What Happens on the Neon Lights Tour.... (Nemi)

What Happens on the Neon Lights Tour....

Demi

Asking Nick to help me create my tour was probably the dumbest & smartest thing I have ever done. I knew he had a girlfriend. A really hot Miss Universe girlfriend. I knew Wilmer & I were heading somewhere on the committed side. I knew how I felt every time I was around Nick. I turned into a giddy schoolgirl with a crush. Nick was my best friend, but come on, I was human. The guy is hot.

Somewhere between 2007 & now, he turned into a full blown hottie, making my crush develop into pure lust. I knew it was a risk, but I also knew it was a risk I wanted to take. Firstly, because my best friend is amazingly creative & smart when it comes to music & performing. Secondly, because, I wanted an excuse to work with him & be close to him. Ever since he had posted that shirtless selfie back in July, he's all I have been thinking about. I couldn't deny my feelings anymore & I was in such a good place in my life, that I wanted to see if there could be something more with us. Yea, he has a girlfriend. Blah blah blah. I wasn't convinced Nick felt anything other than lust for her, though.

Every time I saw pictures of them together, which killed me by the way, he was either kissing her or looking at her mouth or just looking at her with pure lust. He was thinking with his little brain, in his pants, when he was with her. When Nick looked at me, he looked into my soul. He saw the real me & let me see the real him. We had a connection that went beyond anything else. We connected through our history & our childhood. We connected through our careers. We connected through our music. We connected through our souls. Nick really was the male version of me. He knew what I was thinking just by looking at my face or into my eyes. We got each other like no one else ever could.

I worked closely with Nick as often as I could after he agreed to do the tour. We talked on the phone, all the time, about tour ideas or song arrangements. We got together as much as we could, when he wasn't publicly making out with his girlfriend. We texted daily & then when my rehearsals started, Nick was there almost every day. He took off only to be with his family when his grandfather passed away, which I understood. I wanted to be with him, but it wasn't my place.

Nick & I joked around a lot when we were together & sometimes there were inappropriate topics or conversations, which I secretly loved. I loved hearing Nick be perverted or say sexy things. I fantasized that he was saying them to me as his girlfriend. In fact, I fantasized about Nick a lot as my boyfriend. I always wondered if he had feelings or ever had feelings for me, other than friendship. I got a vibe sometimes when he would hug me or when I would catch him looking at me with an adoring expression on his face. But I wasn't positive. I felt like I needed to know. It was almost torturing me to not know one way or another.

Nick & I were hanging out the night before my tour started. He had just got to Vancouver, that day, after seeing his niece for the first time, in New Jersey. We went to dinner that night & then Nick said he wanted to just chill alone with me in one of our hotel rooms. We chose mine.

Nick & I always had such a comfortable relationship that whenever we were alone, we would lay on each other & think nothing of it. That happened that first night as we sat on the hotel bed, against the headboard, watching tv. I was snacking on some peanut mixture, happily sharing with Nick. I was leaning my head on his shoulder & whenever he stuck his hand out, like a cup I would pour some more of the mixture into it. This was normal for us. This was comforting. This was heaven.

"Can you still catch stuff in your mouth as well as you did when you were fifteen?" I asked as I popped a cashew in my mouth.

Nick chuckled. He was probably remembering all the times we sat on the tour bus, on the sofa, across from each other, taking turns throwing nuts or popcorn up in the air so the other could catch it. We laughed a lot when we did it. It was our thing. We got teased & laughed at, but we didn't care. It was fun & we both loved it. "Probably. I got pretty good at it by the time we finished the Camp Rock tour."