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苔の薔薇 autumn
Jungkook sat in the cafe, his hands wrapped around a coffee mug. He was sitting outside, enjoying the cool breeze, while he waited for Jimin to arrive. The older male had called him up last night, asking if he was able to meet up today. He'd never said why, but it sounded urgent. Maybe it wasn't, Jungkook thought as he sat there, given his friend was already ten minutes late. But then Jimin arrived, cheeks flushed as he rushed up to the table.
"Sorry I'm late. Class went longer than I'd expected." He explained as he sat across from the other. Jungkook immediately noticed something was up - the older male was avoiding his gaze and his fingers were drumming against the table. This only happened when he was nervous or hiding something.
"Do you want to get something to drink?" Jimin just shook his head, his gaze taking in his entire surroundings - looking at everything but Jungkook. His knee was bouncing now. "So why did you want to-"
"Just give me a second." The older male cut in, finally looking at the younger. "I just- I just need a few seconds."
"Alright, take your time."
It turned out Jimin needed more than a few seconds. He sat there, staring down at the sugars in the centre of the table, for a lot longer than that. Jungkook just waited, watching. Eventually the older male exhaled slowly, raising his gaze. It was immediately dropped back down and he began chewing on his bottom lip.
"Jungkook, you remember when you used to tell me all about how great Mijung was and I'd act like I cared?" The younger nodded. "I didn't. I just pretended to."
"Is this what you're so nervous about? You know, I don't really care if you-"
"There's more." He exhaled slowly again. "I didn't care because I wasn't interested. Not just in Mijung but... but in girls in general. Jungkook, I'm gay." There was barely enough time for Jungkook to properly comprehend what he was being told. "And I'm sorry for not telling you for so long, for keeping it from you when we're practically brothers, but I honestly didn't even know myself. Not fully - or at least I suppressed it. I don't know; it just took Hoseok for me to realise that I have absolutely no sexual attraction to girls."
"You're... Hoseok... Gay?"
"Yes... I think. Hoseok and I are dating - I'm sorry for keeping that from you too." The florist stayed silent, a small frown on his brow. This just made Jimin more nervous. "Do you, do you hate me? Am I disgusting- I don't know. I'm sorry, if I am, I just hope it doesn't do anything to our friendship."
An awkward chuckle escaped Jungkook's throat. He forced himself to smile, "You think something like your sexuality could ruin our friendship? I'm almost hurt you doubt me that much."
Jungkook knew he had every reason to doubt.
"I know, I'm sorry. I was just, paranoid, I guess. Thank you." Jimin got up and walked to the other side of the table, hugging his friend tightly. "I love you, Jungkook... in a completely platonic, brotherly way."
"I know." Jungkook chuckled, his arms lightly squeezing the older male back. Jimin then sat back down in his seat, feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Or, at least, one part of the entire weight - there were still other people he had to come out to. Like his parents, as much as he didn't like to think about it, he was going to have to tell them. He just hoped they took it well; he didn't particularly fancy the idea of having to choose between his love and his family.
Jungkook, on the other hand, felt like there was more weight added to his own back. But this was due to his conscience, his guilt, and not because of any confessions he needed to do. There was nothing he needed to confess, so why would weight be added because of it?
No, this was because of guilt - because for a brief moment, as the words left Jimin's mouth, the younger male felt a wave of disgust rush through him. Like a reflex, as though he was programmed to feel it. Even though the feeling passed and he fully accepted his best friend, he knew he'd felt it.
And a small voice in the back of his head reminded him that people only hate in others what they hate in themselves.
