The Long Way Home

Chapter Forty Four: Distraction

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time

Lady Antebellum – Need You Now

The Mess Hall was busy today and Cass thought it had something to do with the last of the fruit cups being served which was damned disappointing since fruit cups were the best part of their meal. Unfortunately that made her mood a little more sour than usual. Cass used her fork to stab at the pasta on her plastic tray, her motion was almost violent and Cass found herself sighing as she set down her eating implements and selected her fruit cup.

"That does not look like a happy face." Zelinka said as he gestured towards the chair across from her. "May I?"

"Of course Radek." Cass gave him a brisk smile before pushing the chair out with her foot.

"I take it your missing the Major?" the scientist prompted as he sat down across from Cass, unwrapping his eating utensils.

Cass pushed her tray away from her before crossing her arms over her chest and shifting in her seat. She wasn't used to feeling like a love sick school girl. In her previous relationship when she had gone away, the home sickness had been brief and fleeting. It was an emotion that had evaporated after a few days. Now it was so viciously potent, she didn't want to go to their quarters because she didn't want to go to bed alone knowing that she would wake up without John's comforting presence by her side.

She was tired and had been cranky over the past few days, it had taken great power of will to rein in her temper at some points. To make things worse because she was Acting Chief of Surgery there was barely any time for her to go off world or out and around the city with any of the military teams so she was starting to feel like she was cooped up in a birdcage because she couldn't go two steps out of the Infirmary without someone requesting something of her.

All of this gave Cass a new found respect for Carson. The Scottish doctor must have the patience of a saint, she had deduced. Between the paper work and the cataloguing of their medical supplies in order to restock in time to send a list to Earth before the Daedalus took off she swore she was going to start sneaking off world to alleviate some of the agitation she was feeling.

"I know it seems stupid doesn't it?" Cass said, shaking her head as a flush crept over her pale cheeks. "We've spent nine months away from our families and I haven't blinked an eye but as soon as he goes away fro more than a few days..."

"It's not stupid." Zelinka told her, as he focused on using his fork to skewer the pasta. "He's been a constant fixture in your life over the past nine months of course your going to be at odds, I don't think your new role in the Infirmary seems to be helping very much either."

Cass rubbed her hands over her exhausted features, it appeared she was showing a lot more than she intended and she thought that was probably something to do with the weariness too. In one respect she was unnerved that she seemed to be an open book but in another she was glad because it gave her someone to talk to about the pressure she was feeling.

"I hate it." she admitted, looking at Zelinka through her spread fingers. "I like being out in the field meeting people and being active, all I am doing now is shuffling papers and counting medicines."

"May I be frank?" Zelinka requested as he picked up a napkin and used it to wipe off any residual sauce from around his mouth.

Cass nodded her agreement before she propped her chin on top of her hand, watching as Zelinka screwed up the napkin and tossed it onto his tray.

"It would appear that your working harder to alleviate your feelings regarding the Major is that correct?" the scientist asked her.

"Yes." Cass admitted begrudgingly.

"So your not allowing yourself any recreational time." Zelinka stated as a matter of fact.

"Well..." Cass protested before pursing her lips shut as she thought about the prospect.

She had spent the last three days working flat out and catching a few small naps when she could get them in John's quarters. Sleeping in his room was a lot less lonely than sleeping in her own, just having his things around her gave her a sense of reassurance that she knew could never match having the man himself curled around her. There hadn't been time to sort out married accommodation yet, Cass didn't even think there was a protocol when it came to cohabiting on Atlantis. The two of them had simply been falling into bed in who's ever room was the closest.

"No..." she admitted, pondering on when she'd become so needy and dependant.

It didn't sit right with Cass relying on someone so much and she had no idea how much she needed John in her life until he was gone. He was the stability she had craved her whole entire life and now that she had it, letting it go seemed vulgar and self harming like cutting off your own limb. She had never missed anyone outside of her family so badly, and it took her a second to realize that John had become her own family.

Secretly she had wanted what her sister Jules had had for the longest time. The house, the husband, the kids, her sister was always happy, always smiling and always secure. Cass had always wanted a little something like that for herself but she had never deemed herself as worthy, Jules was the responsible one and Cass was the adventurer. Jules had once said she admired that about Cass but the truth was she was only like this because she was so unsettled. She had felt like she was searching for something while she was travelled, like there was that huge gaping hole inside her that demanded to be filled and Cass could never find anything that would patch the gap inside her.

Then she had met John and everything had changed, he was her missing piece and without him she wasn't even a whole person, she was back to being some damaged unhappy person she had been back then. All of her old insecurities were back up in the air and she found herself worrying about stupid ridiculous things that hadn't concerned her in months. She fretted he wouldn't return and if that happened what would become of her then?

Shake it off, the voice in her head told her, build a future.

"You need a project, something to take your mind off work and something that will benefit you and the Major in the long run." Zelinka told her with that knowing smile curving across his features.

Cass regarded the scientist with suspicion and curiosity. It was clear that the older man had something in mind and she was intrigued by the proposal. Zelinka was a completely different breed of scientist to Rodney McKay, he was polite and friendly, Cass couldn't help but consider that maybe that was due to his humble Czech upbringing. Zelinka was also an avid chess player, his logic was flawless and he was the reigning champion of any match that he played against any one in Atlantis.

Before the Siege he had been teaching her how to play chess, it was a game she had always been interested in but had never gotten around to learning. Yet watching Zelinka play was absolutely fascinating, his opponents would spent the longest time contemplating their moves, fingers brushing over the pieces, back and forth until they finally decided to make shift a piece to another square. Zelinka's own moves were lightning fast and abrupt usually resulting in a quick victory.

Cass thought that had something to do with Zelinka's ability to be able to step back and look at the bigger picture before focusing on the small details. She had heard his own work was as methodical and thoughtful as his chess playing.

"I have a feeling this is a lot bigger than chess lessons." Cass stated, studying Zelinka's coy expression trying to get an inkling of what he was suggesting.

"It is." Zelinka conceded "But you'll have a lot of help."

Cass's eyebrows arched at his words as she stared at the Czech completely confused. She had no clue to what he was talking about but she could feel the excitement growing in her belly at this new venture. Whatever it was sounded interesting and already she was dying to understand what Zelinka was talking about.

The scientist rose to his feet picking up his own plastic tray and signalling for Cass to do the same before he spoke.

"Come with me and I'll show you what I mean."