The Long Way Home

Chapter Thirty Two: History

For years I've been holding it down
And I'd love to forgive and forget
So I'll try to put all this behind us

James Morrison – This Boy

It was lunch time and John liked lunch, it was his favourite meal of the day especially today because they were serving turkey sandwiches. He was a man of simple pleasures and a nice turkey club sandwich was one of them. That and the mug of coffee that was lodged in the cup compartment of his tray next to his pineapple fruit pot.

Things were good in his world. The city was becoming better than before, there were more quarters for people and they were bouncing back from all the horrors they had been through since their arrival on Atlantis. People were happy around here now. The sun was shining outside and beaming down upon the city as he sat in the Mess Area at his table alone.

He was the first of his team to arrive here while they were off doing other things. Teyla was giving the young Lieutenant Ford a few improvised, martial arts lessons and Rodney McKay was probably off tinkering with an Ancient system or two. It wouldn't be long until he arrived, Rodney never skipped lunch.

Sergeant Bates dropped down into the seat across from him as he bit into his turkey sandwich.

"Major." The sergeant greeted as he set his lunch tray down.

John nodded his greeting as he chewed savouring the taste of his sandwich. It was unusual for Bates to take residence at his table. John had named the other man The Head of Security but they only interacted in a professional capacity. Bates was a serious team leader who led with vigilance and a blunt, commanding presence. John didn't know much about the other man's personal life, on paper and in the field he shone like the entity of discipline.

"What can I do for you Sergeant?" John requested taking a long sip from his coffee cup.

"Sir, I wanted to talk about the off world mission tomorrow. " Bates said, unwrapping his knife and fork from his napkin.

"OK..." John drawled out the word gesturing for Bates to continue.

It was Cass's first off world mission back since she had been attacked and he could tell she was nervous from the constant motion she was in over the past few days. She was distracting herself completely by embroiling herself in work. The whole incident with the storm and the Genii had spun off from an event that had occurred off world.

Cass had told him the other night, after her psychological evaluation with Doctor Heightmeyer, that stepping off world reminded her of the butterfly effect. One mistake out there could have huge repercussions upon the city and John couldn't help but believe she was thinking in catastrophes. Then again they were living in a different universe and the first time he had made a decision it had ended with the whole Wraith race being awoken.

Huh...

Maybe she was right.

"I've been in your situation before Major." Bates stated clasping his hands together on the table.

"They ran out of cranberry sauce before you got your turkey sandwich too?" John responded, frowning at the contents of his sandwich.

"Uh, no sir." Bates uttered before pointing at the dark haired doctor sitting across from Carson. "I'm talking about Doctor Pierce."

John glanced over his shoulder at Cass as she beamed, jabbing her fork at Carson as she spoke. John ducked his head before raising his gaze to meet Bate's eyes waiting for him to address what was on his mind.

"I dated an explosives expert a few years back when I had just joined the Corps..." Bates trailed off his mouth fixing in a grave line as he shook his head, his coal black eyes downcast. "She was injured in action during a field mission in Syria. They managed to get her back home but it was only to say goodbye before her parents pulled the plug."

"I am very sorry to hear that Sergeant." John said genuinely, feeling the wealth of the other man's pain as Bates picked at his salad with his fork.

"What I'm trying to say Sir, is that I think of Doctor Pierce as one of my own and when she's in my team I treat her with the same respect as I treat any of the Marines and I know a lot of the other guys feel the same." Bates cleared his throat before he decided to speak even more frankly.

He liked the Major even if his attitude was seemingly caviller. Sheppard was a decent guy who took care of his people and Bates wanted the other man to know that they had that in common. He doubted the other man would be offended unless he spoke overtly out of turn and he had no intention of doing so.

Bates respected the chain of command. He had joined the Marines to make the world a better place and he enjoyed the rules and regulations impressed upon the militants. Procedures and protocols were in place for a reason. Jenna's death had reminded him of that and he's been a stickler for them ever since. She had been careless and in the end it had gotten her killed. He couldn't stop Sheppard from doing the same, he thought the other man was impulsive sometimes. His self sacrificing nature was an act of heroic suicide but Bates remembered what it was like to have someone to love and protect.

Bates understood the desire to risk everything for someone and he would never fault the Major for it. He had worried about Jenna when the two of them were apart even though at the time he hated to admit it. She had been level headed, assertive and capable and all it took was one little misstep for it to come crashing down around his head.

"I'm just saying that if you were concerned there's no reason to be. We take care of our own out there." Bates informed him, spearing a tomato.

John pushed his tray away from him and leaned back, crossing his arms over his broad chest as he watched the other man eat. In the beginning of the expedition he had considered himself the same as Bates. The other man was guarded every minute of every day and John had been there. He had been defensive and bitter until he met Cass.

There was an unspoken moment between the two men as their gazes met. Bates was the man that John had been and John was the man that Bates could be if he allowed his heart to open once more. Either way Bates was telling John he would protect his investment, nobody deserved the pain that he had experienced at the hands of their duty. Once upon a time he had been the one that walked the line between love and glory and now he was completely alone.

"Someone deserves to be happy." Bates said into the air between them before he set his fork down, his meal practically untouched.

"You'll find someone." John conceded gruffly.

"Not like that." Bates said, shaking his head. "Not ever again."

John understood that, those hours during the storm where he thought he had lost Cass had left him hard and vacant inside. He knew what it was like to lose something so precious but he had never had to live with it. Cass had survived and that was her most cherished gift to him.

Bates was right, John thought as he glanced over this shoulder once more at the woman he called his lover. There wouldn't be another woman after Cass, not ever again.