Savior

(14) Remembering Myself

      I was thrown on the gravel road, scraping my hands and knees.
   "Alice?" I looked up and saw Glenn, my best friend. Tears began to stream down my face as I came to the realization of what was going on. Rick's group had attacked our outpost, and Negan was going to kill them.
    "Alice, what are you doing with these men?" I turned to see my brother. That's when I began to sob, pulling my knees to my chest.
    "As much as I'd like for us to have a little reunion, I'm going to beat the holy fuck, fuck fucking fuck out of one of you." He began walking down the line of kneeled people. I only recognized a few of them, Carl, Rick, Maggie, Glenn, Daryl, and my brother Aaron.
   "I simply cannot decide."
  "Wait!" I choked out. "Please."
     "Hurry it up." I got off my knees and ran over to Aaron first, hugging him as tight as I could.
    "After this is over, I promise to explain everything. I love you." He nodded and I went to Maggie next, pulling her in a embrace.
    "Are you okay?" She stammered out.
   "What about you? Are you okay?"
  "Something's wrong with my baby, we were trying to get to the Hilltop."
   "I'll explain everything." I squeezed her hand and grabbed Glenn, tearing up as he hugged me.
   "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this."
    "It's not your fault. Just, if something happens to me, please help Maggie." A lump formed in my throat, making it close to impossible to speak.
   "Nothing is going to happen to you. Don't say that."
  "Alice, wrap it up." I turned back to everyone, even the people I didn't know, and told them I loved them. Dwight grabbed me by the coat and started dragging me away.
   "Eenie." He pointed to at Rick with Lucille. "Meeny." Maggie. "Miney." He pointed to a muscular ginger, who seemed calm considering the circumstances. "Mo." He pointed to a woman I didn't recognize. "Catch a tiger—By it's toe." He began walking down the line, tormenting them with his childish games. Everyone was looking to me, they were scared, hurt, they probably felt betrayed.
"It." He pointed to the muscular ginger. I expected for him to start crying, or say his goodbyes, but he never let his eyes leave Negan, he threw up a peace sign and a woman choked out a sob. Even though I didn't know this man, I was still crying for him.
   "Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boys other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry, hell you're all going to be doing that." He raised Lucille and I covered my eyes, waiting for this to be over. "He said suck my nuts." Negan chuckled, swinging Lucille and splattering blood on Rick's face. He walked over to a crying woman, pointing Lucille to her nose.
   "Oh, were you two together? That sucks. He just took one or six or seven for the team! Take a look sweetheart." She kept her eyes to the ground, her breathing ragged and tears rolling down her face. "Take a damn look!" Daryl stood up and punched Negan, making my blood run cold. He's going to kill someone else.

   "Do you want me to do it?" Dwight said, pointing a crossbow to Daryl's temple.
   "No. You don't kill that, not until you try it out first. Put him back in line." I watched as he began inching towards Glenn. Please, don't pick him.
   "I'm a man of my word. I said I would shut that shit down, no exceptions. I want you to know me. So, back to it." He began to raise Lucille above his head and I tried to get up to stop him, only to be punched in the stomach and shoved back to the gravel.
   "Negan don't!" I screamed until my throat was raw. Lucille connected to Glenn's head and I choked out a sob. I covered my eyes, I couldn't watch. I was crying so hard everything was tuned out. All I could think about was what Glenn and I have been through. He saved me from walkers without question even though he didn't know me, he risked his life for me dozens of times, and I couldn't help him.
   "Maggie– I'll find you." Maggie looked at Glenn and then to me, choking out a sob as Lucille was brought back to Glenn's head. Everyone in the line up was sobbing, covering their eyes as they watched a long time friend be brutally killed.
    "I'm just getting started." He chuckled, swinging Lucille back to Glenn's lifeless body.
   "I'm gonna kill you. Not today, not tomorrow, but I'm gonna kill you." Rick whispered, fighting back tears. Negan grabbed Rick and began dragging him towards the RV that sat in then middle of the old gravel road. I fell to my knees and began to sob into my hands.
   "And when we get back, we're going to discuss what you did sweetheart." I looked up and saw that everyone was looking at me. Every ounce of energy I had was gone, all I could do was cry. I pulled my knees back to my chest and didn't move, I sobbed so much I didn't think I'd ever be able to cry again. He killed my best friend and I will forever hate him for it. He took away Maggie's baby's father. He's never going to meet his child. The thought made more tears well in my eyes.
    "Alice." I looked up to see Carl. "Why are you with these guys?" I tried to speak, but only sobs came out.
  "I'm so sorry." I returned to crying into my hands until I heard the RV pull back in. The sun had rose and it began to get chilly, making me shiver. I pulled myself off the ground and wrapped Glenn's coat around Maggie, she squeezed my hand and nodded.
    "Alice." I turned to see him, a grin on his face. "You gave one of our walkie talkies to another group. Now I've been thinking of a punishment and I couldn't think of a better one than what I did here today. You fucking knew better. After all I've done for you, I took you in, and you betrayed me."

--
   "Let's load up." I watched as Daryl was thrown into the van, the doors being slammed shut. Maggie choked out a sob and clenched onto the coat.
   "We'll be here in a week to see what you got for us. Until then, ta-ta." He dropped Rick's axe and began heading towards the truck. I was yanked up harshly by Negan and I started hitting his chest with my fists.
   "Let go of me!" I tried to get out of his grip but he was too strong.
  "Alice." Rick said softly. We met eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to say. "Just– just go." Bile rose up into my throat. He hated me, they all did now.
   "I hate you." I said to Negan, his smile disappearing. "I hate you." I said again, tears rolling down my face. There isn't a single word that could explain how broken I was. Negan had broke me, and he knew it.