. "Cuz I don't ever wanna know, don't ever wanna see things change, cuz when I am living on my own, I wanna take it back and start again, most nights I pray for you to come home, pray to the lord, pray for my soul..." I hung onto the ending of each letter and I could tell the Kristian was actually listening this time. He turned the music a little but it was still loud enough for me to hear and he didn't yell at me to stop or open his door so I continued. "... I send so many messages, you don't reply... gotta figure out what I'm missing babe... I need your love, I need you now, oh, oh." The beat dropped for a second but then rose again for the chorus. "So please don't go... please don't go, please don't go, please don't go, I think of you whenever I am alone, so please don't go." And the song finished with the soothing hums of the male artist. The door was still not open and I recognized the next song so I am going to continue singing.

"I'll take a chainsaw to the sofa where I held your body close for so long. So long. Walk in the house, lights are off, in the car back there here she go. I wasn't thinking of you before. Too many rooms in the house, so I keep going out, what the hell is that about, so I got to find a way to be okay, so maybe I'll just take a chainsaw to the sofa where I held your body close for so long, so long, I am going to break the fucking china cuz it's just one more reminder your gone, your gone..." Kristian opened the door finally, and I nearly fell in. I turn around and stand up but continue singing, this felt like one of those musical movies where the main character would step in and sing as the approached the love of their life. I stepped into Kristian 's room and he continued stepping back till his back was against a wall and I was right in front of him. "We will build it brick by brick, now it's just a quick sand home... I could put a sign in the lawn but it would mean that I would wanna let you go...I don't wanna let you go." I shook my head and shoved my hands forward as I said that line and Kristian just store at me with pain and sadness in his eyes. As the bass dropped for this song I lowered my head with the rhythm and stepped back away from, pulling my side bangs over my head and holding them there with my one hand as I sung that las few lines. "... I will take a chainsaw to the sofa where I held your body close for so long...so long." I panted loud due to all that singing and Kristian pressed a button on his radio without releasing the intent eye contact he had with me. We were silent, not knowing what to say or how to react. So we just stood there starring into each other's eyes. All I could think about was his lips, I tried to shake that image of his lips upon mine out of my head and the questions of how It would be like or how they would taste but there was no use, I really did wonder. Though instead of finding out, I throw out my arms to pull him in and at last, he accepts them. Hugging me back.

"I'm sorry." I eventually say.

"Me too." He finally says back.

5�Y~���