My 'Perfect' Life

Chapter 33: last day

Sarah

The day has been filled so far with an acai bowl breakfast, blue ocean swims, and tears of the dreadful departure to return home after a week here at Bora Bora. Parker is in the bedroom screaming and crying while Niall is trying to calm her down. Abigail is nestled in the hanging chair that is attached to the ceiling by the window, overlooking the ocean as well as a couple other villas. I have Lukas relaxing against my chest while I sit at the table editing pictures from our trip here to post on my blog. 

After hearing Parker continue to throw another one of her obnoxious fits, I decide to do something about it. I gently set Lukas down on the carpeted floor beside the couch with a soft rug beneath him. I make my way to the room and shut the door. Ni looks over at me. Parker is on the floor screaming and kicking. Niall is trying to talk to her, but her squeals block his voice out. I look over at Niall, cueing him to step aside and let me talk to her. 

"Parker Elizabeth," my voice is strong, catching her attention. "get off the floor right now."

She pouts, nonetheless, obeying my demands, "I don't wanna go home."

"I know, baby," I say, kneeling down to be eye level with her. "but won't you miss your ballet recital and your school party?"

Her eyes brighten almost immediately, "Oh yeah!" 

"Exactly," I send her a soft, comforting smile. "Now let's get ready to leave so we can be home on time, alright?"

Park pauses and ponders for a moment before nodding and smiling big, "Yeah!"

She tackles me in a hug before dashing out of the bedroom. I hadn't noticed Niall left until I see him enter with Lukas on his hip. "Almost everything is packed. We can leave in fifteen, is that cool?"

"Yeah," I feel my mood lighten as each minute passes. 

This trip to Bora Bora has been absolutely amazing and beautiful in so many ways, but I miss our house and it's about that time when I stress about the small stuff like if I left food out or if the milk has gone bad. I even find myself stressing about getting the kiddos back on a sleeping schedule, even myself! It really is time to go back home. 

"Let's get going," Niall says, as though he is reading my mind this very second. 

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We make it home the next evening, completely worn out from our mini-vacation. The kiddos are all passed out in the back seat while Niall and I are talking about the plans for what we're going to do now that we're back. When the car is parked in the driveway, Niall and I begin emptying out all the luggage from the trunk while the kids continue to snooze. 

"I don't know if I want you to be working so much if it isn't very necessary at this point in time," I tell Niall, honestly. 

He sighs, "I can't just stay home all day every day when the tour is starting within just a matter of weeks."

"I'm not asking you to stay home all day, but just enough so that we don't feel like work is more important than us," I bluntly respond, without even thinking beforehand. 

Ni takes a moment to gape at me, "You know you're more important to me than anything."

"Niall, I get that, but it's hard to completely believe it when you're always taking calls in the middle of our conversations, or that you're gone almost all day every day," I restrain the tears from falling. "I know that I should be used to your busy schedule by now, but it's so hard."

Niall's face falls into sadness as he witnesses me falling apart right in front of him. I've held all of this in for so long - or at least it's felt that way. It needs to be known that I'm having a rough time with balancing everything.

"Mama?" I hear Parker's sleepy voice from behind me. 

I whirl around, wiping my tear-filled eyes, "Yeah, baby?"

"I wanna go to bed," she quietly whines, snuggling up against my leg. 

Ni and I exchange eye contact before I pick her up, "Okay, let's get you up to bed."

"I can do it," Niall intervenes, holding his arms out to Parker. "Come 'ere, princess."

I let him take her from me so that I can check on the two other kids in the car. Luckily, when I get there, they're both asleep. I gently wake Abbie from her slumber and tell her to unbuckle herself while I get Lukas out of his car seat and inside. As I lock the car doors, Abbie clings onto my left pant leg and trudges after me in the house. 

I put Lukas in his crib before helping Abbie brush her teeth and get in her jammies. She crawls under her covers and is out like a light. I leave a kiss on her head and her night light on before shutting her bedroom door on my way out. I take a peek inside Parker's dim room and see that she had returned to her sleeping state as well. I feel arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"Ready for bed?" Niall whispers in my ear. 

I nod, "Yeah, I'm worn out."

He releases his loose grip on me, "Sarah, you do know I love you and the kids more than anything in the world, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I turn around to look him in the eye. "I just feel like it's hard to keep everything balanced right now. I mean, Ni, I'm pregnant with twins and I have to care for 3 young children all day without you there. I understand that you're working hard to support us the best you can, and I don't blame you for anything... I just miss having you around like this."

He nods, his blue eyes glowing through the dim light glowing from Parker's lamp. "I understand, babe, and I'm going to try my best to be here and present as much as I can."

"I love you, Ni," I say, pulling him into a hug. 

I feel his lips brush against my ear, "I love you, too."