The Long Way Home

Chapter Seventy Nine: Contagion

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But It's home to me and I walk alone

Greenday – Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Cass wasn't talking. She was simply sitting there on her wheelie chair staring at Carson Beckett as he cleared his throat anxiously awaiting some form of response to the news he had just given her. Her sapphire blue eyes were wide and apprehensive, her thin eyebrows curved into frown as she took in the information trying to slot the pieces together. Her pink lips were set in a grim line as she laid her palms flat upon her desk, a sign that she was attempting to gather her thoughts. Her expression was unreadable. Carson couldn't tell what she was thinking and he had no idea of what the right words were to say to his colleague.

"Your sure?" Cass asked him in a voice completely devoid of emotion.

Carson crossed his arms over his stocky chest as he regarded her sympathetically. He despised being the bearer of bad news, especially when it came to Cass. Her and the Colonel had been through enough as it was without the retrovirus coming back to haunt the two of them.

That familiar surge of guilt was wrestling inside him, it scared him how normal it was becoming to bear this burden of responsibility. The retrovirus was the bane of his life, the same way the Hoffian drug had come to be. He had come to live with horrors that had occurred because of his work but this was cutting far too close to home.

"I did the blood work myself." Carson confirmed in a stoic voice.

Cass's hands raked through her loose dark hair, gripping it to ease the trembling that was jutting through her nerve endings. She slammed her mental walls down on her connection to John shielding herself away from his inquiring mind. She couldn't deal with him right now, she couldn't feel, couldn't think.

"What's going to happen to me?" Cass asked Carson as she mimicked his stance by folding her arms over her chest. "Should I be preparing myself for..."

She couldn't bring herself to say the words because the images were rife in her mind already. She remembered what John was like during his time where the retrovirus was wrecking havoc on his system, she had a lesser strain but there was bound to be some residual effect from that. She had so many questions but her mind was racing, she couldn't pick just one out of the air the way she wanted to.

Carson sank down into his own roller chair before scooting over towards his friend as she put her head in her hands. It was like a hole was opening up in the ground below her and she was falling so fast and hard she had no idea which way was up.

This was not happening, Cass told herself. This can not be happening.

"I have no idea." Carson said gently as he carefully praised her fingers away from her face. "It's a different strain to what we saw in the Colonel. It tricked it's way through your immune system pretending to be one of your cells which is why we hadn't detected it sooner. Over the past months it's become part of your cellular structure."

Carson held her delicate hands in his own as he met her harrowing gaze. There was so much despair in her features, her future was up in the air once more and he was determined to do everything he could to take care of Cass. The retrovirus had had three months to incubate with in her body and he had no idea of the damage it could have done to her.

In the Colonel's circumstance it had invaded every single part of his body causing him to devolve into some sort of basic creature that they suspected had existed before the Wraith. From what he could see of Cass it appeared to be doing nothing but he wouldn't be able to tell until he got her under one of the diagnostic scanners.

"We can't tell John about this." Cass murmured, shaking her head sullenly. "Not until we know for sure what's going on. He doesn't need anything else to feel guilty about at the minute."

"Aye lass." Carson agreed as Cass exhaled deeply.

She was scared, he could see it in her eyes as she withdrew from him and wrapped her arms around her torso. Carson had never seen her look like this before, every ounce of colour had drained from her pale features and she looked positively terrified.

If Carson was honest he thought he would be a basket case in her situation. They were doctors, fear of the unknown wasn't something they usually dealt with and Cass was one of those people who needed to know what they were fighting in order to utilise her tools in preparation. Carson clasped Cass's hand kindly, squeezing it once before guiding his friend to her feet.

"I won't let you go through this alone." Carson promised her. "We'll just take a quick look, see what's going on in there and discuss a treatment plan."

That was hopeful at best. Cass could see that Carson was trying his best to be positive but no matter what he said she knew the outlook was far from good. John's DNA was pockmarked with the remains of his own encounter with the retrovirus, she may have gotten a smaller dose because it was depleted by his human aspects and she supposed that was a good thing when she thought about it. Carson had said it had manifested in a different way compared to John's. He'd had direct contact with the source, a larger surface area had been contaminated.

Cass had gotten hers through something stupid like a scratch. Maybe there was some hope after all. She pulled herself together as she rose to her feet feeling heavy and dull. She was searching through her mind through the past few months wondering if there was a possibility she could have contaminated anybody else . If she had given this to someone else it would have huge consequences for the SGC. She hadn't made love with anyone but John, she always double gloved in the E.R she had been working in...

She thought about the kisses she had given her niece and nephew as they had left and pushed the thought away almost violently. The retrovirus wasn't spread through skin to skin contact so they were safe at least.

"I guess we should get this over and done with." Cass said with resolution before she climbed up onto the scanner table and lay down flat upon it.

Silently she prayed that Carson had made some terrible mistake.