Broken (Haikyuu!! Fanfic)

(21)

Hinata held his breath. He didn't know if he should say anything else, or if Dani was even still outside the door since it had felt like years had passed before he heard anything from the outside besides the thumping of music.
As it had turned out, Dani was still on the other side of the door. She too was stuck frozen over what she had seen. Sure she knew that things were bad for Hinata at home, and she knew that he dealt with his pain in counterproductive ways just as she did, but she didn't expect to see his cuts, his fresh cuts, so soon.
When did he make them?
How could he have hurt himself? They were together for practically the entire week, inseparable. She couldn't find the right words to say to him. So instead, she said nothing.

Their silence was broken when Kageyama came up the stairs to presumably find a bathroom.
He came to find Dani, her thin frame staring at the closed door in front of her.
"Hey...what are you doing?"
"Oh! Um...I'm waiting for Hinata to get out of the bathroom..."
"Do you know if there's another one nearby? I don't think I can wait in a line." Kageyama had also been drinking, and he needed to pee BADLY.
Dani pointed down the hall and said that there might be an available restroom, so Kageyama left, but not before turning his head and watching the smaller females expression. Kageyama was drunk, but not drunk enough to know that something fishy had happened. However, he didn't know Dani well enough to confront her, so he too didn't say anything and decided to continue walking.

Suddenly, Suga ran up the stairs drunkenly yelling for Dani.
"DAAANNIIII!! WHERE ARE YOUUU~!"
She poked her head from around the corner and caught his eye.
"There y-you are! Listen listen listen...Kioyko told me she needs to...use the b-bathroom...but she's she's passed out on the couch now! Hahahah!" Suga bent over laughing at the idea that his long time manager would accidentally wet herself while passed out asleep on a random couch.
Dani however didn't find this funny, she was concerned and quickly sobered up to prepare herself to go and find the volleyball team manager. As she left, Suga on her trail, she turned back to look at the still closed door that was now behind her, deciding that she would be sure to speak to Hinata as soon as she could.

Hearing their footsteps walking away, he could feel intense shame swell up inside of him.
He was dirty and weird.
She would definitely hate him now.
They had talked about self harm before and they both had vowed to never again harm themselves with blades or burns.
Sure they had been high at the time, but a promise was a promise and he broke it.
He wondered if she would now distance herself, knowing that he was a freak.
He felt angry at himself for succumbing to the urge to harm himself earlier.
He wanted the previous event to disappear.
He wanted to go back in time.
He didn't want her to see him for what he truly is...weak.

Before he knew it, Hinata was crying uncontrollably. He decided to lay on the floor with a hand towel for a pillow and sob into his hands. His breath escaped him with each sob and struggled to return. His hands didn't know where they should go so then travelled to his neck, his mouth, his hair and even to his shoulders in the self-hug position. He writhed around on the floor during this breakdown, pausing to catch his breath or scream into a towel to help let out his frustration with himself.

His whole breakdown lasted approximately 20 minutes. Afterwards, he had felt much better. It felt like he had cried out everything he needed to and was now thinking more logically and rationally.

And it was a good thing it stopped when it did, as when Hinata sat in silence, he was able to hear commotion coming from downstairs flooding over to his side of the house.
He heard running by the door and rushed voices. It was shocking that he managed to hear the word "cops" but somehow he did.
Suddenly there was a pounding at the door.
"Hinata it's me, we need to go." Dani said rushed.

He opened the door and started to exit, making sure to not make eye contact with her only to be stopped by a flood of teens coming their way, clearly running from something or someone who had reached the base of the stairs.
Hinata ran back into Noya's bedroom and woke Tanaka up from his slumber praying that he was somewhat sober now.
Meanwhile, Dani along with a loopy and hiccuping Kioyko went into the bathroom and opened the window looking down at the height.
Thankfully, there was a ledge of roof immediately underneath the window that they could slide down into the backyard.

Dani went first. She slid down the roof feet first on her bum Incase she needed to break her fall. Then Kioyko went, Dani stayed at the bottom to help guide the others and catch them if need be. On her way down, Kioyko stumbled a little but otherwise made it down safely.
Then Hinata helped Tanaka out of the window saving himself for last.

Once Hinata was down off of the roof, the four of them began running. Of course they couldn't really run because of Tanaka and Kioyko slowing them down but they ran to the best of their ability.
As they ran, they saw many other kids from the party being stopped by the police and others hiding from them behind cars, trees and bushes. The group were lucky that they would be crashing at Hinata's house. Otherwise they might've also found themselves hiding in bushes.

Somewhere along the way, they ran into Daichi and Asahi also walking home. They took ownership over Tanaka and Kioyko, promising to get them home safely.

This meant that now it was just Dani and Hinata. Alone.

Neither had anything to say to the other, so they walked in silence back to Hinata's house. Once they entered the front door and made their way up to his room, Dani knew she had to say something.

"So..." She started.
Hinata only sighed and put his head down, he knew what was coming.
"Why didn't you call me for help? You went off by yourself and did this to yourself thinking that what? You were alone in the world? That no one cares about you? Well you're wrong. I care. Your team cares."
"I know you care! I know they care! It's just-just that I know that but my brain won't let me believe it...you know? It's like I know that you care about me but then when the voices start getting louder and louder they make me believe that I'm not someone people should care about, and that I'm-im just a hinderance to so many people. It gets too much for me to handle and the only way I know to make them shut the fuck up is by cutting. I know it doesn't make sense and now you probably think I'm some kind of fuck up who can't even keep his promises." Hinata was desperate for her, or anyone, to believe him. He needed validation.
"Do you think I don't know what you're talking about? I know exactly the type of feeling you're describing. Look."
She pulled down her pants slightly to reveal the top part of her thigh littered with raised white lines. There must have been dozens on that small portion alone.
However Hinata also noticed that they were all scar tissue. All of them.

"Ever since our promise I haven't done it. Actually, I haven't been doing it as much ever since we met. Whenever I get the urge to hurt myself, do you wanna know what I do? I call you. I text you. And if you're not available for those I think of you. I think of how disappointed you would be in me if you found out. That feeling overrides my need to harm myself. You're my distraction. So now you focus on me...okay?" Dani pulled her pants back up and held Hinata's face in her hands looking into his eyes.

As his started to well up with tears, as did her own. He wrapped his arms around her, and stuck his face into the crook of her neck and began sobbing.
"Hinata, so many people love you and care for you. Please be better to yourself." She spoke softly running her hand through his orange hair.
What really got her to cry harder than just a few tears falling down her cheek was Hinata's small "thank you's" between breaths. It had been a long time since Hinata had experienced love.

The two held each other in their arms for hours. Neither wanting to be the one to break the connection.

They had each other, and that's all that they really needed for now.
They felt safe with each other, and feeling safe was hard to come by with the lives that they lived. So they made sure to hold the fuck on.

Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter is a couple days late, I had a lot of tests in school so I had to make those priority over writing. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!❤️❤️
as always, thanks for reading and I love you all💗