The Long Way Home

Chapter Seventy Five: Home Sweet Home

Father, I'm going through some heavy things
It seems like this world ain't getting any better
The more we try to get closer to You
The farther we run from Your throne

Group1 Crew – Please Forgive Me

They were starring at each other and John did not like it one bit. He'd been watching the wordless exchange between Cass and his father for over two minutes and admittedly their silence was beginning to agitate him. He recognized his father's stance from one he had seen in the board room and from behind the desk in the study whenever John was being scolded for one of his youthful, misadventures. It was a stern unforgiving expression, one that John disliked the fact Cass was being subjected to.

It was a test of wills and the first to break away was always the loser. Despite Cass's demure, naïve appearance, she was anything but weak. She took on his father like a furious lioness. They're expressions were both blank but their eyes told a different story. In Cass's sapphire eyes he could see the feral defensive primal side of her at the forefront. In his father's there an abyss, it was vast and empty, stealing souls and words from men much more powerful.

"You can both stop now." John said into the eerie quiet between them. "Dad, Cassie your freaking me out."

Cass broke away first, her attention diverting instantly to John and the unrest within his voice. Her fingers sought out John's, clasping his hand in reassurance. Patrick's gaze lowered to their unionised hands.

Cassandra Pierce wasn't the same breed or calibre that Nancy had been. Nancy had barely been able to look him directly in the face the first time they met. She had been fully aware of the power he harnessed and her ambitious nature had made her agreeable. This one was different, Cass wasn't intimidated by him, she had withdrawn from his stare not as a matter of weakness but out of concern for his son.

When he'd first received a call from John he had suspected his son had got himself into trouble again. During his teenage years the boy was a hell-raiser warranting calls at three am from the police station over speeding or drinking violations. Things between them had gotten worse when he had joined the military and their relationship had deteriorated after John's divorce to Nancy. The two of them had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the years but their most explosive argument had been about his son's priorities in regards to his marriage. They hadn't spoken since then until two days ago.

Cass was like a puzzle for him to suss out, over the years he had been protective over his sons especially after their mother had died. He knew the weight of responsibility his business empire put upon their shoulders. The women that flocked towards them were trying to trade up for their money.

Dave had experienced the full weight of that over the years, his older son had thrown his heart into each relationship and gotten burned more. John was different, he was savvy, he took what he wanted and at the first sniff of an ulterior motive he was out of there. At one point that had worried Patrick, he thought it showed his son's inability to settle down and it made Patrick concerned for his future.

When John had brought Nancy home Patrick had thought that his son had changed, that he'd accepted love into his heart and that his priorities had shifted. Nancy was the ideal daughter in law, she was charming, intelligent and powerful in her own right. The kind of wife a Sheppard should have or at least that was what he had told John. He had never meant those words. His own wife Sharon, had been serene and compassionate, money and power hadn't meant a damn thing to Sharon. He was her soulmate, her person and she had been the most wonderful mother that he could ever have imagined. The adoration she had for those two boys was immense, she had given them so much time, love and understanding and when she had died it was like someone had hollowed out his insides and left him with nothing.

Devastation didn't cover what he had been going through or what if he was honest he was still going through. There would never be another woman after Sharon and her death had left him barren and cold with no capacity for love. He was ashamed to say he pushed his sons away, the reminders of his late wife were etched in their features and mannerisms. He couldn't stand to look at them so he had ignored those two young boys, left their care in the hands of someone else.

It had taken years to come to terms with Sharon's death and when he had woken up from the hovel of misery and grief he had fractured relationships with the two people they had both held dear. Dave had come running back with his arms wide open but John didn't forgive so freely. They hadn't spoken to each other in four years and Patrick hadn't foreseen that ever changing. John was cursed by his own stubbornness and the two of them were at a stalemate.

Patrick's gaze flickered to John as his fingers laced with his new wife's. The smile on his son's handsome features was tender and sweet. It was Sharon's smile, the one she had held for him all those years ago. There was something to be said for the woman that had led his son to contact him again.

John had mentioned he was on medical leave, Patrick wondered if that had anything to do with the change in heart. His son was paler than he remembered, he appeared to have lost weight. If he looked close enough he thought he could see a tiny fleck of grey in his son's mahogany coloured hair. It made sense, the way Cass was constantly touching him to reassure herself he was still there and still breathing. He had found himself doing something similar when Sharon had received her diagnosis. He would spend hours lying beside his wife, his fingers entwined with hers as he cradled her to his chest.

"I know you can't tell me what happened to you." Patrick said into the quiet, his own hazel eyes firmly holding his son's gaze. "But I'm glad your ok John."

There was resolution in his words and John believed his father when he spoke. He could feel the world shifting around him once more because things were changing. His father was no longer the arrogant, cold business man he was used to and John was no longer the stubborn unforgiving youth he had been. He had grown up in his time away, he had seen so much over the past year, too much to let it all just go to waste. The retrovirus had almost killed him and it had put a lot of things in perspective. His war with his father was something else that needed to be laid to rest.

"Dad..." John began leaning forward as he released Cass's fingers and rubbed his hands together. "I want to apologise for everything..."

Patrick rose his hand to cut off his son's apology.

"We both said cruel things to each other, let's just leave it at that. It's all water under the bridge now son." Patrick informed the other man.

John bowed his head as he pursed his lips together. His father was right, the two of them had said such hateful things, in the face of trauma they had divided and now it was time to honour his mother's memory and end it. She wouldn't want them at each other's throats like they had been over the past few years.

"Dad, there's something I want to ask you." John said with a tinge of anxiousness in his voice as he cast a glance at Cass. "We are having a ceremony next week..."

"I'll be there." Patrick told his son. "You just tell me when and I'll be there."