The Long Way Home

Chapter Eighty Five: Goodbye My Lover

Oh and I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

David Cook – Come Back To Me

"I can tell when your pretending to be asleep." Cass informed her husband as she closed the book she had been reading and turned her attention to the problem that had been brimming between them for the past thirty minutes.

By the time she had gotten in it had been late in the evening and she had arrived home to find her husband already tucked up in bed with his back to her. At first she thought he had been sleeping, the raise and fall of his chest seemed peaceful and he hadn't responded when she had flicked the bedside lamp on nor when she crawled in beside him.

It was only when she had been reading 'The Room' had she realized that something was distracting her and it had taken her a few moments to realize what it was. His shoulders were tense, she could see the way his muscles were furled as if they were waiting for some sort of deadly assault. His body was curled away from her in defensive posture and it took Cass a second to realize that there was a reason that he was doing this, that he didn't want to talk about the strange energy that was shifting between them.

"John Sheppard are you sulking?" she asked incredulously, setting the book on the night stand and propping her head up on her hand.

"No." he responded grumpily, his eyes screwed up tightly.

"You are." Cass proclaimed, her warm sensual form curling around his.

Her knees were tucked behind his and her arm threaded around his waist so she was taunt against him as her breath ghosted lightly on his neck. He loved being wrapped up by her, she was so generous with her love and he could sense her confusion in regards to his behaviour. She was leaving him willingly and it made him revert back to the time his father had walked out the door leaving both David and himself in the hands of a nanny. His father hadn't come back for the longest time and he feared that the same would happen to Cass.

Back then he thought his father had left because of his bad behaviour, he supposed it had been his fault and had buried the misery the best he could. Now he felt he was in the same position all over again, with somebody he loved tearing herself away from him to get as far away as she could. He knew that wasn't the case and the logical side of his mind was constantly reminding him of that but the emotional side was still that child in need of reassurance and patience.

Cass could sense his distress under the surface, it pricked at John's skin like a twisted barb wrenching and gnawing at his insides. She buried her face into his the crook of his neck inhaling his clean masculine scent. Her hand sought out his, her fingers linking with his, forging their connection. John grumbled as she gently knocked on the door to his soul, refusing her entry.

"I don't have to go." she whispered into his ear. "I can stay here with you if that's what you want."

It meant something to John to hear her say those words and he knew it was a concession he would never allow her to make. To ask her to stay would make him a hypocrite and he would be no better than her ex for begging her to stay.

"No you have to go." John said turning around in her arms and clutching her close to his firm athletic body. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

John gathered Cassandra up in his arms so that the two of them were entwined. She fit him like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle, hearts, bodies souls. Every inch of him belonged to her and it killed him to let her go.

"Promise your not leaving because of me." John uttered against her silky soft flesh as he clutched her even closer.

"You know better than that." she said quietly as her fingers combed through his untidy brown hair. "I love you John, I would never walk away like that."