Savior

(28) Pillow Talk

Negan
     I groaned as I sat on the pavement floor of the cell, bored out of my mind. I couldn't sleep because the pillow smelled like her, after all this time, her smell still lingered. From what Carl told me, this is the last place she was. The door opened and Carl appeared, holding a makeshift tray with food on it and a cup of water. Rick soon entered, holding the keys that would unlock my cell door.
     "No funny business." He muttered as he unlocked the door and Carl set my meal on the ground, followed by the door being shut before I could even blink. Rick quickly disappeared, but Carl paced around, like I could magically open the locked door that separated us.
      "When I was younger, I was shot. It was an accident, but that's how we met Hershel, Beth, and Maggie. Hershel saved my life." He scratched the back of his neck before continuing. "Alice was torn to pieces. She out ran my dad, Shane, and the man who shot me to get to their farm house. She always wanted a kid, she told dad about it a lot."
  

  "She cared a lot about you. When I met her, did you know she had a gun to her temple? She was hysterical, I was going on a run, which I normally don't do, but if I hadn't found her, she would've been dead a lot sooner than she was—" I took a deep breath, trying to collect myself, not wanting to seem weak. "I waited a few seconds before stopping her, not because I wanted to see if she'd do it, but I wanted to listen to what she was saying. She kept apologizing, saying she tried her hardest, that she loved her brother. That was when she pulled the hammer back, so I stepped in."
      "Since when do you have a heart?"
    "I'm not a monster Carl. I did what I had to do. I have people relying on me, as does your dad. You see, we're not that different me and Rick. We're leaders, whether we like it or not. If the roles had been reversed, would you see your dad as a monster?"
     "No."
   "Exactly. I know that what I did is unforgivable, believe me did I get shit about it every single day from her. She loved him more than she loved herself. She told me about how when you were at Hershel's, he was lowered into a well to try and get a walker out so you could still drink the water and the thing giving everyone leverage broke. She said she almost fell in from all of the weight and how her palms were blistered from pulling so hard. And I do truly mean this when I say it, I'm sorry."
     "You shouldn't be apologizing to me. You should apologize to Maggie, after all, you took her husband and the father of her child away from her."
     "She's pregnant?"
   "Yeah she is. What? Would that have changed your decision on who to pick? No, because you're a heartless prick who's going to rot in here."
      "Careful Carl, one day, this door might not be separating us. Don't think I don't remember how I tried to bash your fucking head in." He scoffed and rolled his eyes before leaving me to sit in a room that did nothing but remind me of what was taken away from me.

    I opened my eyes to see the widow, she was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, staring a hole into my head.
      "I'm sorry." Was the first words to come out of my mouth.
        "Do you expect me to forgive you? Forgiving you won't bring my husband back."
     "I know. Alice told me all about him. He seemed like a good man."
    "Can you even say his name?" She scoffed, wiping a tear away.
      "Glenn." Saying his name did nothing but remind me of what I did. Alice's desperate screams still ring in my ears when I sleep. Her pleads for it to be her instead. To this day, it makes my skin crawl, knowing I did that to someone I loved.

    Maggie wiped her eyes and left, not bothering to pull the door shut, it's not like I could get out anyway. I stared at the cot that sat against the wall and pulled myself off the ground and sat on it, laying down and smelling the scent of Alice. My heart ached but I continued to lay there, trying to imagine how bad Maggie felt, but I realized, I already knew.

   The loud sound of metal against metal woke me up, it was Rick, beating against the cell door. I sat up and walked to the door.
     "What?"
   "While I'm sure you're appreciating all the pillow talk, we've been discussing what to do with you. I for one would like to finish what I started and kill you like I promised. However, the others think it's best for you to rot in here."
     "Okay." I didn't have the energy to say a sly comment or try to piss him off. I was exhausted and grieving.
    "What you're feeling now, is only half of what we went through dealing with your shit. Get comfy, you're gonna be here awhile."