21 Questions {Awsten Knight}

S I X

Three days. I had been hiding in my room for three days. And I had been off work until today too, so I only left in the middle of the night to obtain food for the whole day. I had to go back to work for the first time since Awsten stabbed me in the back and Hope let it happen.

I glanced at my phone, seeing the unread messages from Awsten on the lock screen.

I was probably being a bit too dramatic, but that's just the way I was. Whether or not Awsten realized what he did and how it made me feel, I was still pissed and upset. And don't even get me started on Hope.

I got out of bed for the first time in a while and dressed in gray jeans, black converse, and a black knit sweater that was a bit baggy on me. I decided it was a good idea to wear a sweater because they always turned up the air conditioning at my work way too high and then it was absolutely freezing.

I brushed my teeth quickly and avoided my reflection in the mirror. One thing about people hurting me was that it caused me to spiral into a frenzy of self-loathing and it was very hard to get out of the rhythm. I would refuse to look at myself, always think bad things about myself...it was exhausting. And throughout my teenage years, I had never learned how to deal with it.

Because of this, I refused to do my makeup and instead decided to look like a corpse come back to life for the rest of the day.

I opened my door slowly and checked the hallway, making sure Hope was still asleep in her room. It sucked because I wondered if it would be like this forever. I couldn't live my whole life avoiding her when we literally lived in the same home.

I wondered if she would apologize and realize what she did. Or maybe she meant to hurt me and was having fun with it. I mean it kind of seemed like that was what she was doing when she appeared at the grocery store. That look she gave me, the way she laughed and talked around Awsten...

I skipped breakfast and walked out of the front door, heading down the main hallway and into the lobby, then to my car. I listened mindlessly to the radio as I drove to the mall, the late morning sun already hanging high in the cloudless sky.

I wasn't even at work yet and I already wanted to go home. More than usual, I had no desire to interact with customers or assholes that didn't understand that I am nothing but a human being and I can't do eight fucking things at once.

ANYWAYS...

I made my way into the mall, strolling into Hot Topic as I listened to some music to help me get through my shit morning. I hoped Lucy would let me pick the music for my shift to cheer me up a bit. That would have definitely made things a bit brighter.

She was already behind the counter, getting all the receipt paper ready, unlocking the doors from the inside and opening them.

"Hey," I sighed, dropping my bag behind the register. "Good morning! How's it going?" Lucy asked, her black hair covering her tiny arms and bony shoulders. I just groaned, leaning against the counter, letting out a loud sigh as I did so.

"So not the best. What happened?"

"Hope. And that blue haired guy that came in last week. Just hurt me. I don't know. Anyways...mind if I pick the music today?" I wondered, standing up straight. She shrugged. "Go for it."

I pulled out my phone and glanced at the file that Awsten sent me after the first time I met their band, their demo for Territory. I sighed, wanting to play it but knowing that it would cause me more pain than it was worth. I decided to put on PVRIS, starting with Fire.

Once the store opened up completely, I got the usual stream of emo teens, along with emo wanna-be teens and the wannabe emo teens. Then the parents that didn't know what was going on. Once the store started to clear up around lunch time, when most people were busy at the food court or somewhere else to consume things, I was able to get a little bit of time to myself when I wasn't helping a bunch of annoying customers. I leaned against the counter and started up a conversation.

"Hey so did you hear that PVRIS is coming to town?" I questioned Lucy, slightly too loud because Smoke was blasting.

"I did hear that, you gonna go?" She asked me.

"Maybe, I'm not-" I began, but I was cut off by a crash behind me. I turned around and I was face to face with the one person I didn't want to see, surrounded by pins. He obviously knocked them over. Like fucking usual.

"What are you doing here? You don't even shop here." I said in a rude tone.
"I was looking for you, I haven't seen you in a while. What's up? You haven't returned my calls or texts?" He questioned me and I thought of the stupid texts that didn't mean anything, the few calls and only one voice message, with Hope's laughter in the background that was cut short in the middle of his sentence by something unidentifiable. I sighed.

"Maybe I just didn't want to. I left HEB for a reason, you know," I almost shouted, trying not to let any tears slip from my eyes.

"What did I do..?" he questioned, looking hurt.

His look almost broke me.

"You should know, Awsten." I said sadly, kneeling down to clean up his mess. "Can you tell me?" he begged, handing me a couple of pins he had picked up. "You're so insensitive, Awsten! You can't even realize what you did wrong? I shouldn't have to tell you!" I exclaimed. But I wasn't angry. I was just...sad. Sad that someone I really enjoyed being around couldn't realize how they hurt me.

"Please can you give me like a clue?" he pressed on, following me over to the register. I put all the pins back in their bucket and turned around to face him again. "This isn't a game. There's no clues, there's no turns. I think you should just leave," I sighed, ignoring Lucy's outrageous looks she had been giving me. I guess I was a bit angry at him.

Awsten looked disappointed and I had to fight the urge to take it all back. "Okay."

I kept my eyes off of him as he left, biting the inside of my cheek. I let out a deep breath and pulled out my phone.

Send Text to: Maxx

hey, it's Charlotte. Want to hang out and recommend me some new books?

Text From: Maxx

I'd love to. Friday at the book store?

Send Text to: Maxx

Sure. Be there at 5

I put my phone away and turned back to Lucy, gathering myself. "What the hell was that all about?"

"Nothing. It's all nothing."