Those Pretty Green Eyes

You guys are going to kill me....

Okaii... so I realize that its been 7 months since I said I was going to update, and a WHILE since I actually posted a part of the story, but this past year has honestly been an entire wreck.... I had to get my life together, My grades dropped drastically, I went through a very rough time, I had major family problems, and I just wasn't in a good state of mind.... I'm truly sorry, I will try to update this ASAP and this time I mean it.... I'm all better now, so I should be able to continue this story. Hopefully not too many of you have lost interest in this story by now, although that would be understandable.... but thanks for 32k, I love you all very much. In the mean time, enjoy this free write I did a while back....

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"Do you believe in love?

It's funny how now-a-days, we have to believe in love, as if it were a religion.....

But do you?

Cause I didn't. My belief died 8 years ago.

And life without love is miserable.

You have to get used to faking a smile, forcing a laugh, and saying "I'm fine, I'm good, Everything's Ok" at all times, even if it wasn't true.

You begin to forget what happiness feels like...

Your life is full of sorrow, to the point where you begin to mix up your feelings and you can't distinguish joy from sadness...

And then.... You lose them. Your feelings? Gone.

Before you even realize it, you've become a robot, a machine.... You're lifeless.

You try to distract yourself with everything.

You lie to yourself so much, you actually begin to believe everything.

Your flaws? You pick on them. EVERY one of them.

There comes a time where you fall into complete darkness.

Your sanity becomes questionable.

You begin to question whether you're really living, or if you're just in a f***** up nightmare.

Dolls, TV, games.... They don't bring you delight.

But you know what started this chain of changes?

A heartbreak.

By an elementary school boy?

No.

A father.

But they say, "Everything is ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." But what if you just say it's ok? You say it so much, you begin to believe it.

Does it still count?

What if I make it the end? Would it become a lie, Like every other thing I was told?

Is it open to interpretation, or do we have to follow a guideline, like the one we're given to live?

Do this, Do that.

BE YOURSELF. DON'T LET ANYONE LABEL YOU.

But, don't do that, or that....

No, neither that.

You can't possibly like that color, That's for boys.

Don't wear your hair like that.

Smile.

Throw on a dress.

Don't draw on yourself.

But be who you are.

Your smile is easily wiped away, like dry erase.

Your confidence is demolished.

You're done.

You lose faith.

Not just in love, Or in humanity.

You lose faith in yourself.

But... salvation comes at the most unexpected times, and in the most unexpected ways.

And my salvation came in the simplest form.....

A smile.

Your smile....."

I Realize some of you like to quote things I say, So if you do, I don't mind, but If you could please just give credit to "Jailene Yanisel" please, all of this is original.

Thank you, and much love.