5 Seconds Of The Pierced Sleeping Directions

⚠Phan: No, They're Not⚠

A/N: Okay, idk. Writing this while watching Pete's Dragon and wearing a wrist brace woo! Idek what this is but let's do this XD a funny little fic <3 enjoy!

PS, let's just say all the named are currently living in like, London. Yeah. I don't know where any of these people live except Dan and Phil so... Everyone is from London! Yeah! XD

PPS, this will be dorky, funny, hella smutty, hella kinky, and hella cute. I hope lol. Enjoy! XD

~Banana

Phil

Dan was at Conner's, while I was at home trying to make some dinner. He was due home in about 30 minutes, and I was just waiting for his text.

I slipped the noodles into the pan, since Dan had mentioned wanting spaghetti a few days ago. I had decided I wanted to surprise him with it, something nice.

My phone chimed but I dismissed it, more focused on the noodles. It chimed again and I glanced at it, but was quickly distracted as the water started bubbling over. "Shoot," I said quickly, messing with the flame under the burner to lower it.

Twice more it chimed and I finally was able to check it. I read what Dan had sent me and I raised an eyebrow confused.

From: Danny
Dude
Buttholes are like pockets
Like you can store stuff up there
And keep it safe

I let out a laugh of incredeousness and shook my head. What even was my best friend?

To: Danny
No they are not
Don't do that

I shook my head and went back to cooking, quickly finishing up and setting it aside. My phone chimed and I glanced at it, realising it was Conner.

From: Franta-tastic
Dude, I didn't mean for this to happen but Dan is a little tipsy
You might need to.come get him now

I rolled my eyes again and covered the food. Dan wasn't really a lightweight, so if he was tipsy someone must have purposely given him alcohol. I knew he was with Conner, the Dolan Twins, Joey and Shane, but I didn't really know which of them could have brought the alcohol.

I grabbed my keys and jacket, walking out to the car. I started it and headed off down the road, turning on the radio and smiling. I had a bit of a different taste of music than Dan, and while I enjoyed what he played, he didn't exactly enjoy what I played. Sleeping With Sirens The Strays was playing, and I couldn't really listen to this with him around. It 'scared' him.

Three songs later and I was pulling up to Conner's house, seeing more cars than I expected. I got out and went inside, seeing a small party going on. Dan was being forced to sit on the couch and I saw Conner holding his phone away from him, saying, "Dan, please. Phil will be here soon, he can take you home. I'm not letting you have your phone until he gets here."

"Right here Conner," I called, walking over. The relief on his face was rather comedic and he turned to me, saying, "Thank fucking God, I don't know who gave him the alcohol, I didn't even know we had any! Here, take his phone, and take him home, I don't want him to hurt himself accidentally."

I chuckled lightly and pocketed his phone, turning to my best friend. He had finally caught sight of me and his eyes lit up. "Philly! You're here!" he cheered, staggering to his feet and latching onto my neck as he almost fell.

"How much do you think he had? He's not a lightweight," I asked and Conner shook his head. "I think one of the twins gave him a couple shots of 70 proof vodka with a couple moonshine cherries, which I barely caught after his third one. He isn't completely wasted I think, but I'm not so sure," he said, trailing off as Dan started mouthing at my neck.