The Diary Of A Broken Heart

The Past.

Tonight, let's go over the past. I know it leaves the broken pieces a bit more shattered, but the fact that these memories ever existed out of my imagination makes me rejoice them. I know there's some moments in my life which I have truly lived and have not failed to make me feel so very blessed and grateful to have you. Some nights, of course, were full of quarrels and complains, while some were full of love and lust.

I remember that night when you texted me asking to upload the picture I took before just because you wanted to see me. That was when we talked again, after nearly a month, and within the next two days, we had sunk back into each other's life, not becoming each other's sun. Rather we became each other's sky, because its perhaps the only thing that stays. After all, the sun also sets, the birds departing with it & the moon also shows up completely only three days in a month. Rest of the days, it's just temporary, all that's permanent is it's soothing light that shines from behind the clouds that lace the sky and sail to and fro like a boat amongst the waves. The only thing that stays 24/7 is the sky, carrying sun rays, crescents and clouds floating like locks of wool.

I remember how I used to run to the corner of the gallery or hide in my bedroom or stroll down the street whenever I got a text from you, just so that I could give you all my attention. You used to laugh over how much I wanted to talk to you and apologised after I faked being angry. You used to copy my puppy face and looked like the most adorable person ever. And that's why I can't say that I fell in love for nothing, because that cuteness is just to die for, you see.
Maybe that's why when I'm strolling down the streets these days, I don't have my phone in hand and it hurts a bit more to realise that you've left.

I remember how I soon began blowing up your phone with texts complaining about how I had to do the dishes or why did I have to help dad with his work. You listened to all my stuff and you'd tell me to calm down because sometimes bullshit becomes a part of life and you have to deal with it as smoothly as possible. You also complained about how your mum and dad always quarrelled over little stuff. And this list of complaints went on and on till we were forced to depart by someone calling us or either of us falling into a "danger" zone.

I remember when you told me to listen to "This One's For You" at 3 AM in the morning and I had to sneak out of the room, because I knew my sister woke up on the slightest of sounds. That was the first English song I ever heard, and soon these songs became a part of my life, just like you. You would dedicate me lyrics & I knew you meant every word you said. It felt special, you know. Really, very special. Maybe that's why it hurts a bit more to listen to these songs now and having no one dedicate you anything.

I remember those 2 AM conversations which began with the EURO'16 scores and fixtures. You were obsessed with France, weren't you? And even though I hated sports, I secretly started watching it, all because of you. I'd stay by your side praying with every free kick that France won, and when it lost, I had to make you realise that winning and losing was a part of life. I'd give you high hopes of France winning the next matches, just like you gave me hopes of you staying forever.