suicide note [ ᴷᵀᴴ ⁺ ᴶᴶᴷ ] [#wattys2017]

11

thank you so much for 4k reads!!

☆*:.｡. ｡.:*☆

"No-no, I want to read it now."

Taehyung watched as the nineteen year old started opening the envelope with shaking fingers. And for some reason, it didn't feel right, he could not let Jungkook do that, not there, it wouldn't feel okay. "Ju-Jungkook, wait–I don't–" he tried to take the envelope back, which only resulted in the brunette tightening his grip. Taehyung looked up at Jungkook in slight surprise, meeting his brown eyes. The desperation was extremely noticeable, it was nearly scary. "Uhm...can-can't you go back to your dorm first?" Taehyung didn't let go of the envelope, even though he wanted to; he was scared of it being ripped since Jungkook's grip was getting harder. It was as if the letter was the only thing he had left.

Which was partly true, Taehyung just didn't know about it.

"Please–" "Only if you come along," Jungkook said, his voice shaky. Taehyung's eyes softened, but could he really come along to Jungkook's dorm? Was he even allowed there? He didn't know. "Am I even allowed to–" "I don't know, but I don't want to be alone when I open this, okay?" The desperation was now in Jungkook's voice instead, and Taehyung couldn't just leave him like that. "Okay."

The two boys made it back to the huge building Jungkook went to college in, and they were smooth enough to go to Jungkook's dorm without anyone noticing. Or maybe someone did, but the students didn't care, it was only the principal and teachers that cared if you brought someone in. "No, you're not allowed to be here, but we don't have to tell anyone," Jungkook said after reaching the door to his dorm, he unlocked the door by typing in a code, a small click-sound was heard before Jungkook opened the door and pushed Taehyung inside before closing and locking. The brunette sat down on what Taehyung assumed was Jungkook's bed, and Taehyung's eyes automatically traveled around the room. Noticing the pictures Jungkook had put on the wall above his bed in the process, his eyes then landed on the desk which was placed on Jungkook's side of the room, there was a laptop, a few notebooks and pens, as well as a few random papers scattered around it. Also, a few drawings it seemed like. He then looked back at the younger boy, who now had the letter in his hands, the open envelope lying next to him on the white sheets.

"...don't ever forget about me; but move on..." Jungkook whispered the sentence written on the paper in his hands, his eyes closed tightly, as if he was trying to keep even more tears in. Taehyung wasn't sure of what to do, he walked over to the bed with unsure steps, sitting down next to the younger. "Oh-oh my god," Jungkook managed to say, his voice starting to become shakier, as if he realised what this really meant. He hid his face in his hands, biting his lower lip hardly. He didn't want to cry, not in front of Taehyung. "No, no, no," he shook his head. "This can't be true." He whispered to himself. He then looked up from his hands, tears had managed to slip out even though he had tried his best to keep them in. He turned his head to Taehyung, then back to the letter, and then back at Taehyung again. "Tell me this isn't true," he said. "Taehyung!" Jungkook put his hands on the elder's shoulders, voice slightly raised, as if he was begging him to say it, as if he believed it would change everything.

"He-he...he can't...he can't be gone..." The words weren't as strong anymore, Jungkook was shaking his head slowly. "No, no, no," he whispered. He then got completely quiet, only sobs being heard. Without thinking, the younger put his head in the crook of  Taehyung's neck, crying more. Taehyung still didn't know what to say, he wasn't good at comforting people, yet, he wrapped his arms around the younger, pulling him closer. He had no idea how to calm Jungkook down, but he assumed that it was impossible in that type of situation.

The feeling of your shirt becoming wet because of someone crying was something Taehyung never wanted to experience again, it felt horrible. Not because his shirt got wet, but the fact that the person he was trying to comfort was crying so much that comforting the person no longer felt possible. Taehyung didn't know how long they sat there, probably for a few minutes, until Jungkook pulled away. Still crying, still sobbing, the letter was still in a tight grip in his right hand, the photo of him and Jimin in the left. He looked at it, then at Taehyung. Taehyung noticed how close they were, but he didn't want to think of that right now, it felt wrong. "He's-he's gone," Jungkook whispered, as if he was telling Taehyung. "Why-why couldn't he just...talk to me?" Jungkook looked down at the photo again, biting his lower lip for a second time. "Maybe if  I knew something, maybe this would've never happened," Jungkook started blaming himself, which caused Taehyung to take both the letter and photo away from Jungkook's hands. "I-I don't know what to say, but read this sentence Jungkook," Taehyung pointed at a sentence in the beginning of the letter. This is not your fault at all, this is all my choice and you can't do anything about it. Jungkook read it, over and over again, more tears falling. "I know I can't calm you down, okay? But Jimin does not want you to blame yourself, so do not blame yourself," Taehyung looked right into the younger's eyes, wanting to make sure Jungkook took in what he was saying and understanding that the older really meant it. "Jimin would be sad if you blamed yourself, don't blame yourself," Taehyung said lowly. Jungkook's lower lip quivered slightly, and his eyes closed again. Taehyung put the letter and photo away and then took Jungkook's hands in his. "Do. Not. Blame. Yourself," Jungkook nodded, eyes still closed.

Suddenly the door opened, and a smiling Hoseok stood in the doorway. "Hey– wait, what's going on here?"

☆*:.｡. ｡.:*☆

i wish this had turned out slightly better and more detailed, but idk...i hope it was good anyways.