The Long Way Home

Chapter Thirty: Aftermath

That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter

Rhianna – California King Size Bed

There was darkness, so much darkness that it scared Cass. She couldn't see a damn thing but she could hear a flurry of voices around her. Carson's broad Scottish accent as well as John's husky lilt. Her stomach was in agony, she could feel the searing pain clawing up inside her as she groaned out loud trying to shift her body in order to ease the constant, throbbing ache.

Her eyelids were heavily, fluttering open as the brief spell of nausea writhing in her belly hit her hard. She rolled onto her side and grasped for the kidney tray she knew they stowed away in the regiment night stand. She pulled it onto the bed just in time before she threw up violently into the small dish. Gentle hands were in her hair, drawing it back away from her face as she vomited again.

Her cheeks were flushed with heat. Already she could feel her skin slick with sweat as the bowl was removed from her shaking hands, a plastic tumbler of ice cold water replacing it. Cass took it gratefully, her hair tumbling down upon her shoulders once more as it was released. She sipped from the water, it felt like heaven down her burning, acidic throat.

Already John was propping the pillows up behind her back as Carson handed off the kidney dish to the small trolley beside him before crossing his arms over his chest and reviewing her studiously. Both men waited patiently for Cass to shuffle into a comfortable sitting position. John took the plastic tumbler from her hands and placed it onto the night stand as she settled down once more.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked the two of them, holding out her hand and watching it tremble with absolutely no control.

Carson regarded her with an sympathetic smile before he allowed himself to speak. It alarmed him how close they came to losing her. He had come to view Cass as if she were one of his siblings and seeing her body torn up like that had fractured pieces of his heart as if it were glass. He had conducted the surgery with Teyla, although the Athosian had limited medical expertise she had listened to his instructions when he had asked her to participate without flinching.

"Your wound is infected from the staples we used to close it." Carson informed her gently. "We've had to flush it with antibiotics and pack it with gauze."

Cass raised her eyes skyward as if to pray as her understanding of the situation dawned upon her through her cloudy brain. The staples that had once saved her life were now making her sicker. They had known that infection was probable when they had stowed away the staple gun in the field kits but Cass would rather take a chance like that than watch someone bleed to death. It was a slow and tortuous experience.

"That means your going to have to take it out and start over everyday until it heals." Cass muttered to herself, sagging back in her pillows.

"Aye lass. You'll be staying with us a little longer than we thought." Carson confirmed Cass's thoughts as if she'd spoken them out loud before excusing himself as a call came over his comm.

Cass sighed turning her head away from John's inquisitive hazel eyes. Her gaze came to fall upon spot where her attack had taken place. The blood had been scrubbed clean from the tiles and the body removed from where it had fallen. She wondered how long she had been out for and decided it had to be more than just a couple of hours if they'd had the time to do that.

It was playing back in her head like a series of grotesque video clips, the instant the knife entered her skin slicing through her like butter. His taunting laugh resounding through her ears as he dragged her unwillingly towards his body, the feel of his breath on her throat as his fingers twisted in her hair.

John placed his large, warm hand over Cass's, his thumb caressing the joint of her wrist bringing her back to the present as her head tilted down to watch his actions. There was a tightness in her chest and her throat felt like it was starting to constrict as tears stung and pinpricked at her eyes.

"Cassie..." he drawled her name like it was the most intimate word in the world.

She let out a shaky breath as she fixed him with those glistening sapphire eyes. There were no walls between them and John was seeing every single ounce of the hurt and fear that was racing through her fragile form. She looked so terribly vulnerable curled up under the white sheets. She reminded him of a scared little girl trying so desperately to be brave.

John reached out, his soft fingers running through her hair as he came to cup her face between his calloused hands. His thumbs chased away the first of the tears as he pressed his forehead against hers so she could see into the depths of his soul through his hazel eyes.

Cass could feel the refuge that he created for her. Her entire universe was in those eyes. He was the beginning and the end for her and he too was so venomously scared. He wanted to fix the broken parts of her mind and soul but he didn't know how. Her distress was his and John was doing everything he could to take it all away.

The exchange between them was wordless. Cass scooted gingerly to the opposite side of the bed allowing John the space to climb onto the bed beside her. Their hips nudged as he wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders and drew her into the solid comfort of his body. He was her security, her guard against the harsh, cruel world outside. She turned her head burying it in the planes of his chest as her fists bunched up in his clean black t-shirt.

John pressed his lips to the top of her head, sprinkling it with butterfly kisses as her defenceless form began to quake against his torso. He gathered her up, clasping her even closer as the first choked sob emitted from her mouth.

Jesus, it ripped him apart hearing her make that noise. It made his heart ache and instincts shift once more as he held her close whispering sweet endearments into her hair. John would never let her go, she was too precious to him to ever lose again.

If he had to spent the rest of his life making her feel as cherished and safe as he could he would do that. He would guard her with every single one of those primal instincts because he loved her with the very core of his being. She was a part of him and hearing her cry like this was like a physical blow as he cradled her.

Cass's agony wrenched at his soul and he never known that something like this could hurt so much.

"You came back to me." he found himself saying. "You survived."

It wasn't come without it's cost, the price weighed heavily upon her head. Yet there wasn't a thing worth having that didn't have a cost. They're relationship had more value to it than John could have ever imagined. He would give up everything for her if that's what she asked but he knew she would never do such a thing and it made that fierce, vibrant love burn even more deep down inside him.

"I love you." she whispered as her forehead came to rest upon his broad shoulder. "I love you so God damned much."

John took her fragile hand in his own and pressed it to his beating heart so she could feel the constant thrum of it's rhythm underneath the tips of her fingers. His lips were pressed against her hair line as he spoke with utmost sincerity.

"I love you too Cassie."