What Happens on the Neon Lights Tour.... (Nemi)

Social Media Sucks

Demi 

If I wasn't sick with the flu, I definitely would have been sick from Olivia's fucking tweet & Nick's tweet to her, wishing her a happy Valentine's day. "Especially my valentine @OliviaCulpo." Gag me. For real. Why did I even see this tweet? I shouldn't have his tweets sent to my phone, but I do. Why? Because I'm a masochist. I can't cut myself anymore, so I'll have tweets sent to my phone that I know are going to cause me pain. I debated on following Olivia on twitter & having her tweets sent to my phone, but decided that would be way too much to take. Instead, I stalked her twitter. That proved to be just as bad.

I stayed in bed the entire day on Valentine's day, waking up the next day & not feeling a whole lot better. I had a short plane ride to Arizona for my show & I was not looking forward to performing when I felt this awful, but I was going to do it for my fans. I started to feel a little better before I took the stage. I think the adrenaline helped. After I got off stage that night, I collapsed in the nearest bed.

I got some texts once in a while over the next few days from Nick, but Olivia was up his ass so it was usually quick texts, some sweet, some dirty, some funny, while she was in the bathroom or in the shower. Of course I got online & saw photos of them together on the beach, bitch had to be clinging to him. And damn, she was flat chested as fuck. I mean I don't have huge boobs, but this girl could pass for a boy. Seriously, what did Nick see in her? The photo that killed me was them by the pool, Nick lying on a lounge chair beside her, with his hand touching her hair. It was a loving gesture & it made me throw up a little in my mouth. I tried to stay off social media after that one. Social media sucks when your boyfriend is famous & has a fame whore girlfriend. I got on my instagram one afternoon & decided to look at Olivia's pictures because the masochist in me needed a fix. That was a huge mistake. I saw a selfie of Olivia & Nick & he took it. I stared at his face for a good ten minutes. He had the sweetest expression on his face. This was a guy who was in love. I started bawling, while I stared at his handsome face, trying to imagine it was me beside him in this photo. I screenshot it & zoomed in & cropped Olivia's face out & I looked at Nick's face as I cried myself to sleep that night. I had the words he wrote me for Valentine's day crumpled in my hand to further torture myself.

I woke the next morning in Houston to someone knocking on my hotel room door. I still had Nick's poem & my phone gripped in my hand as I made my way to the door. I couldn't see anyone through the peephole, so I opened the door a little. Wilmer came from around a corner, carrying flowers & wearing a huge smile on his face. I yanked the door open & let him grab me in his arms before he kissed my cheek. I quickly put Nick's letter in my pocket when Wilmer put me down.

"You weren't due in until later!" I nearly shouted from relief. I was happy to see him, not as my boyfriend, but as my friend. I needed to feel his friendly hug. After the sickeningly cute selfie of Nick & Olivia, I was having second thoughts about me & Nick. Maybe he needed to stay with Olivia & I needed to stay with Wilmer.

"I couldn't wait to see you, Love." Wilmer said, then kissed me with deep desire, making me weak in my knees. Yea, I was definitely lucky to have Wilmer.

Wilmer spent a few hours taking care of me before my show in Houston that night. I got to hang out with his 'Dusk to Dawn' family, too, which was awesome. They were all amazing. I had a lot of fun & didn't think about Nick or Olivia hardly at all.

I was feeling much better after my show that night so I was able to really enjoy Wilmer. I felt a little guilty having sex with him, but I knew Nick & Olivia were doing it, too, so that helped ease my guilt. When I woke up the next morning in Wilmer's arms, I made up my mind. I was staying with Wilmer. It was easy with him. It wasn't stressful.

While Wilmer was in the shower, I decided to call Nick to tell him. I picked up my phone & stared at his number for a few minutes. I didn't want to do this over the phone. I didn't want to disrupt his vacation. I sighed, tossing my phone on the bed. No. I would tell him in person whenever that was. I would just try not to talk to him or text him until then, giving him a little warning. I was just going to avoid him for now. This would never work, anyway. Who was I kidding? Who were we kidding? I probably wasn't even in love with Nick. I think it was an infatuation because of the amazing sex we had that first night. I mean, we have had a lot of sexual tension building over the years, that when it finally exploded, the release was amazing. I think we both just got caught up in all those feelings. Yea, that's what this was. Infatuation. Me & Nick weren't in love. We were infatuated. I felt an ease come over me with this realization. And it would only get easier, because out of sight, out of mind.