Broken (Haikyuu!! Fanfic)

(2)

Last night was not a good night for Hinata, he had gotten home late from practice. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
His father had just finished his 5th beer since he had gotten home from work, usually he would get home around the 3rd or 4th, then he would be safe. But numbers 5&6 were dangerous numbers, those were the numbers that if he went out of his room, he would get beaten.
And he did, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but the words he said stuck like glue.
"Why did it have to be you?! he shouted after the second punch
I don't know, but I wish it wasn't
"You're so ungrateful! I give you everything!"
You're right, you give me everything. Even the things I probably don't deserve, you give me. Like this beating.
"You're disgusting, I don't know how anyone could possibly care about you!"
Yeah me too

The next morning, Hinata left early for practice, he said it was so he could get there before Kageyama, but in reality he couldn't sleep and he didn't feel safe in his house. He didn't like how quiet and hollow it had become.
When his mother was alive, there was a flower garden outside in the yard, he would love to come home from school and see her tending to it. She would stand up and wipe the sweat from her brow. Then she would give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and ask him how is day was, ask him what he had learned.
Now the garden was dead, it looked as though nothing had ever or could ever grow there.

By the time Hinata had reached the school gates, Kageyama was already there waiting for him.
"I had a feeling you would try to beat me by leaving earlier, dumbass"
Hinata only chuckled and said "You know me too well!" All while sporting his signature fake toothy grin.

Once everything was set up, the duo began to practice their freak quick.
He jumped and there was the toss, instantly he thought of his father. The intense smack that his hand made when it connected with the ball was enough to make Kageyamas eyes widen.
Since when was he able to spike like that?! He thought as the damaged crow descended from the sky.
He hadn't even noticed that Suga, Daichi, and Tanaka had entered the gym and witnessed the spike.
"WOOOAAAHHH! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT! BAHAHA Hinata you're on the road to becoming Ace!!!" Tanaka yelled in his usual enthusiasm.
It took a moment for Hinata to get into character, it was only for a second but two of his upperclassmen had noticed the hesitation.
"THAT WAS SO COOL! Hey Kageyama! Did you see how cool that was?! It was all *SWOOSH* then *GUAH* then I went *BWAH*!" His fake smile shown brightly on his pale face. As Kageyama started yelling at him for being able to spike so hard and not tell him, Hinata's eyes drifted over to the door where he saw Daichi looking him up and down with curious eyes, it was like he was analyzing him. Putting an immediate stop to it, he called out "Captain Captain! Did you see that?! I'm gonna be ace for sure!!" The captain only smiled, it was fake, Hinaa had practiced for hours perfecting his smile and now he could spot a fake a mile away.

When lunch came around, Hinata had been munching on his usual small bag of trail mix, it wasn't ideal but at least it was something. As usual there was no food in his fridge so he had to make due with whatever he had. It was fine, it was his fault for being able to eat so much anyway, it's no wonder why his father didn't want to waste precious money on something as trivial as food.

Hinata liked to eat alone, sure most of the time he loved being around people, but it got tiring keeping up his facade.
Every once in a awhile he needed a break. A break from the world. He would subconsciously trace the scars on his thighs through his pants. They reminded him how worthless he was, afterall he couldn't even resist the voices telling him to do it. Oh how weak he was.
Weak
Pitiful
Disgusting
Worthless
That's what the voices told him, they told him how he would be taken away from his team if he told someone. They told him how disappointed they would be that he hadn't said something sooner. They told him how disgusted they would be when they saw how his ribs would stick out, how sickly he looked underneath all of his clothes, how angry they would be when they saw his self inflicted cuts and burns.
He couldn't handle his only true family loathed him and his body.
So he decided to keep it hidden.
It wasn't even that big of a deal.
Afterall, some people have it worse than he does, he has no right to complain.

The bell rung signaling the end of lunch, he had finished his meal for the day within the first 5 minutes.
What? He was hungry.
The next class he had was English, the teacher was from America and she was very nice. She was his favorite teacher. Actually she was everyone's favorite.
She had a way of explaining the material so that it was easily understood.
She was very kind.
Hinata had actually considered telling her about what was happening in his home multiple times, but he couldn't risk it.
As he was leaving the class to go to his free period, Ms. Kane had stopped him.
"Hello Hinata," she spoke in her usual clear and soft tone "How are you today? You seem a bit out of it." There was a hint concealed concern in her voice.
"Yeah I'm fine, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, I was too busy thinking about the practice matches coming up! I got so excited that my brain wouldn't calm down!"
"That's right, I forgot that you were in the volleyball club! How is it going?"
"It's super fun! It's awesome to play with other people that love it as much as I do!"
"Yes I know the feeling, anyway I'm sure you want to head off to your next class, but please remember that I'm always here if you need to talk."
"Yup! Thanks Ms. Kane!"
Hinata ran.
She knew.
He just knew that she knew.
How could she know?
He didn't say anything about it but with the way she said that she was always there to talk...there was something in her voice. It was like recognition, like realization.
He couldn't breathe.
Why couldn't he breathe??
Slipping into the boys' bathroom, he sunk to the floor, curling his knees to his ears and placing his head between his legs. This seemed to work as his breathing became more manageable.

Just as Hinata was able to stand and assess the damage of his most recent panic attack, the bell signaling he end of his free period. His next and last class was Math which he decided to skip. He needed to mentally prepare for volleyball practice. Hinata knew that he would have to be extra careful during afternoon practice after how he had reacted when he assumed for only a second that Ms. Kane had known. There's no way he would subject himself to that. Not again, or, at least not today.