The Long Way Home

Chapter Seven: Talk

She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah
Yeah

Augusta - Boston

It was the knocking on her door the next morning that awoke Cass from her deep, wholesome sleep. It was the first time in the past few weeks she had actually been able to sleep through the night and she relished that. Her mind was far from the torrid mess she had been sporting over the past few days, her thoughts felt ordered and precise once more. There was confidence flushing through her system, a sense of self worth that put a smile on her face and she couldn't help but think John was responsible for that.

Safe, Cass thought as she rose from her bed, rubbing at her exhausted features with both hands. Stability and refuge were important in her world and she needed them to help maintain her precarious balance.

"I'm up." she snapped at the persistent knocking at her door, swiping her hand over the locking motion in a bid to open it.

Cass found herself greeted by the scent of instant coffee as she laid her sapphire eyes on Lieutenant Aiden Ford standing before her in the doorway. He was clad in his grey military combats and a black T-shirt.

"Uh hi." Cass said, running a hand through her ruffled dark hair.

"Coffee." Ford told her, forcing the mug into her hand. "Doctor Beckett said you like it sweet."

"I do." Cass said apprehensively as Ford shifted from foot to foot.

It was a sign of anxiety and agitation. It took a second for the memories of last night to filter through to Cass's sleep fogged brain as she stared at the young Lieutenant perplexed. He wanted to talk, that much was clear and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable with the situation that had presented itself last night. The fact that Ford was here so early in the morning was a concession that he was making to both her and John.

"Do you want to come in?" she ventured.

"Yea." Ford said rubbing his hands together with nervous energy.

Cass moved out of the way of the door to allow him entry to her quarters hearing the door hiss shut behind her as she turned to face him. Ford leaned against the wall, his arms folded over his chest as his foot came to rest on her wall. Cass wrapped her hands around her mug before sitting on the edge of her bed drawing her feet up underneath her.

"I want you to know that your secrets safe with me." Ford started, his gaze fixing firmly on hers. "I won't be telling Weir or anyone else about you and the Major."

"I appreciate that." Cass said quietly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she remembered her actions from the previous evening. "I'm sorry you had to see the two of us like that."

"So long as the two of you keep it to your quarters nobody else has to know." Ford replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

It was that word 'secret' again echoing through her head. She didn't want it to be so sordid but that's what it was becoming. Nobody believed that a relationship could flourish or function in this environment, certainly not between people like them. They were honour bound, their lives and loyalties sworn to their country and to their jobs. Commitment was something they only had for their work and for the sturdy oaths they stood by.

Cass did not want their relationship to become a 'secret', she wanted to lay claim to John as her own. Possessiveness was never in her nature but the urge was resolute and pressing. She wanted him to depend on her if he had to instead of being so painstakingly self reliant. It was eating him up from the inside shouldering all the burdens that were set upon his shoulders, not once did he complain but she saw the strain bearing down on him.

"Well it's not like they can send one of us back home." Cass pointed out dryly in response to Ford's words.

"But they can make your life a hell if they want to." Ford commented as he caught a glimpse at Cass's thoughtful features. "Your wondering why I'm not reporting you to Weir?"

"It's a difficult position to be in." Cass responded wearily. "John's your commanding officer."

"Major Sheppard would never order me to keep quiet about the two of you and the fact that he respects me like that makes me respect him even more." Ford explained simply.

"He's not the kind of person to abuse his power like that." Cass agreed, clasping the coffee to her Wonderwoman T-shirt allowing it to heat her chest.

"No he's not." Ford said into the air between them before he looked pointedly at Cass. "Which makes me question the type of person you are Doc?"

"Are you asking about my intentions?" Cass asked him out loud with the glimmer of a smile.

Ford's eyebrows furrowed into a defined crease as his jaw jutted out and his dark eyes narrowed. It took Cass a second to realize that he took his responsibility to John very seriously and this was for all intents and purposes 'The Conversation'. She had never been privy to it before now and it startled her to find herself in this position. She had never been questioned about her romantic entanglements before and she wasn't sure of the adequate responses.

"Do you care about him?" Ford asked out right, his analytical gaze intent on her features studying her face for tell tale signs of lies.

"Yes." she answered with an honesty that resounded through her heart and soul.

"The Major has a devout sense of duty to this city and it's people, do you think your the kind of person who can take a back seat to that?" Ford requested as Cass took a deep breath to fortify herself.

Lieutenant Ford was pulling out all the stops, he wasn't afraid to jump to the hard questions. He was investigating her long term capability, trying to gauge what her stake was in all of this. If this had been a bit of fun between her and John the two of them wouldn't even be having this conversation but Ford had seen something different last night, something that had made his hackles rise at the possibilities.

Ford viewed Doctor Cass Pierce as a distraction for the most part and he knew that now was a crucial turning point for the Major. He had been deemed the Security Officer of Atlantis and Ford wanted to make sure that there was nothing in the way to jeopardise the future of this city. Job aside, Ford liked John Sheppard, he was funny, smart and loyal, all qualities that he himself revered. Alike many of his friends in and out of the military he simply wanted the other man to be happy.

He had heard the tenderness the Major's voice as he spoke to this woman and it had surprised him greatly. Of all the words he would have used to describe the Major 'loving' was not one of them. It had been a stark contrast to the skilled militarist that Ford was used to seeing and it made him question the doctor's motives. He had no doubt that there was a base attraction between the two of them, he had seen it the minute the two of them had bumped into each other briefly at the research facility in Antarctica before they began this expedition. It was like a current charging in the air when the Major had reached out to steady the doctor. Their initial joy as they greeted each other had come off them both in waves before they recovered their composure.

"I know a thing or two about duty Lieutenant." Cass told him evenly keeping the sting of irritation to a bare minimum. "I won't stand in the way of what needs to be done if that's what your asking."

He took her words with a pinch of salt as he studied her words from every angle before he issued her a warning .

"There's no room to be selfish here." he told her flatly, making the implications clear.

Cass looked Lieutenant Ford dead in the eyes before she spoke, her brain flicking back to that moment over two years ago when she finally understood what the word sacrifice truly meant.

"I know."